[Thundarr]

I've not dealt with this to my knowledge, but it may be something that doesn't get diagnosed until adulthood.  Personality disorders are treatable but not with meds,  They are mainly treated by talk therapy, and I would assume that Exposure Therapy (forcing yourself into an uncomfortable situation) would likely be one of the primary techniques.  I don't think you can help her until she realizes she has a problem, just like an addict.  I wish they made magic wands for this but unfortunately they haven't been invented yet.

[Rookie13]

Thundarr, this is a 2x4. It pains me some but i understand you are in to much pain to actually see your kids are frightened, angry, hurt, did i say scared!!!!

You think because you have shown love to your kids over the years it should be obvious to them that you love them?

Actually they see/feel their ROCK going down and they know if you go down they go down.

YOUR a therapist! I am telling you to get back on your feet and start one thing at a time. just one thing and master it starting with building the confidence back in your children. Of course D19 is in her own world. DO NOT think she should assume ANY more responsibility than she had before all this. It almost sounded to me like you expect her to take over for her mother. She is lost too with all this and is a teenager to boot!!

You need to be the one stable parent to DO IT ALL for now. That is your trial that God has sent you on.

Get busy living! Pick your self up and then give back your kids the security that they deserve all by yourself!

YUP, all by yourself thundarr. one task at a time. when you master your kids security back you will be rewarded my friend.

[Mamma Bear]

  Now let me get this straight, I missed this whole discussion and in trying to catch up it appears Thundarr is Heckle and Jeckle and RCR is naked in front of a mirror   I need to stop skimming and READ this stuff...LOL!
  and where's my anger and bitterness? Haven't really seen any and my humor is always there but not covering up anything...just amazed at how human behavior good and bad can be pretty funny. Especially when you're dealing with an MLCer   They have a tendency to say things like my H yesterday, the 1 year anniversary of pushing me away on a street to go be with Bowser, instead  : " Are you OK? I never meant to hurt you or make anyone sad. I am worried about you"
    A lot of material in there ya know

[Rookie13]

Well Mamma, your reply to him should have been "nobody's hurt and nobody's sad so what are you worried about"? Lol

I bet he would chew on that one for a while! Lol

Your right though, there is a lot in what he said, to me it's mainly about himself.

P.S. I don't drop in to often but I still check your threads/posts for all your humor and you never disappoint. your one of a kind! 

[Doc Hudson]

Please listen to Rookie, Thundarr.  Lord knows I've said the same thing to you over and over.  For the sake of your children, please listen.

[Thundarr]

I don't get it.  I'll be the first to admit here.  I thought I was doing pretty well as evidenced by holding down the house, making sure homework is done, paying bills, providing a stable home for the kids, being there for them day in and day out, telling them and showing them I love them daily, taking them out to do fun things regularly (Ghost Rider movie this weekend!), keeping everything as much like it was as possible (just without W) and even excelling at work to boot.  If what's being said amounts to "just get over it" then I'm lost.  My W meant and means far too much to me and our family.  I still love and miss her, and cannot prevent her behaviors that negatively impact the kids but I do the best I can.  In many ways I think I'm doing all that's humanly possible.  S7 and I are playing video games together as I type this, and D11 has already gone to bed to rest due to being sick.  S7 hasn't missed a day of school yet and both are making excellent grades.  I do still hurt but that's only natural I would think, and it's not nearly as much as it was.  Springtime and more outdoors time will make a world of difference.

So, what else should I be doing?

[hopingfourbetter]

That I have to say is pretty darn positive! I firmly believe in a positive attitude!

[ziggee]

T.

stop keeping score...

Z.

[Rookie13]

Thundarr, to me, in your recent post you talked about S8 asking you if you still loved him. why does he ask that? and you also feel he should understand you do. We get that you do, but we are not asking you the question, S8 is.

You should read about kids and separation of parents. I thought as a therapist it was basic training for you and this is not a slight. I really did think that.

Any idea what a child of 8 is really thinking when parents separate. Well I have read a lot and learned a lot as I too have an 8 yr old and a 5 year old and also a 17 yr old and a D19. You need to get on one knee and look your little one right in the eyes so you know you both are listening and tell him everything is going to be ok because daddy is here.

I was also fortunate to be taught by my father who is a psychologist on how to listen to children and assure them first.

My ex buys all the kids 'presents' and gifts. thats how she deals with it/them. I feel you are doing a good job 'holding the fort down' but i did hear your frustrations about the kids and I do hear more about what your ex is doing/not doing (which is understandable when dealing with mourning) but you need to let her go. You have bigger fish to fry that can be fixed including your grief.

Just trying to help thundarr. I was you my friend. again the rewards will come.

[Thundarr]

And I always appreciate it Rookie (and all)!  S7 has been sleeping with me since W left and I know it's security for him.  I do put a positive spin on it to the kids and we sometimes laugh at W's antics.  If you look at some of my older posts my kids have a good handle on what's going on, better than W definitely.  S7 has always been very close to me and is the baby of the family so he needs a little more attention sometimes.  All 3 have their different needs and express themselves in their own way.  I do get that, and thanks to Rover I found the mental focus early on to protect the kids and shelter them from this as much as possible.