[RivenIN2]

The instant communication afforded through phones, internet and social media are wonderful, but at what cost. People don't know how to relate on a personal level any longer. Maybe that's why a lot of the MLCers are so young now. A lot are in their 30's.

So statistics be damned. Do what is good for you and what you feel in your gut.

I say this to my D all the time! You must learn to shut off the devices and cut yourself off from the flow of drama coming from your friends. The instant communication is great but also has a darker side. In my town we have lost 4 teens in less than 3 years to suicide I feel that Im's, the internet, and texting played a part in this. When we were kids the flow of information was tempered with time and distance. Yes we had phones but that was limited, my parents did not want me on the phone for hours on end. Bad news traveled slower and the drama was not as intense when it had to wait until the next day to be told or even over the weekend for some. Now they can and do say whatever comes into their heads the minute it does and sometimes it cannot be taken back, they do not give themselves time to contemplate things before they are said. Also teens are the cruelest animals on the face of the planet as far as I can tell. Anyway my point being that those tragedies were sent out by text within minutes of being discovered without any knowledge or preparation by parents. My D was devastated by 2 of them and I just wish I had been able to tell her in a more gentle way then to have in broadcast.


I always followed my gut instincts, and was able to do some of the correct things even before I found this site and it's wonderful insights. My gut or rather my heart has never guided me wrong ands I do believe in my heart that I will be reunited with my W in time. I am reminded all the time that this is a journey that will not end if and when we reunite, I think that is part of the problem we loose sight of the journey we started when we married and become bogged down in everyday life. Modern life is fraught with pitfalls that we can become trapped in without even knowing we are in danger.

[Anjae]

Speaking of Syncronicities, I was going through this thread and a friend was talking about Ithaka and another friend come up with this poem by the Greek born poet Konstantinos Kaváfis


Ithaca

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean

Ulysses journey told in the Odyssey can be seen as a MLC. Ulisses is the MCLer, Penelope, his wife, the LBS. He takes 20 years to return to Ithaka, his island and homeland. Before he starts the journey narrated in the Odyssey he had spend a long time away from home fighting in the Trojan War (that is narrated in the Iliad).

Learning and Riven, I’m not so sure modern life and instant communication make MLC more prominent…The Odyssey is set on the 12th  century BC and was put into written form on the 8th century BC. Dante wrote The Divine Comedy (that can also be seen has a MLC journey) that starts with "When I had journeyed half of our life's way, I found myself within a shadowed forest, for I had lost the path that does not stray." in the 14th century AD. Dante will go to the depths of Hell, his has 9 circles, then to purgatory, and, at last, to heaven. He died at 56 so the middle of his life would had been at 28.

Modern technology will enhance our perception of things but it does not means a certain condition was not existent or prevalent in the past. Also, being here in the forum makes us all more aware of MLC so we notice it more.

[Ez]

This time last week I had hit rock bottom, I couldn't see a way forward because I couldn't see a future that I wanted.  The hurt, anger and despair I felt were so overwhelming that I had had enough, I didn't want to go on and felt like I just couldn't do this anymore.  I felt so humiliated and so blamed for all of the martial problems that I started to believe this was all my fault, that I was to blame and that I wasn't good enough.  Essentially I lost hope for my marriage, for myself and for my future.  Without hope all I had was despair.  The words of encouragement I got from members on this forum helped to pull me out of this despair, helped me to realise that I am only human, a human who cares, who has feelings, who has emotions. 

So for me hope comes in many forms.  Yes i hope for my marriage to survive this.  I hope that he will regret what he has put me through.  I hope that I can get through this a better and stronger person whatever the outcome.  I hope my children will get through this without too many scars.  I also hope that the person I love most in the world, my best friend and my husband, can get through this and find happiness, contentment, self love, clarity and peace.  As hard as it is to be the LBS, to be the one that is blamed and criticised, it is also hard to see the person you love so confused, in such despair and making choices that hurt themselves and the ones they love.

It is such a throw away society we live in today.  If something breaks you replace it instead of fixing it.  This includes relationships, jobs, careers, study, friends, family.  We are teaching our kids to replace anything that doesn't work or is too hard with something new instead of using and developing problem solving abilities to try and fix what is seemingly broken.  We are also a society that wants everything new and modern and can't be happy with the old and out dated.  We find happiness in possessions rather than relationships, and in turn find discontent with anything that isn't new and exciting including relationships.

While I am an extremely emotional person, I am also very practical.  I agree with Thundarr, it's either going to work or it's not.  We all hope for the "it's going to work" part, but I think that if while standing we work on ourselves, building our own personal happiness, self love and self worth then we will be better able to cope with the "it's not part".

I find hope through reading about reconnections but also from the strength and wisdom from those that are standing or have been where I am now whether they are with there spouse or not. 

Today I am in a better place than I was last week and I have hope that my future will better than it is today. 

Ez xx

[xyzcf]

Anne J thanks for sharing that. I will read it again as it certainly hits home.

EZ...I still can't see my future too clearly..but I now know I want one and I feel more hope that it will be ok. If my Beloved returns, I think that might be harder than if he doesn't..time will tell.

Spring is coming soon, and everything that appeared dead over the winter will soon start to bloom and be brought back to life. I think the darkness and bleakness has passed...although I suspect that there could be terrible storms ahead still. I now prepare myself for the shock that those storms bring, ride them out, seek shelter in God and my friends and have learned that the bad times pass..the sun comes out again.

Good to here that you are doing well.

[WarriorPriestess]

Love that poem Anne!

[Ez]

Thx XY, you reminded me of the saying "be carful of what you hope/wish for".  We hope so much for our spouses to return but from what I've read it isn't all that it's cracked up to be and still takes time and a lot of work.  I spoke to my counsellor yesterday and she asked me what I wanted.  My first instinct is to say I wanted my H to come back but stopped and thought about it and replied "I want to find the strength to get through this crisis, to become a better and emotionally healthier person so that if my H comes back i have the strength and skills to then work on reconciliation and that if he doesn't come back I can see a future without him". 

I've come to realise that there is no smooth sailing on this journey of MLC and there will always be storms.  May we all be prepared for the storms and yes ride them out with as little damage as possible.  Take Care,

Ez xx

[stayed]

I spoke to my counsellor yesterday and she asked me what I wanted.  My first instinct is to say I wanted my H to come back but stopped and thought about it and replied "I want to find the strength to get through this crisis, to become a better and emotionally healthier person so that if my H comes back i have the strength and skills to then work on reconciliation and that if he doesn't come back I can see a future without him". 

This should be a POSTER... good statement, Ez'

hugs Stayed

[Sassyone]

WOW EZ, that's awesome.

I agree with Stayed it should be a poster.  I have the Serentity Prayer printed out and hanging on my desk at work to see since last January.  You may want to print out what you wrote and put it somewhere that you can read.

Sounds like some movement in the positive direction for you emotionally. 

Sassy

[honour]

I spoke to my counsellor yesterday and she asked me what I wanted.  My first instinct is to say I wanted my H to come back but stopped and thought about it and replied "I want to find the strength to get through this crisis, to become a better and emotionally healthier person so that if my H comes back i have the strength and skills to then work on reconciliation and that if he doesn't come back I can see a future without him". 

Beautifully put.

Strength to you Ez.

honour

[BonBon]

Put another accolade check mark in your column EZ....now THAT is healthy!
Good going!

Bon