[Tsunami]

Mentors,

First and foremost, I would like to thank every one of you for taking the time to help others through the confusing journey of a LBS.  No doubt, your love and support is greatly appreciated by all posters.

I would like to suggest an idea I feel would be very helpful.  Would it be feasible for the mentors to attach the link to RCR's standing articles from the site map in their signature to guide newbies to the articles for a greater understanding of the process?

I have been spending a lot of time reading the old discussion threads, and since RCR has upgraded the site some of the links no longer work properly, so I have been trying to think of a way we can direct others to the above-mentioned articles.

In advance, thank you for taking the time to read my suggestion and thank you for all of your hard work.

Tsu

Excellent idea!  Tsu... Stayed

[justasking]

Tsu

Good idea. I have taken this over to the mentor/moderator board for discussion.

xx

[TrustingMyHP]

Ready,

Great synopsis of two MAJOR issues for us HSs!  You've described my H and his OW to perfection.  Of course, I've read it all here time and again but you summarized it so succinctly.  Thanks!

And even though I know you're correct--that it's doubt about the problem being MLC that does in so many standers--I still have very bad periods when I want to give up because I'm convinced my H really is "in love" and will never "come out of it."  In other words, I have significant periods where I don't trust the process--and I pay the price in depression and despair.  Fear, for a time, wins out.

It's a struggle for me.

TMHP

[BonBon]

TMHP,
I know this is easier said than done...but try to view the process in a different way...trust in the process for yourself!  Focus on your own journey....that is as much if not more of the process as the MLCers. 

Your feelings of depression will come and go...and other feelings will come in and probably surprise you.  He has his journey and you have yours.  And you'll emerge stronger no matter what.

Hang in there!
Bon

[standingfromadistance]

I am desperate for support right now...I am crying my eyes out and don't know what to do. I am attaching an mail I received this morning.These words do not sound like H at all. I know he is in need of money to keep up his life style.

Advise Please!!!!!! Anyone at there.

The email

I have employed the services of a -------------------, she is a legal assistant.  I have hired her for the purpose of Dissolution of Marriage. I wanted to tell you this because you will be receiving a letter stating so. --------- is strictly a paper pusher. She has no position.


I have been thinking about how to separate our assets. I don't know how you feel about this. But as I see it we have.......
a house
an annuity
possessions
and commitments

For commitments the only thing I can think of is helping our son buy a house when he is ready. I will do this.

For possessions, there's all the "stuff" we've gathered over time and should be easy enough to agree on. I the last thing I want to do is take a lot of items that I really have no place to put and I don't want to create unnecessary problems for you.

As for the house I assume you would like to keep and I would like to have the annuity.

If there was a way for me to make this painless for you I would surly do it. But if you agree to everything as I have suggested it this should be the last time this is discussed.


You are more than welcome to contact -----------. Her office is located at------------
He could not even do this face to face...it sounds like to me he is in a hurry?

[StillStanding]

I am desperate for support right now...I am crying my eyes out and don't know what to do. I am attaching an mail I received this morning.These words do not sound like H at all. I know he is in need of money to keep up his life style.

Advise Please!!!!!! Anyone at there.

I answered this on what I hope is your thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2182.msg135929#msg135929

[Storm]

Hi...I have a question about rapid cycle mlc.  Do they move thru the stages at a different pace than those that cycle more slowly?  My H seems to be all over the place. 

Also, i have read more than a few times about husbands talking about the OW.  My husband has said nothing to me about her, what could that mean? 

Answered on your thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2361.msg138038#new

[dumbfounded2]

What does a "Low Energy MLCer" mean?

[Rollercoasterider]

Some MLCers are more overtly depressed--you can tell they are depressed. They may be less likely to move out of the house and though I think many and probably most have an alienator at some point, they seem slightly less likely to have an affair than the more typical high-energy MLCers.
 
Bomb Drop happens during or initiates Replay, which is a phase of the stage Separation. Replay was named by Jim Conway in Men in Midlife Crisis. Jim described the label as meaning do-over; it's an attempt to go back and relive youthful experiences. But more generally, the phase of Replay is Escape & Avoid--not everyone tries to do-over and those low-energy MLCers who do try, may burn through that energy faster and return to a constant low-grade depression.
 
There are a few topic threads on Low-Energy...hold on, I'll go search them and paste links here.
 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=303.0;all
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1301.0;all

[NoRegrets]

If they're avoiding responsibility, when they finally come out of liminality, are they willing to be more responsible?

Seems like a lot of MLC'ers were needy to begin with. My own acted like a child throughout our marriage--lazy, avoiding, wanting to be mothered. When he left he was upset that I wasn't there for him, didn't support him, etc.

Do they ever grow up and take responsibility for their actions, help out more around the house, act proactively to get things done?

Responding on your own thread, 

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2344.10

hugs Stayed