[summer progress]

I was reading a post on someone's thread and they mentioned that the hardest part of this was the lonliness. I thought it would be interesting to find out what the hardest part of each person's journey is.

I can say that for me the hardest part is the feeling of rejection. (Being told I am not the option he chose, being told he doesn't want my help, etc.)

After saying this, a friend told me that the way she sees it, her H rejected himself and not her. It made sense that they do reject themselves and who they were in our M.

So, what is the hardest part in this MLC madness for each of you?

[good4me]

Summer,

I cannot pinpoint just one thing. It feels like a few parts. For example the lies hurt but the rejection does as well. It is all tied together in a neverending rope that I am bound up in. You know how when you buy wire and its wrapped up. If you don't unwind it right it turns into a big tangled mess. That is what I have felt like for a while but now it is just a huge knot that I cannot find the place to start untying it.

Yes your friend does have a good thought that he rejected himself but being the one that is left makes it difficult at times to see that as the case. It all feels so very personal and destructive.

[summer progress]

Yes your friend does have a good thought that he rejected himself but being the one that is left makes it difficult at times to see that as the case. It all feels so very personal and destructive.

True G4M. That reminds me that I need to re-read my coaching post. RCR told me at the start that I need to stop taking this personally. I guess I need a reminder sometimes. When I wasn't taking it personally, it was so much easier to detach and let go. I seem to be the one taking the steps backwards.

The rope analogy is good... I guess that means we need to untangle and drop that rope. They have already left and are living their own lives.. they have dropped their end for now.

[trusting]

I think it is impossible for me to pinpoint even one or two things.  MLC is all very, very difficult to deal with.  I agree with the loneliness and the rejection.  Also, the security I had before has been yanked out from under me in pretty much every way.  It is also excruciatingly difficult for me to watch the pain my kids are going through and being helpless to do anything about it. 

[moc]

Trusting, Summer, G4M - thanks for the post on this thread.  It is weird I believe the loneliness and rejection also is difficult as I rarely get monster, I get the teenage texting terrorist princess as a live-in.  Still she can be only 2 feet away while we sleep and she has her back to me.  I miss her touch, her want to need me also.  But that is about to get even bigger as she is moving out to live by herself (so she says).  I do see my wifey rejecting herself in her words (complaining about her body, looking like her mother) but that is hard too when she wants validation for how she looks in some new jeans, top, shoes, etc. 

Hang in there everyone, and hugs to you all!

[Thundarr]

Hey Summer and all,

For me, seeing how it affects the kids is the worst.  The financial concerns are immense, but that's mainly because I worry for the kids' future.  They've lost so much already that I can't bear the thought of them losing more.

[trusting]

moc, I have a live-in MLCer also, though mine lives separately in the house.  It is hard to face that rejection daily.

[Little Chief]

I guess the hardest part for me is just missing him.  I miss the hugs, the laughter, the companionship.  But I'm not lonely, and I don't worry so much for the kids right now.  I think H and I have actually done as good a job as we can protecting them, and that is good. 

I am proud of who I am becoming, but do get frustrated when I regress.  I am trying to accept the ups and downs of this journey.  I try to handle myself in a way that I can be proud of, so I can be someone I like.   I would hate to be here in 3 years thinking "oh geeze, I wish I had not done xxx or wish I had done yyy". 

Ok, I guess I also miss having someone in the house tall enough to change light bulbs, and strong enough to open jars.  But I manage.

[xyzcf]

I cannot seem to turn off the broken record in my mind....he enters my head way too many times throughout the day even though I try very hard to fill my time and keep busy. My sleep is still very disturbed because when I wake up at night..I am immediately still thinking about us..there is no us anymore and I truly haven't figured out how to stop these thoughts.

I am lonely....and also since we stand...we somehow remain in this limbo...of living as though they are not coming back but being ready if they do..sometimes I think this is nuts, sometimes I think it is a very unhealthy way to live. I do not think he can return and so what does that mean? To live in this state forever is not acceptable.

I also don't know what to make that all his clothes, golf clubs, shoes etc are still in our cupboards and dressers. I know it is just for convenience on his part but it is starting to annoy me.

[JD]

It's all hard.  I don't think that for me there is any "hardest" part.
I do think though one of the more difficult things to deal with is that a marriage needs two people that are committed to each other to enter into it, but it only takes one person to unilaterally decide that it's over and done with.
The destruction is immense and touches every part of our lives: personal, sexual, financial, familial, social, locational, occupational, mental, emotional...you can add to the list.