[good4me]

Has anyone heard of a Vanisher returning ? Just  a bit curious..hard to know if they are progressing at all if there isn't any contact . How are they supposed to know of the changes the stander is making ?

[Shantilly Lace]

umm i was a vanisher and I returned.

i had very little contact with dearheart and NONE about me.  There were court proceedings occuring.

He had no clue.  I turned up one day and said I would like to reconcile, he looked stunned to say the least and distrusting, i don't blame him.

It does happen

[StandandDeliver]

Through a friend I heard 2 stories. First about a man who left his wife and three children to move in with younger OW. Stayed with her about a year, then dumped her, went back to wife and they had a fourth child together and are still together.
Second about another lady (don't think there were children). Think she and her husband were about 40 when he left for another woman. Gone for 2 years and dated OW and then when that ended became a veritable man ow ;-). End of two years returned to wife saying, "I've dated a lot of women and decided that you were probably the best all along"...   . Wife said, "thanks for the compliment, my (much younger) boyfriend certainly thinks I am". So, LBS in happy new relationship with young verile man. Her H miserable and full of regret.

Hear all these stories and I do believe my H may regret his actions or even wish to return one day. But it is me that wonders if he has done too much damage and I remain unconvinced that I would want him...

[BonBon]

In retrospect, I think I've known 3 people who've had MLC's, all in my extended family.  The first was my aunt.  One day my uncle came home to find a note on the kitchen message center saying she had left and he could reach her at...

She said he did not appreciate her.  They reconciled within a few months I believe though I suspect it took much longer for them to work it out.  I can't be sure it was an MLC but her age was right, the last child had left the house and her move was abrupt and not something my Uncle saw coming.  Fast forward, they were married for another 30 +/- years after that until he passed away.

I believe my cousin's husband had an MLC because he gave her the "I never loved you and I never wanted this" line.  He moved out, they divorced and though it seemed awful at the time, she thrived after that and is no doubt better off.  At that time, he had hooked up with a young woman and paraded nude in front of his kids.  He was in his early 40's.  MLC I'm sure.

My other cousin's husband just left her and moved to a foreign country though says they are still married....that outcome remains to be seen though he does keep in touch.

[Buggy31]

I got this message very strongly one day when in the basement doing laundry.  I was getting wrapped up in thoughts about him and how he could just cut me off yadayadayada and How the F could he just stop thinking of me and a very clear voice which I now know as my intuition said HE IS...HE THINKS ABOUT YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW...HE'S THINKING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW AND THAT'S WHY YOU ARE THINKING OF HIM.  Well that was the end of it for me.  I didn't get wrapped up in what he was thinking anymore that's all I needed and it was a VERY CLEAR message and it wasn't thinking...I KNOW it was the truth.

Mine also expressed that he didn't want to be in the R but he was fearful if I was with someone else how HE would feel.  I told him TOUGH sh**.  He didn't like that...I was laughing..he was not.  Anyway they are all so similiar and for the longest time as a newbie I would try to imagine what he's thinking.  Eventually you learn not to even bother..that's how whackadoodly they are.  It's not worth it...it's not worth going to the place where they spin.  They are really OUT OF IT...NO MATTER WHAT FACE they show the world they are wearing a MASK and it is the MASK that got them to the MLC in the first place. 

[LettingGo]

Marie Osmond just remarried her first husband, Stephen Craig..... they were married 30 years ago... lasted 3 years, one son together who is 28. She's 51 and he's 54. She wore the dress she got married in the first time.... go to People.com for the short story.

[StandandDeliver]

LG - that would never happen to me - I gave my dress away to charity 3 weeks ago!!!

[Mamma Bear]

 I love the "crumbs" they leave. I still find a lot of comfort bc H told my Ds 9 and 11 "Did Mommy notice I started parking my car where she can see it when she drives to work?'
  (after parking it down an old alleyway for 7 weeks and not calling us)
  H talks to me about junk mail and the neighbor's cat went on our property. (the horror)only nothing REAL>  good for now.
  H tells the Ds weird stuff and they tell me. Argggh!
  Just like high school. MLCer teenage brain. Why doesn't he pass a note at lunch or hit me with a spit ball.
 Also just remembered how right post BD he stood in our kitchen looking sad and said "OW not a dumb blonde Bimbo. She's our age and she's really smart."
    Am I supposed to feel better about that?  She's still a Bowser.

[StandandDeliver]

Mamma Bear - no matter her age and her IQ he has still affaired down - there will be some underlying "neediness" in her that prevented her having a boundary about married men.

My H's OW is attractive enough (if you don't mind women who resemble horses), brunette although she is much younger, possibly intelligent in some ways, works for the same company (big surprise!!!), but I know that she has severe "Daddy issues" in that she grew up with only her mother and won't even speak about her father (can see why H was an attractive option - seemingly committed family man (not any more!!) but also raises the question why would she be willing to let him leave 2 very small children for her  - very selfish and self-serving (perhaps jealous of my life, too) , she is very controlling and jealous and somewhat pathetic. Traits that I do not share in any major way (everyone can be those things about some areas of their lives, but I know I am usually not those things and was not with H (otherwise I would have suspected the affair much earlier).

So whatever they say, they most often have "affaired down" in some way.

[Mamma Bear]

 The saddest part for me is trying to absorb the 180 H took. He used to dote on me. I walked on water. I made all the money,cleaned the house took care of the kids. PTA etc etc and he worshipped me. I guess when he started lounging around I got mean for a while and then I withdrew thinking "he's back on vicodin."
  Since the kids were small and his Mom 93 y.o was here I thought our "talk" should wait.
 Then Bam. Gone. Nice.
  Horse face ugly women who used to work at the convenience store and her 7 year old son isn't with her. Grandma! Oh well.
 I'm comfortable for now. He was so mean to me at the end. It sucked. Something had to give. Since h chose to do it the hard way I'm gonna chill and enjoy myself and my kids and my friends.
 Let H sit over in the tiny,hot apt w/ Bowser and his 3 day a week limo run. Nice life. Me and the Ds are going to the YMCA for a swim. Thanks for your feedback. Love ya all.