[Shantilly Lace]

Wouldn’t make a difference
not yet anyway.

[onedayatatime]

Hope Floats, you are right, I found out the hard way, before I found this site. 

When I received our disillusionment papers in June 2010, I had my h over to tell him I felt he was going through "something" and I was willing to wait six months to see if he felt differently about the divorce.  Altough he looked awful and polar opposite of my love, he said he was scared I was going to ask him to reconcile and said since he had moved out, it was freest he felt in years and we needed to proceed with the d.  The next words out of his mouth were: I am so lost, I do not think I am bipolar, and told me how he was crying randomly    I had found this copy of the 14 signs of MLC and gave it to him at this meeting.  He glanced at it and said "you are the only one who thinks I am going through MLC" and I said I am the only one that has been with you for fourteen years and knows you ~ no comment, but he did take it with him.             

He matched 13/14 signs.

One Day

[Mamma Bear]

  That was nice to read tsunami, thanks.
  I like to think of MLC like when I hit rock bottom and quit drinking in 2001. I could have read everything on alcoholism and just thought 'oh that's not me'  but it was!!!
  Human psychology must have this path of hitting rock bottom for other situations as well. Being taken down and broken so that a person can emerge as a butterfly afterwards. While in the thick of it.... You can't tell them anything. That's why the "say nothing about the R" works so well. The MLCer thinks he knows how we will react and when we don't it sometimes stops them in their tracks.
  Thank God my sister and BIL have been through this. It's like asking someone who has had a medical condition and successfully navigated it to healing and good health! I'll tell them "Oh H ran away without any notice to live with some woman from the mini mart"    My sister, eating french fries, says "Oh yeah..it happens. Don't worry...crunch crunch pass the ketchup"   So nonchalant..she says "MLC sux but it won't be forever"

[arp1]

It's incredible (and comforting too) that just switching the male to female described in that list comes up with the exactly the same pattern of behaviour. I especially liked this:

"We don’t go out any more.
All you ever do is work play golf etc.
We don’t have any fun together any more.
I’m not sure I can continue living with you
You never….
I’m not trying to blame you (but by implication you are)
We have grown apart…"

Spot on!

And it's true that they *never, ever* acknowledge what is happening as MLC.

[Musica]

I read this and felt that it was just exactly what my H has been saying for the past 3 years.

I also gave this to H to read ... ( those who know my story, know he's quite a way along but not done yet!)

 ... he read it and said ... yes that's just like me! 


Mmmm ... well take the advice then H!

[With Gods Help!]

Yeah my h to a tee........the only difference is hes now living in $h!te VILLE lol ........i don't think they it makes any difference until their ready to change..........my h admitted being in MLC at least 2 yrs ago...... sometimes i think it gives them excuses in their head to continue to act this way xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Shantilly Lace]

I didn’t quite go so far as to email it to him, but I did put it in my FB and he seems to be able to read it so...


Anyhow it amuses me to think he looks at it and goes what the hell is she on about.


Altouhg I did send to him totally and I mean totally by accident one of RCRs blog entries.  it suited him down to a Tee which IF he bothered to read it he may actually recognise some of the behaviours one day, BUt right now my bet is he glanced and deleted lol

[evas]

HF,
Wow - your MLCer can read?! I swear to god, my H cannot for the life of him read or comprehend more than 10 words strung together. I put out a piece of paper about cheap tennis lessons for S4 and H couldn't read that. He sat with it and sat with it (it was very clear and easy to read, not even a full page) and then he turned to me and said: "How much is it and when does it start?" OK...

Anyway, thanks Tsunami for posting this, where did you find it? No use in showing it to H of course. A) To long and difficult for him to read B) It really has nothing to do with him or his situation anyway. But I will save it for later.

Have a great day everybody! I'm so glad I found this place thanks to OP.

[Thundarr]

HF,

You sent an article to your H, and also posted it on your wall for him to see?  I'm shocked, but glad to be reminded we're all human.

Thanks for the read, Tsunami.  There really is no words to describe the devastation that happens or the effect on innocent families.

[TrustingMyHP]

Tsunami,

Thanks for posting this.  Even though I've read it all before it's so helpful to have it summarized like this. 

It is shocking how predictable the MLC script is.  Even so, though, I still have times, even 16 months post BD, when I doubt, when I ask myself, "Maybe my H just wants out of the marriage and he's not really in MLC." 

Then I read something like this and realize all over again, "He's in MLC!"

Thanks again!

TMHP