[LeaveThePastBehind]

Hi everyone!


I've been trying to gather information about when a child results from a mid-life crisis affair ( I really do despise that word ).


As some of you may know, I found out about a child that was born about two months ago. H and I were no contact for a long time but then, suddenly, one day, he got in touch with me and I decided to respond. That was last August. I now realize that he got in-touch with me when he found out the news. We met up two times since then and he never mentioned a word about it. One meeting was just a week within the birth date. I eventually found out from my Mom who knew but didn't tell me.


I'm just curious about how many of your situations have resulted in a child. In, my case, the Op had a four year old son when they met three years ago and H had been saying then, that he wanted a baby ( we were unable to ) and I wonder if this little one was planned ( I feel, in my heart that it was ).


I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess I want to read more stories to gain more understanding. I do understand how it happened but...


I've received invaluable advice and comfort here for this so far but there's something I'm missing, still.


I know of a few of you but I wonder how common it is? If there is a child, how did it / will it affect your views? Are there certain circumstances in an mlc that make this an attractive option for them ( if it was planned )? How do they really feel about the child? Ahhh, so many things.


Any insight would be appreciated.


Thank you, Sincerely!

[Mamma Bear]

   Hi StarGazer, So sorry to hear of even more pain for you! Arrrrgh!
   I am always reading up on wgh (with god helps) She has an affair child in her scenario. She handles it with such class and grace. Once she was even bouncing the baby on her knee! And when her H speaks to her he sounds like he's still in love with his wife!!!!
  How does your mlcer talk about all this to you? Sorry I get confused by all the drama surrounding us....    

[LeaveThePastBehind]

Thanks Mamma Bear!


With Gods Help is one of the stories I know of. And also Buggy31, With Hope, Watching & Waiting and I think that's it. I haven't read all their threads yet though.


I haven't had any contact with H about it other than confirmation by him, via email two weeks ago. He said "he's happy to be a Dad. It's the best feeling and that's what I'm in love with". I think he thought I knew about it all along through the grapevine but I didn't.


I guess I'm in the minority. This doesn't seem all that common in a lot of stories.

[Dontgiveup]

I believe Writingmom is another.  Neither having a child and/or marrying the alienator seem to be all that common, but either/both do happen in a few situations.

[Mamma Bear]

 Star, and I know this is little consolation but it probably doesn't affect the mlc outcome much. He is running and avoiding and looking for a high from some outside thing or person! The lure a new life! He'll still have to go through the whole tunnel and grow and learn life's lessons.  
  All of our MLCers can choose to live a lie in a fake R with a stranger BUT the ones who successfully navigate through all the damage they have inside and created outside are going to do it even if they have a baby or not. Poor kid has a life of challenges and now this.............. Won't increase their chances of staying together...That's what I think...jus gives ow more emotional blackmail material. Sounds like BLISS!

[watching and waiting]

Hi,
I am one of the newest member of this group, like you SGG,
I am still stirring in the initial emotions it brings.
I too would be interested in this topic.

I think another couple of members of our group are 'Writingmom' and 'OliveOyl'
WM being the first on the forum I think with an A child.

Big hugs to you

[LeaveThePastBehind]

WritingMom and OliveOyl. Good to know. Odd that I just got the idea to start this thread.

I believe Writingmom is another.  Neither having a child and/or marrying the alienator seem to be all that common, but either/both do happen in a few situations.

I suspect marriage / engagement will be the next bomb drop for me. But I'm trying to have positive thoughts and not attract that outcome into my life ( as if I can help it any ).

Star, and I know this is little consolation but it probably doesn't affect the mlc outcome much. He is running and avoiding and looking for a high from some outside thing or person! The lure a new life! He'll still have to go through the whole tunnel and grow and learn life's lessons. 
  All of our MLCers can choose to live a lie in a fake R with a stranger BUT the ones who successfully navigate through all the damage they have inside and created outside are going to do it even if they have a baby or not. Poor kid has a life of challenges and now this.............. Won't increase their chances of staying together...That's what I think...jus gives ow more emotional blackmail material. Sounds like BLISS!

That's very reassuring, MammaB. I have no idea what goes on with them. To be honest, I've been avoiding the details. I still will not look at pictures of them or search him out via google, etc. I still don't know if that was to my benefit or not. I think, it was best for me to stick to that stance... it hasn't been easy. All I know of them is what he has told me and how he seemed to me on the days I met up with him and also little things here and there that people have voluntarily mentioned to me. He kept all the friends so there's really no way of knowing what really happens anyway. Oh well.

Hi,
I am one of the newest member of this group, like you SGG,
I am still stirring in the initial emotions it brings.
I too would be interested in this topic.

I think another couple of members of our group are 'Writingmum' and 'OliveOyl'
WM being the first on the forum I think with an A child.

Big hugs to you

Thanks for Posting W&W. I feel like I'm always in that 1% group, lol. My situation, it seems to me, is a really, really unusual one, all things considered ie. we met soooo young, he's a vanisher, etc. Now this. It's difficult to relate to many situations as a result but I try.


**Thanks for changing the icon! I forgot to.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Who knows what they think. Your h is totally confused and the things that they do are all based upon the emotional state they are in.

From my estimates, they seem to be a baby involved in less than 3% of the forum members. I thought ti would be much higher considering the desire of the MLCer to have a younger woman and that OW would see the baby as a forced commitment to the relationship. The only thing is that many of the men are older and not ready to play Daddy all over. Also, the forum is not that old so it may be a while for the number to start to rise.

I feel most for the child and yes, the presence of the child forever unites the MLCer with the alienator. There is very little I can say, no good advice except to say that I do understand and feel your pain.

[LeaveThePastBehind]

Thanks Ready!   It's always good to hear your perspective. Gosh, I have all the odds against me, lol. That just means I'll have to fight harder to get over all of it. On top of it all, he's on the younger age of the spectrum which just adds to all the confusion for me. Again, in the minority in every way.


I do feel like they have a strong bond ( he, Op & little one ) held together by whatever it is that's holding them together.... love, hate, confusion... as you said who knows.

I feel most for the child and yes, the presence of the child forever unites the MLCer with the alienator

This is ultimately the hardest part for me to accept. I don't think it has really hit me yet how this new person will be around long enough to eventually grow up to be a man himself. A whole new life created. Three against one.


Thanks for understanding, Ready. That, in itself, is very comforting to me.

[With Gods Help!]

Hi SGG.....my MIL is one too.........her first h had an affair and had a baby .........at first my MIL would not accept it..she went and smashed up o/w house and even smashed the tv whilst o/w was watching it....because she felt o/w was ignoring her when she went to confront.......today my MIL and o/w and her are best-friends BONKERS i know...my h lost his dad when he 6/7 yrs old and him dying brought o/w and h's mum together for the sake of the child...i asked MIL how she could become friends with a woman who had his child...........she said something changed when he died....i spoke to o/w in my MIL case and asked asked if she regretted doing what she did.........she said YES she didn't realize just how hurt MIL had been til o/w's h left her for an o/w.................from what the o/w in my h's case told me she said my h wanted another child they had planned it.....my h still denies it he said she was obsessed with the baby thing but never thought it would happen as o/w had trouble conceiving in the past........I don't know whether it was or wasn't it doesn't change the fact that the baby is here..........i just see the baby as a distraction for my h ............whilst hes concentrating on the baby he can push his issues away.........but he cant push them away forever..........and as i see it the baby wont be a baby forever.........if he can leave his kids after so many yrs together then he wont have problem leaving her when he realizes that the baby isn't the answer............at the minute the MM stays through guilt and emotional blackmail mixed in with infatuation chemicals even that doesn't last..........and then poor baby or child/toddler by then becomes the weapon that o/w had him for............its a sad situation but one day it will end and i know it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx