[Anjae]

Actions are different from words. Same for tone of voice and look in their eyes.

Some MCLers cheat on OW with several OW. Some stop doing it other carry on having affairs with other OW while they live with the main OW. Most likely you husband’s OW likes the lifestyle and status your husband provides her. He probably likes the high and thrill she provides him.

It is true that we change with age and that, at middle age, we discover things about ourselves that we did not knew before. It is very unlikely that your husband’s match is a MLC affair.

My husband, like kikki’s, at first said he did not leave because of OW but because things between us were bad. That there was no solution for our marriage. When OW1 was no more (early 2008) he come and said he was feeling trapped and that OW1 was the wrong away of solving things. That he knew she had not been the answer. That he needed a new life.

He has been having his new life for ages. It did not took him long to get OW2. He was desperate for divorce since before he left. Rather than going for a mutual fast one he has been going for long, get nowhere court cases. We remain legally married and he has been gone for 5.6 years…

I would say believe less than 50% of what they do. Some of the stuff they do is just show off or an attempt to threaten us, it does not mean a thing nor is real. Believe a few things they say depending at the occasion and tone of voice. Agree with the – 99%  of what is on FB.

[Ready2Transform]

99%  of what is on FB

 

BWAHAHAHA!!  INDEED!  In the case of the MLC'er and their insignificant others, it becomes "Two-Facebook" or "Fantasybook". 

[Trustandlove]

Just to clarify for an old brain..  is that "minus 99%" of what's on FB?  Because I'd hate to believe 99% of what's there....

[kikki]

LOL  I was hoping the same thing T&L 

[Anjae]

To me is - 99% of what is on FB... meaning there is 1% left to believe... if we believe that remaining 1% at all...

[fornow]

Thank you all,

AnneJ must say 5.6 years is a long time to be standing.  Good on you.  I do not think i will be doing the same hence the "fornow" member name. 


take care

[Anjae]

Hi fornow, I'm not standing. Not anymore. I'm still legally married and waiting for divorce. Courts are pretty weird and slow here.

Hugs, A

[fornow]

Hi

Should i take some revenge - i know that this does not help with the unconditionals but at times this thought does rear its ugly head.

Without going into too much detail - i was sent evidence from one of the many OW's H was cheating on main OW with. This evidence is of H on a chatline arranging meetings with many OW's.  I have had this evidence for 2 years and have never sent it off.  I guess for most part i am of the opinion that H and OW must live and let live - allowing infedility to take its natural course.

But at times, like now anger rears its ugly head, especially when H defends OW's innocence and says she is kind AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! At these times i am tempted to send this evdidence to OW - annonymously of course - via post not e-mail.  i want to knock her off her pedistal and i want H to witness who she could become if she is hurt - i want H to witnes main OW dark side. 

should i take my revenge?  this evidence is a bit outdated now but it clearly shows H cheating on main OW who he had been with for over a year.  it shows H cheating on main OW 6 months into their affair becoming public.  sometimes i feel stuff the high road!!!!

[Moving Forward]

Hey fornow,
the best revenge is a successful happy life - something which your H and his string of OW are not going to enjoy.

I would say that whilst you may feel a few sweet moments of joy at their unhappiness but it will just push them closer together and adds fuel to his fire and justifys why he left blah blah blah. Letting him go is much more confusing to an MLCer.

Keep the focus on you, your healing and being lovingly detached whilst you build a life, for you, that you can be proud of

((hugs))

[Moving Forward]

Hey fornow,
Thank you for your PM - I think you are right not to use the 'discriminating' information. It will keep your reputation safe and helps you detach from his crisis.

I would keep the focus on you and your healing. You'll learn to process these 'cycles' of feelings in time - some of them are quite forceful but to be healthy we shouldn't just squash them down and hope they'll go away.....that veers way too close to MLC territory. As you become aware of your own cycles and triggers it'll give you the confidence to know that you are able to cope with what lies ahead.

I keep seeing tantalising glimpses of my exH's 'new and shiny' life - these gifts come at me at random times. I have learned to just acknowledge them and place them into the jigsaw puzzle - slwoly I am building a true picture of what's what....and it isn't pretty. He doesn't need to know that I know anything - I keep that to myself but the 'new knowledge' is useful as I encounter issues going forward.

How are you?? What are you doing for you? Let me know if you need help or if you feel like posting to update your situation.

((hugs))

P
x