[TrustingMyHP]

This may not be an appropriate question.  It's encouraging "expectations."

But I'm curious!

Will your MLCer acknowledge Mother's Day? If so, how will he do it?

Do you expect a gift, a card, a letter, an email or text?  Will he take you out for dinner, drop by the house to see you, take you to a family gathering, help your children buy presents for you?

If you're living together, will he do something special or treat it like any other day?

How many MDs have you lived through since BD? 

This will be my second Mother's Day since BD.  Last year my H wrote me a lovely, long email, just like he would have written if we'd been together.  He'd been living with OW for 4 months at that point.

This year I expect nothing. He's still living with OW, 16 months now.  I went NC, except for occasional admin stuff, three months ago.  Trying to walk the tightrope of "detached yet loving" from a distance.

How 'bout you?

TMHP

[kikki]

Hi TrustingmyHP - a relevant question today 

The first MD was four months post BD, my H was still living at home (just).  He made me a card (family tradition), and organised present buying with the boys.  It was weird though, because nothing happened until late in the day.

The second one, he organised present buying with the boys, phoned me.  Had a long conversation about what a wonderful mother I was, and then a couple of hours later I heard his vespa scooter pull up, and the door of his old landrover slam shut.  He then sent me a txt saying there was something in there for the boys to organise.

I sent the eldest out to have a look.  It was a cake that H had made and he left a note for the boys, asking them to ice it?

This year - he's away with work, and was meant to be back yesterday, but extended the trip.  I don't know if he has organised presents with the boys (I don't think so, but he may have tried.  I think they would have fobbed him off this year.  They are so 'over' his tokenism). 
He has also been trying to phone the boys the past couple of nights, but none of us picked up. 
I did check S14's ph, and he tried to phone their cell as well.  Later sent a txt asking if any of them had MADE me a card.  (There's that family tradition again).  S14 didn't respond to that question, but did respond to the txt.
He MIGHT send me a txt or give me a call, but I won't be talking to him as I am DIM.  I am not 100% certain of this though.

It's early here now.  I can hear the boys in the kitchen cooking up a storm.  Special MD breakfast by the sounds of it.  Happy Mothers Day everyone. 

[NoRegrets]

Last year, H moved out the day before Mother's Day. The next day, he texted me to wish me a happy day as he was moving his belongings into a fabulous new and large apartment. He said that he hoped I had a good day because I deserved to, that I was a good mother. He'd not been able to tell me I was a good mother while we were married, for some reason. I think it's because I am so different from his mother.

This year I expect no acknowledgement--just as I received none for our wedding anniversary, for my birthday, and lately no replies to my outreach texts.

H typically works on Mother's Day. If he doesn't work, I hope he'll spend it with his mother, who worked her tail off to keep her kids clothed and fed when H's father left the family and refused to pay child support. As unhappy as I am with H's mother, I know she did the best she could and was really a very good mother and grandmother. I disagree with how she's handling our separation, but I recognize she lacks a lot of information about MLC and may not even recognize it.

Regardless, I hope H will give his mother some love.

I used to arrange to have flowers delivered to her house with a note from H telling her he loves her. I don't do that for him any more. I'm sure she knew that her son's wife was handling this for him.


Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and fathers who are standing for their children, and to anyone who has a mother.

[JAG]

Last year was my first mother's day and, now that I think about it, my H didn't do anything...I guess i should have realized something was up...even though it isn't really like him to do something...

So, this year, with my second mother's day and now 2 kids....I know I will not get any acknowledgment for sure!

Doesn't matter....I don't need his well wishes...I know I am a good mom and all I need to celebrate are my kiddies (and my own mom)!

[Mitzpah]

I admit, I am curious as to whether he will acknowledge it this year after Monster spew earlier n the week about how bad a mother I am
He never made a great thing of Mother's Day, so unless he does a 180 (commom for MLCers) and celebrates it in top form with OW, I have no expectation at all that I will hear a peep out of him.
What really concerns me is whether my middle s18 will come home - he just texted saying that he might sleep over at his Dad's again ...

[NoRegrets]

Mitzpah--

Totally out of character for me, but I am learning to ask for what I want instead of watching and then being disappointed.

Is it ok to tell your children that you're expecting them for Mother's Day because as their mother you want to spend the day with the children who blessed your life?

If you can't do it for you (and you should) then do it for them. God forbid anything happen to you one day and they have to live with the guilt of disregarding you on, of all days, Mother's Day! That is your day! 

[Mitzpah]

Cali,

I have sent him a text in reply to his announcing that he might be staying over: Are you not going to spend Mother's Day with me?, as this did not elicit a response, I sent another one - half an hour later : Son?

So far, no response...

This is so out of character for this particular son...

[kikki]

Mitzpah - I am sorry for this latest hurt you must be feeling.  Last MD, I had a horrible day.  My kids, even though their Father arranged presents with them, didn't get around to giving me anything until the next day.  The youngest two had done the presents, and the agreement was that S17 (then 16) make the card. They didn't know what to do, as he kept stalling.  I had no idea what was going on, and the younger two were equally upset, but didn't say anything. 
By the end of it, we were all upset.  I think, it is a difficult transition for them to make.  Brings up all sorts of abandonment issues for them (usually their Dad would be around to guide them), which mine obviously weren't ready to face that year.

This year - what a change.  S17 has just gone off to his Sunday job, but got up two hours early to make me poached eggs, bacon, lemon hollandaise sauce on wholegrain toast.  Plus coffee.
S16 made the card. S14 wrote me a poem, and they all gave me a 'voucher' for 6 horseriding sessions. 
Just lovely!
The funny thing is - apparently they bailed their Dad up a couple of weeks ago to pitch in some money for the riding.  They decided to split it four ways.  S17 apparently took on the job of organising it all. 
I wonder how the MLCer felt about that. 

[Shantilly Lace]

Ok
This is my 3rd MD.


1st MD was pretty good really, we were hyper bonding, I didn’t know what I was going to face, he was here, lovely gift, flowers and spent the day with him, the girls and his mum.  Buying things and meals. It was slightly annoying I remember as ow texted like a mad woman the whole time as her kids had gone away.


2nd MD he wasn’t here, but he had taken the girls shopping and provided them money to buy bacon for breakfast in bed.


This year once again not here.
As far as I know he will be at his mum’s (with or without ow who knows) house but I won’t see him at all.   He took the girls shopping for gifts and guided their choices.  He also turned up yesterday and took them to buy food, not just for Mothers day breakfast but also for the picnic I planned today.  The girls also asked to buy me flowers which he agreed to.  It is very generous of him.  He also asked what was planned for tea.  As I am broke I had just planned to have a home cooked meal.  The way he was asking I suspect he would have supplied money to help.  Just a feeling.
I will say that we have an agreement to purchase gifts to a certain amount.


When he’s upset with me it is always, always spot on or under (like with my birthday lol) and when he’s ok he allows them to go over lol. 


I don’t expect anything really, but I was surprised with what I did get and how generous he has been this year.  More a throwback to the man I used to know lol.  Oh and I hope this thing with his family keeps going.  He seems to be wanting to spend time with his family.  Something I really haven’t seen since this began.

[LettingGo]

First Mother's Day was right around BD.... I still didn't know what was going on... maybe I really DID think he was working all the time so he could get "space"... hard to remember... BUT, I got flowers with a card that said "To the best Mom two kids could ever have!!".

Last year, he was with ow on Mother's Day, but had taken the kids shopping for cards and crap gifts for me at the card store next to the grocery.... pretty sure it was their idea. He also bought them stuff to make me breakfast in bed and then promptly took off for ow's for the weekend.

He has told me several times what a BAD Mother he thinks she is... but that she probably thinks she's a good one, LOL!!

He was home A LOT for the past couple of weeks..... maybe they broke up... not sure.... seemed like he was going cold turkey, but who knows? Anyway..... I got the coward's text last night that he was "Trying to make it home, but probably wouldn't make it tonight...." which is MLC speak for "I'm going to ow's for the weekend, but lying to myself that it will only be for one night to break up with her" or some such garbage. My boss gave me a three day weekend off.... the weather has been beautiful, and he is MIA. He hasn't helped the kids at all.... I went to the store earlier to get eggs and sausage so they could at least make me breakfast in bed like last year... then, I am taking them to see "The Avengers" at their request, even though husband took them last weekend while I had to work. My kids want me to "treat" myself by taking us all to the movies...

FWIW, he had mentioned taking all of us to see it this weekend "Maybe that will be your Mother's Day present!!" and I just said "You don't have to do anything..." guess that was what he was hoping to hear, LOL!!

What's sad is that ow must feel very, very powerful to be able to get him away from his wife and kids on birthdays and holidays..... these are years he will never get back... we haven't had a photo of the two of us since the summer before BD.... about 3 years now. We both have changed a lot.... definitely grown old from the stress... the kids have grown up.... not sure we will be here for him if he ever does wake up....I mean, life goes on, doesn't it? Kids grow up and move out..... he has missed so many milestones in their lives....not sure I feel sad for him any more..... I feel sad for us.

Pity party over.... have a wonderful Mother's Day everyone, and remember.... you really ARE great Moms and Dads..... holding down the fort and nurturing your kids as best you can with no help from your spouse... at this point, I see the REASONS for their abandonment.... but it's not much of an excuse, is it? The damage is done.