[Thundarr]

Funny thing today is that the doctor came to me and told me that he had a client who he was seeing who reported his mother making him ashamed due to her being 45 and acting and dressing 17.  When he came out she was waiting and he said he could have fell over as this woman was absolutely pathetic.  Her son said she was dating a much younger guy after leaving his father and everyone thought she was nuts.  Of course she thought all was fine.  The doctor said he wished she would come for therapy, but she was insistent that there must be something wrong with her son.

He assured me he would research further and get back to me.

[kikki]

You're spreading the word Thundarr.  (in a subtle way).  Brilliant. 

[Anjae]

and he had his thyroid tested, as his sister had been diagnosed with problems.  I remember really hoping that there was a physical cause.

That turned out not to be the case, but I do know that for some it is.   It is always worth checking out.

Yes it is always worth testing out. Mine never got tested. He did not want to. He can have the thyroid problem or not. No one knows.

Nicely done, Thundarr.

[Niek]

Very interesting. I just read that a PTSD may also cause personality changes due to changes in the brain chemistry. People who were emotionally and/or physically abused as a child and who were never able to talk about the abuse may develop a PTSD later on in life.

My H never talked about his childhood only that it was a happy one. But.. one of his sisters once told me that if she would have been treated like my H when he was a child, she would never want to see her parents again. She didn't understand why my H was still visiting his parents every weekend. She gave me some very horrible examples. Later on I asked my H about this but the only thing he said that he could understand his parents and that some of the things his sister told me were different in his memory.
And the strange thing is that my H after BD had been saying some very strange things to me. Like he was talking to his mother, things like that I had never been glad with him, never wanted him and much more crazy stuff. He doesn't even remember this episode anymore.

About Borderline personalities. People who suffer from Borderline they split people due to their black and white thinking. One day they are all good and the next day they are all bad. But I wonder if it is possible that people can hide such a personality for so long. If MLC is a kind of Borderliner how come that we never noticed something was wrong?

[kikki]

Niek - that is very interesting about PTSD.  I too wonder if this is my H.  Were you reading about this online?  And if so, would you mind posting a link please?  Thanks.
He has always despised his mother, but was always good to her, but distant.
He was always very vague about why.

Around BD, he did the same as your H.  Said all sorts of things that he had never mentioned to me before - but he was pretty manic at the time, and it was like he wasn't really talking to me. 
He also claims to have zero memory of doing this now too. 

[Niek]

Hi Kikki,

I am from The Netherlands so everything I read was in Dutch. But here is something in English. http://www.upliftprogram.com/article_ptsd.html

My H was also very good to his mother. Too good I should say. I now understand that he is severely parentified, his brothers and sisters too. They treat her like a little child. He couldn't do anything without his mother. He even wanted her to come and live with us, which I didn't allow.
And yes, he too was manic at that time and doesn't remember a thing.
You should also read about attachment. I always saw that his family is not attached in a normal way. They never communicate, only making jokes when it becomes too emotional, no one knows from each other what they are really doing or what is going on in their lives. His mother once gave my H an apron, saying that he loves to cook. You understand. The only thing he knows is how to boil an egg. There are a lot of other things she thinks about him which aren't true.
H once told me that his father used to beat him.... but his mother never did anything to prevent this. She just stood there and watched. All her children use to run away when they are having a conflict with someone else. Now I understand why.

So that is what I mean. She is not involved and you can really see that she was never able to stimulate her kids. If you are not involved as a mother, and not really love your kids unconditionally a child will feel that I guess. And I think it is too painful and thus you block this from your memory until you are not able anymore to do so.

[kikki]

Thank you Niek, that was very interesting, and seems to fit my H.
I have read a book about attachment theory, and yes, think that also fits.

At BD, my H was shrieking 'She didn't protect us!' (his mother).
Very very sad. 
He had very little to do with his family, always far more attached and interested in my family, until this crisis hit.
What a legacy poor parenting leaves on the next generation. 

[Rollercoasterider]

If MLC is a kind of Borderliner how come that we never noticed something was wrong?

There are situations in life in which we all may display attributes of different personality disorders or bipolar or other issues of mental instability. In-fatuation itself causes some of these, then add the possessive longing of in-fatuation to a couple where one is technically unavailable... in women that may bring out attributes common to BPD. It may bring out narcissistic attributes in men. MLCmen display high levels of narcissism and MLC women display high levels of BPD. That doesn't mean they are NPD or BPD.

[Niek]

@RCR. Thanks for your reply. This explanation fits my H cause when he met OW he really became manic and left us immediately.

@Kikki. Since my H is in MLC I learned more about his childhood than he ever told me due to the things he accused me of and other strange things he told me. Everybody has childhood trauma's I think. But it is the way you deal with them. If you burry them and never think about them anymore that is something you cannot persist.
I also understand now why H always wants people to like him. I once asked him about that cause why do you want the whole world to like you. It is about the people you love and who are close to you, your friends and family. Not the butcher or the guy from the supermarket. H became furies didn't say a word stood up and ran away. In the beginning of his crisis he was telling me all the time that it was soooo easy making other people to like him. How sad I think. So his crisis revealed the family secrets which they all tried to hide from the outside world.

[c3po]

Thanks for starting this thread. Definitely gives us all something to think about. If MLC is due to some sort of organic pathology in the brain, it makes me somewhat afraid of many of our MLCers never getting better. BF has had depression for awhile, but was unwilling to acknowledge or seek treatment.  He would always say that he "had issues" and that his "mind was going to mush.". Maybe he was on to something and that was his cry for help? Did I drop the ball along the way by not seeing this? Should I have pushed him more to seek treatment for depression?

He hadn't 't worked for a long time.  I subscribe to the use it or lose it theory on intellect. I was always encouraging him to get out and do things and maybe even volunteer somewhere if he wasn't working.  Was this lifestyle choice a precursor to his brain processes going awry?  Was I responsible for not steering down a better path if he was beginning to be unable to do so himself?