[readytofixmyselffirst]

26 months since BD. I think she is going through om withdrawal right now. Who knows. I think the fact that they are very far apart has kept the fantasy going for both.

However, like everything else, it is losing its luster. However, I am going to let you know, it is not easy. Now she is just reflecting on living on her own. More quiet, does not go out much, and is nonchalent about most things that are going on around us.

She watches a lot, no I mean a lot of TV!

[Moving Forward]

I think the first faint rumblings of my exH's MLC was in late 2000 - we had lived and worked in London for the previous 10 years and he had a very sudden desire to move back North so 'my kids know their grandparents and cousins' -we moved back to the North of England in June 2001 and our daughter was born in July 2001.

My exH's paternal Grandma died in October 2008, he reconnected with his exGF in November 2008 and I confirmed his affair on our 14th wedding anniversary on September 30th 2009 - he left the next day.

Looking back he was increasingly angry and aggressive for the 4 years up till BD - our 10th wedding anniversary party was blighted with him screaming at me and demanding a divorce the night before. I thought we were working things through .......and that life was going to be tough for us as we had two small children, both worked full-time etc.

His MLC rumbled below the surface, erupting occasionally and then kaboom he had the power and the evidence he needed to leave. He has been consistently angry since he left and very clear that this is his chance of happiness, he deserves it and he's going to go for it.

He looks shocking, he has his dead shark eyes and despite appearances to the contrary, my well trained eye sees no change in how he handles life's problems or conflict and it is still all about him. Classic covert depressive as looks smart, together and functioning.

Lost for a long time in my view - perhaps never to return.

[limitless]

Well, BD was 2 years ago....

I know that he was in contact with his ex-wife sometime during 2009....went to visit her in August of 2009.

Our oldest graduated from high school in 2008.....she was his favorite....he took it kind of hard when she went away to college....

He had a heart attack in 2006....not sure which of these was the "trigger" although he did admit that he "changed" after the heart attack.  That he was no longer the same person.

Replay has been 2 years.....probably longer.

L

[valsie]

I really do not know for sure how long he was MLC before the bomb dropped as it is now a blurr.  I know he says he had a affair with OW for four years before he dropped the bomb. He told me about 8 months before that he did not love me anymore.  I really only felt something was wrong for about a year.  He seemed to withdraw, both sexually and emotionally.  He became more and more distant.  I guess , even though he lied about most things, I will believe him that it was for 4 years BEFORE the bomb, we are now at the 2 year mark of me finding out about OW and almost a month later he moved out and has not returned.  He phones drunk occasionally and has been with many women (he is in Thailand , where women search for Western men )   He is now with OW #1, again, who seems to be his most important OW.  They fight quite a bit (she was a prostitute  and is from Thailand) 
He is still in escape and replay.  I see no signs of him coming home although I seem to be waiting.   He now chats with 2 of 3 daughters. I guess he has been a MLcer for at least 6 years.  He will be 60 years old in the fall.   

[Returned]

My bomb drop was 8 months ago. It is hard to say when his MLC began as he has had intermittent alcoholism and depression issues for decades. OW#1 has popped into and out of our lives during both of my pregnancies, as my husband has a buddy who worked very hard to enable their long distance relationship. However it is now clear to me that my husband planned bomb drop with some forethought. How Long? Minimum I would say 5 months, but more likely I believe it was 13 months.

My husband appears slightly calmer now than he was at bomb drop. At the time he was almost manic and frantic. I have no idea where he stands with OW1 who is well known for multiple unstable relationships. There are two other possibilities for OW and I don't know, nor do I want to, where those stand at this point. What I do know is that my husband doesn't really act like someone is taking care of him....he often appears dishevelled, unkempt, hasn't eaten.

[Keepthefaith22]

My BD was 16 months ago, but I think this started a long time ago really. In 2003, my H moved to another state for a job and for almost 6 months we were separated because I was letting the kids finish school and trying to sell our house and get a job here. Well in the last month, he told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be married.  I moved with the kids a month later and he seemed fine, said he just missed us....hmmm.... I found out that from 2006-2009 he was having a phone/text relationship with a former co-worker from his old job who lived in a different state.  Then BD in 3/11 and then I discovered OW in June 11. We separated from June-Sept. 11, he came home, said he left that OW.  By Dec. 2011, gone again, now been gone for 7 months today. I believe it is a different OW or more than one.  They all work for him though and I don't really know the nature of any of these OW relationships at this point. He contacts very infrequently despite us having 3 kids, one who is 16.   So I think the beginnings of this may have started in 2003.  He always feared getting older. I thought it was not serious about him turning 50. (He is now 51)  It was serious, more than I could have ever dreamed.

[Returned]

Hi I would like to hear from the LBS who have MLC'ers who are more than 6 years out from BD. How old is your MLCer now? What are you seeing? Is replay winding down? How many years out did you start to see changes and what changes have you seen?

[Anjae]

long journey,,I've merged your thread with a similar one we had.

My MLCers is now 46. He was 36 when he left. He is still in Replay. I don't see much, if any changes. But I do not see him in real life nor do I talk to him. I have indirect view through Facebook, the media (Mr J has a public life), or if someone mentions something about him (these days very rare).

[living with Hope]

Bomb drop will be 5 years this Thanksgiving Sunday.  He ran just after the New Year.

Seen depression and rock bottom looming many times.  He still manages to climb out of his hole and keep running.

[ember]

My BD was Sept 2009 but I suspect he was in MLC for a good year before the BD. I rarely see him but what communication we do have, he seems to have changed. It all changed when his father was quite ill and dying a few months ago. I coached him through withdrawing his father's life support ( I am a critical care nurse in the Intensive care unit) and during that time and since then he has been his old self; friendly, funny, and nice. He lives with his girlfriend that he's had for a couple of years so I don't' know if he is done cooking or still in the tunnel. I am recently remarried so I really don't care either way.