[Chickpea]

My H had been different- moody, irritable, angry with situations that he didn't like for 3 years after we moved to another sate for his career.  BD was Jan2012- first made contact, we called and emailed, went to dinner occasionally.  He talked about how he was fixing up his apartment, going to the gym daily, golfing and biking on weekends (never did that when at home).  Talked incessantly how much better his health was and that there was no more anxiety.  Then little by little all communication came to a screeching halt.  Nothing.  I call, text, email- all is ignored.  He filed in April- haven't heard a word one way or the other.  It all sucks.

[BonBon]

I think my H was in replay for about two years...he was low energy and never left home.
We are in reconnection, he is in acceptance and currently revisiting the stages in that sort of low key, mini way they do at this stage.

With that said, I'm very sure now he was in MLC long, long, long before I realized.  For a long time I thought that it started in 2008 without me realizing it (BD was in July, 2009 and replay started a few months before that).  But now, with all this hindsight, I think his MLC started long before 2008...it was just so mild I could not have known.

Bon

[FindingJoJo]

With that said, I'm very sure now he was in MLC long, long, long before I realized.  For a long time I thought that it started in 2008 without me realizing it (BD was in July, 2009 and replay started a few months before that).  But now, with all this hindsight, I think his MLC started long before 2008...it was just so mild I could not have known.

I wonder how many were in MLC but we didn't know at first or understand.  In looking back the last year or so events I think he was in MLC all of last year and now the break.  It wasn't until I read about this to fully understand why he was acting the way he was this last year.  who knows.

[STILL IN LOVE]

Ok my BD will be 39 months tomorrow.

I have a clinging boomerang but he's in definite REPLAY !!!! Not sure how long it's going to last        Moved home 5 wks ago today for the 4th time but has seen OW for the past 4 weekends. I don't think my H was in MLC long before the BD........ maybe a few months, if he was he hid it well !!!

[trusting]

I wonder how many were in MLC but we didn't know at first or understand. 

FindingJoJo, I think this is pretty common.  I know that I didn't see signs of it until hindsight after BD and after learning about MLC.  Looking back, I can see that something was different in him for probably at least a year pre-BD.  It was very subtle for months, something that I couldn't quite put my finger on.  My H started detaching from the family that whole time and I didn't see it until hindsight.  MLC festers under the surface, creeping in, and we don't see it until it explodes usually. 

[Trustandlove]

Even thought what I think was the trigger was a few years before BD, I think he was actually in it for a very short time before BD, a few months maybe.  But it has now been years, and he has gone back to the beginning at least 4 times, changing OW each time.  So he's never been in any one situation long enough for it to become real. 

I've thought several times during this that ok, now he's made some decisions, and so on, and have been wrong every time.  Even just recently I thought he was being rational, etc., and was pretty shocked to discover that no, he's STILL avoiding.  He's thought nothing through.  It's been 5 years since BD. 

[kie]

In my case, BD was September 2008, but I lost my mother in 2004 and that was the trigger according to me and my father. He is still in replay, almost 4 years later with no end in sight. So, it will be almost 8 years! I have a vanisher with hardly no contact and only through email from time to time. I have no clue about the stages he visits etc.

Kie

[superdog]

It's funny how we can all see now where it started.

In 2008 we bought my H a Mr. Men t shirt which was Mr. Grumpy !  and he was like that from probably the year before. So if it's true to form then my H started this 5 years ago at age 39. BD was June 2009. Lots of things have slowed this down for him. He's low energy, avoidant personality, he stayed home which meant cycling from me and ultimately pressure and conflict. He's getting to the end of replay now, maybe been in limbo the last 9 months with returns to replay thrown in.

I think my h's trigger was after i had the twins in 2003 I nearly lost my life to post-eclampsia and it was him that "saved" me that night. It was PTSD i think which again he never dealt with.  He cried during a job interview when he recalled the event, that was last year. After i read Jed Diamond's article about why men leave I totally associated this. My h thought he had lost his "mommy" and probably realised how dependant he was.

very interesting reading everyone's story.

sd x

[onedayatatime]

Hi,

My exh is a vanisher and we have had limited correspondence via email since he left in April 2010 so I have no idea where he is at on his journey. I do pray he is at least progressing through the tunnel.  BD was 2/5/10. 

ODAAT

[FindingJoJo]

Thanks Trusting - I think mine started that year before too - but I surely didn't know anything about MLC until he didn't come home.  I am sure he is feeling like wow the stress is gone, but who wouldn't when you just let the wife take care of the bills.  I haven't talked to him in 3 weeks and in that time I have focused on myself which is all I can do.  I don't feel too bad though because all the family members he listened to who encouraged it he also cut off the week before me.  So pretty much he is isolating himself, surrounding him with new friends and only her family.  I just have faith in GOD that he will recover and pray for it.