[Ready2Transform]

I know that as of last summer, when I was still in the thick of my own crisis, I was looking forward to seeking counseling to help distance myself from my father in order to end my relationship with him.  I truly believed he'd stunted my growth and been responsible for the downfall of my marriage, and pretty much anything else I could pin on him.  I had replayed back to my rough childhood and was holding him hostage for all of the bad things that I felt he hadn't stopped, and I'd twisted my thoughts into feeling like that had paralyzed me. 

Keep in mind, I'd had a wonderful relationship with my dad prior to this, he'd loaned me an extensive amount of money that I was running from paying, and had done absolutely nothing to get slapped with this out of the blue.  But if I *had* seen a therapist, he or she would never have known that, because the MLC glasses were firmly in place.  Their counseling would only be as good as the information they were given to work with.  And at the time, I 100% would have stood behind what I was saying.

[Anjae]

So, a question about the script.  It seems to be pretty much uniform around BD and a few months after but what about in the second half of this.  Any observations?

From my experience with husband and cousin, a point comes when they totally want to disconnect from the LBS. They are going deeped and deeper into the tunnel/depression.

Kikki and other LBS with children say that, after some time, they start talking to the kids about OW.

My husband is on OW2. He become more and more teenager while with her, his Replay behaviour increased. He has been with her for nearly 4 years. 

As you know, he is a vanisher but I hear a lot through the grapevine and SIL FB.

The other thing I think its on the script is that, as time passes, they age. A lot.

And they become more and more forgetful about things from the pre-BD, around BD and the early months. Things they have said or done to the LBS. My husband knows what he did with OW1. I know because of his voice inflexion when he says: “you don’t know what happened, you know nothing about it”. He has another voice inflexion to the things he really does not remember.

What I don’t know is what he has done with monster. No idea where moster goes to since I’m not in contact with him. Last year I hear monster on the phone (first time in 2 years because we had not talked on the phone for 2 years or more) but this year there was no phone monster. Doubt monster goes to OW2…

More scrip, MLCers keeps lying to other person, other person keep manipulating. MLCers starts to have enough of other person but has no idea how to get rid of other person. Plus, MLCer has messes up big time with spouse.

The end of the second half will be MLCer hitting rock bottom, limilar depression and, from them on, trying to get together with LBS. Bon and the other who are reconnecting / in reconciliation write about how trying that phase is.

I think there is a big part, in the middle, where it pretty much is MLCer on la la la land, looking like they are not making any progress at our eyes. Probably they are but it will look much of the same to us.

HB wrote a lot on the final stages of MLC, think you can find a lot on info on her threads/posts.

[limitless]

I’m not so sure the love for an ex-spouse is a fantasy. If I remarry I don’t think I will ever stop love my husband. That does not mean I will not be able to love second husband. Love for a former spouse is different but I think it still exists.

AnneJ,

I understand your comment.  If I were to re-marry - I would imagine that I would still have some feelings (deep down) for my husband......

I have only been married once and it has been a long marriage (32 years)....so I guess I am not able to relate to the attraction of an ex-spouse.

My H and his first wife were married for 1.5 years when he was 20.  They had no children.  He had been divorced for 4+ years when we met.

I think the fantasy was that he believed he could just be with her and they could start again where they left off.  He with a wife and kids....she with a husband and a daughter....and 1500 miles distance between them.  I guess it was a fantasy to believe that she was his "true" wife and I had been his affair. 

I'm not sure he feels this way today....but back in December he told our kids that she had been the only woman who had truly known him.  Maybe that is true...I don't know.  I just know that I was the woman he spent the majority of his life with.  Maybe he never showed me the "true" him.

I may be more than a bit tainted - but if I were a counselor comments like that would lead me to believe that the person is living in some type of fantasy world.

limitless

[kikki]

So, a question about the script.  It seems to be pretty much uniform around BD and a few months after but what about in the second half of this.  Any observations?

I'm pretty sure that RCR wrote about this somewhere??  As they get further and further into the crisis, the crisis becomes more individual and specific to that person and their situation.  It is more varied. 

[Dontgiveup]

So, a question about the script.  It seems to be pretty much uniform around BD and a few months after but what about in the second half of this.  Any observations?

I think it's about getting to Liminality.  After Liminality comes Rebirth and Reintegration....the new Self if you will.
Everything leading up to Liminal Depression was preparation; the real work begins here.  Liminality is the means to reintegrating the Shadow fragments.

Keep in mind what RCR writes about the first two years (ish) in the article Being Number One
I know, two years feels like an eternity, but in MLC it's merely the end of the beginning.

[LettingGo]

Second half.... if that's what we're in... consists of "I don't want to be with her... I don't want to be there.... I know where my heart wants to be.... I can see the BIG picture, and it is home with you and the kids..... she knows THIS is my HOME.... I'm TORN.... I don't know why I do the things I do.... maybe it's self sabotage..... maybe I'm trying to kill myself.... just shoot me and put me out of my misery.... I don't want to be with you, her or ANYONE..... but IF I am with her, you DO know the kids will have to meet her.... but I don't WANT to be with her..... I shouldn't BE here (her house).... you know "that other thing" (ow r) isn't real, right?..... just because I say "i love you" to her doesn't make it true, ya know?.... PLEASE.... don't give up on me...."

Now, digest that for a minute and LET GO..... they are sincerely confused!!! IF they had a stroke and then couldn't remember how to tie their shoes, would you take it personally? Cus, YES, they know right from wrong..... BUT, it's THEIR MLC version of right and wrong they are adhering to.... as AmyC says... they won't be like that afterward. In the meantime, confusion reigns and you are comparing apples to oranges. Still suck, though!!!

[Mamma Bear]

  The end of the beginning   So Replay is like the 5 hour pre game show before the Super Bowl. Then kick off and the game is Liminality...LOL!
  Thank God for the commercials or we'd have nothing good to laugh about during this....Oh yeah the script!
  LG where's that thread funny things the mlcer says? "I am always more HERE with you than THERE with her. Even when I'm with her"   
  Sounds like someone locked up in Sing Sing.

[BonBon]

Some may disagree with me strongly but what I've observed, if I can put it in a tiny nutshell, is that the first half is sort of trying to be everything they are not...as they are so miserable with themselves, they just want to be different.  Though the bulk of their misery is blamed on and/or projected onto others (spouse usually).

The second half would be more figuring out who they really are, and, admitting their misery with themselves more.

That's what I've experienced in my H at least.

[Mamma Bear]

 Bon Sounds pretty accurate and it fits in a nutshell.  I believe it.    Trust the Process
 MLCers don't have the script.

[LettingGo]

Nicely said, Bon!!