[kikki]

Lets all pray our spouses make it to the second half then 

LG where's that thread funny things the mlcer says? "I am always more HERE with you than THERE with her. Even when I'm with her"       
  Sounds like someone locked up in Sing Sing.

That would have to be my weirdo MLCer!
I think we do need to resurrect that thread.  Surely there must be more to add by now.

Such as today.
Txt from H MLCer:  I've asked S17 to the movies with me tomorrow night.  Will ask S16 as well.
Me - will you ask S14 too?
MLCer - R16
Me - Which movie?
MLCer - Prometheus in 3d - should scare the living bej*sus outta them.  (note the teen lingo). S17 keen as mustard.

When S17 gets home I say that his Dad had said the above.  S17 shows me his texts to his Dad. 
S17 - Which movie?
MLC Dad - Prometheus 3D
S17 - Okay, which night?

S17 is yet to hear back.  Keen as mustard?  Wow - no wonder the OW gets such a fantastical rewrite if the above exchange is 'keen as mustard!' 

[Trustandlove]

I'm going to need to delve into AmyC's story again, but back to what Bon said about the first half being blaming the other party....  I've just seen my H drop his mask for a moment and let me see that his big fear, or issue, or whatever you want to call it is that he has to be responsible, especially materially.  And that, of course, is because of me.  Reasoning being that if I didn't exist the responsibility wouldn't exist.  I know that is typical MLC.  Now this has been going on for a long time; I need to yet again find nerves of steel.   

It's hard to navigate (yet again); we don't want to take away the responsibility from them, even if we think that it might show them that no, that doesn't make them happy, but neither do we want to "fight".   I do know that appeasement doesn't work, not ever.   One LBS I used to know put it as "not coddling the invalid too much". 

At the same time we need to "meet them in their crisis", not in the crisis that we think it is or in someone else's (as RCR once put it to me).  And we have to take responsibility ourselves, recognising where we DO have to take on more.  Crikey. 

I do wonder if men and women take this differently; the female MLCer I know has a bit of this, but her big thing is that she doesn't think she has "love" with her H, and wants that big excitement, and so on.  I've seen that in another female MLCer I know, who now about 7 years later regrets it all, but it's too late.  The other one I know of in RL also said the "it's my turn now" thing, something I know the male LBS on this board have heard frequently. 

I've been slipping in and out of moments of clarity about this; am trying to get it down.

[OldPilot]

In Conways STAGES, the first three are running away and the last threee are rebuilding. so that would agree with what Bon Bon wrote.

[Anjae]

I've just seen my H drop his mask for a moment and let me see that his big fear, or issue, or whatever you want to call it is that he has to be responsible, especially materially.  And that, of course, is because of me.  Reasoning being that if I didn't exist the responsibility wouldn't exist.  I know that is typical MLC.  Now this has been going on for a long time; I need to yet again find nerves of steel.   
I

Have to be financially responsible is one of the big fears of mine. I'm a burden blah blah blah. Funny thing is that mine pays OW2 ways, specially now that she has lost her job late last year.

Mine has other fears and some of them are real. He become Intellectually behind and he is no longer a match for me since all his interests are reduced to clubbing. (this is true and is also an issue for me, he is years behind and I have nothing to talk to him about). He also fears he is incapable of looking after someone and having no skills to deal with elderly people or children. (these I think are just his fears. He was good dealing with my siblings when they were small. Don't know about eldery people).

It is all just fear and we have to put up with their fear, frustration and resentment. Not atractive.

[NoRegrets]

Kikki--I went to my fridge?

My mustard just sits there. Very quiet, very bored.

Keen as mustard....well, that's not very keen, I'm thinking.

[kikki]

Kikki--I went to my fridge?

My mustard just sits there. Very quiet, very bored.

Keen as mustard....well, that's not very keen, I'm thinking.

  Glad you came to the same result.  I tested my mustard out too - didn't show any enthusiasm either 

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

You know what makes me mad?  I don't eat mustard, but a new bottle sits in my fridge because I went grocery shopping right before finding out my H was divorcing me.  So there's all these wastes of money and fridge/cabinet space, all these reminders around my kitchen that I've got a husband who isn't coming home anymore.  I'd throw 'em away but I'd prefer to throw 'em AT.

[Ready2Transform]

Ha!  Now that mustard isn't keen at ALL!  Seriously though, you might think of donating stuff like that to a shelter, food pantry, or even some place like an animal rescue that can keep it in the their break room fridge for volunteers' lunchtimes.  They deserve it more than your H does, and you won't have to look at it anymore!

There were so many things I left around to make him more comfortable when he was here, but when I started to move it to fit MY needs, the energy changed.  A boundary was laid down, and I could see it making him question (plus, my daily life was so much better).  Get rid of that stuff, you won't believe how much better you'll feel!  It truly is the little things.

[NoRegrets]

You know what makes me mad?  I don't eat mustard, but a new bottle sits in my fridge because I went grocery shopping right before finding out my H was divorcing me.  So there's all these wastes of money and fridge/cabinet space, all these reminders around my kitchen that I've got a husband who isn't coming home anymore.  I'd throw 'em away but I'd prefer to throw 'em AT.

DUMP THE MUSTARD! DUMP! THE! MUSTARD!

(Could be a new mantra, eh?)

You'll feel a lot better to have the space.

Mustard is about as cheap as an OW, anyway.

Doh, I went there.

[Doc Hudson]

Mustard is about as cheap as an OW, anyway.

And it smells better.