[keepingthepeace]

Im ak looking for advise on how to handle family parties.  We have a graduation party for my nephew on my husbands side.  Do I just go, ask him how he feels about me going or bow out gracfully and just not go?

[xyzcf]

It is hard to answer without a bit more information. is this a nephew that you are close to..do you wish to be there for your nephew or to be beside your husband. If your husband doesn't want you to be there, then it is I think better that you stay away.

But life is such that there will be family occasions when everyone will have to be there so sometimes you have to go and just be gracious.

[Trustandlove]

So far I have gone to all family parties on my H's side, at my SIL's express invitation.  She had always made it clear that I was family and that she wanted me there.   What my H wanted wasn't an issue for her until now.

My H has never said that he didn't want me to come; indeed, early on he very much DID want me to come.

What has changed now is that he is bringing an OW to an event soon, for the first time (after many years of this MLC...).  This time I did decline to go, as for me being gracious while my "replacement" is introduced is just a step too far.   And my kids have made it clear that however much they want to go to the event, they won't go if he brings an OW.  I wouldn't stop them if they had wanted to go, however. 

Were it something like a funeral, however, I'd go no matter what, as it wouldn't be about me or him or anyone else. 

[dbpb]

Being divorced for long time, I still hate being in the position whereI have to share my grown children's visits with OW and my ex. We have always divided up and had 2 separate of everything- like dinners, going to the beach, etc.
This week, my middle son, his wife and two kids are coming for a few days. There will be two separate "family"dinner parties,  celebrating birthdays. My ex called to give me his plans with them, etc. I was polite and agreeable, but just hate it---confirmation of a fractured family.
Ex seems to think we are good friends and that I am fine with all of this. He doesn't seem to get that I do not like sharing my children with his OW and he can't seem to empathize. It doesn't do any good to say anything anymore, because he just doesn't hear me, and more than likely, thinks I should be over it after this many years.
I can't say my feelings about this has changed over the years--I think I must have abandoment/rejection issues.

[dbpb]

So sorry to vent on your thread above! That was rude of me--I was way too self absorbed on the above.
Ex and I do not have any extended family in area. We do have two grown son within 100 miles.
If nay party/celebrations are in order, we each do our own thing withthe kids and it has been that way since our divorce.
As you can tell from my vent above, I'm not that thrilled with it.

[keepingthepeace]

Thats ok for vent....  unfortunately I know first hand of dealing with everything being split up coming from divorced parents, thirty years later still get the feeling of dread how to orchastrate everything where mom is happy and dad isnt left out ughhh

[dbpb]

Thanks for understanding. It is so wierd-with divorce you get rid of some problems just to add others.