[OldPilot]

They notice everything.
They have ESP radar that picks up what you are doing and can tell if changes are real or faked.
They may even test you to see if the changes are real.
This is all training for the LBS that  is necessary for both the LBS'er
and the MLC'er to complete their journey's.


It does sound as if your H is moving forward and
RCR has given you a good explanation of why "good" or
"bad" can still be positive.

[justasking]

That's very interesting.

The other day when H was home he wanted to tell me something that he thought I would be upset about. He closed the kitchen door to tell me as the children were in the house.

Old me would have been verbally angry. New me just accepted what he said and we moved on!

[trusting]

JA,  This is an interesting thread to me as it seems my H has at least begun this process of the journey.  I was discouraged as it seemed like some forward progess, things he had started to do again that he hadn't for awhile, had stopped and he seemed to be distancing again.  Yet I guess it is all part of the journey.  Something may be pulling him back or "stalling" him.  Or maybe it is all just forward progress.

I agree with OP that they do notice things.  I remember once a few months ago I responded to something that happened with just laughing it off rather than getting irritated and my literally did a double take.  That alone was worth the change in my response.

Hang in there!  You sound like you are doing well and handling it all well.

 

[justasking]

Trusting

The post by RCR will be helpful to your situation if you saw your H come out of the tunnel slightly and then go back.

It is so hard when you see positives and then they withdraw and we can see it as negative. I need to keep reminding myself he is where he needs to be at the moment and that is part of moving through the tunnel.

Does your H have OW. Mine is still with his OW at the moment.

[trusting]

JA, to answer your question about an OW, I really don't know.  I have no "proof" either way.  I can only go by gut feelings, and my feeling is that around the time of the bomb, leading up to and after, he was involved in an EA long distance.  I did my share of snooping and snooping and never came up with anything to suggest a PA.  I don't have access to the phone records.  At first I had my head in the sand because "my H" would NEVER do anything like that, but he had just been too strange about his phone, etc. and I had to pull my head out of the sand.  My gut tells me that it has been over for months.  I realize I could be wrong about everything, but I also realize that if there is an OW/was an OW I can't really do much about it at this point anyway so it is kind of a moot point.

I have prayed for answers and while other information has fallen into my lap, nothing in to answer this question yet.  I believe that God will allow things to be revealed in the right time.  Of course I asked my H several times initially and of course he denied.  Some days it drives me crazy not knowing, but I am trying to let it go.

[Still]

Some don't disconnect from their family. Sweeetheart remained close to his family.

No two MLC'er's paths are exactly alike.

My H not only started connecting more with his own extended family, but he has been becoming increasingly closer to my family. He talks with my father several times a week, they fix things together, borrow things from one another.

[Trustandlove]

OK, I'm not getting how to do the 'quote' thing.  I tried highlighting the bit I wanted to quote, then clicking on the 'quote' button, tried clicking the 'quote' button first, all I got was the entire post quoted.  What am I doing wrong?

Anyway, what I wanted to quote was :But sometimes forward movement in the tunnel involves what feels like a stall.

A large part of me is praying that this is my H moving forward; each day I feel a little bit more able to let go.  He did have some sort of 'awakening' 6 months ago; if it is depression that is going on now he is still doing his best to mask it.  I have seen it peek through, but he always puts it away. 

I'm trying to listen to my gut, but my gut is silent.  The only thing that I can figure is that he is compartmentalizing us -- on Sunday he attended, did his bit, then ran off, obligation completed, in his eyes. 

Now that brings up something that he has said about himself -- that, if he's involved in an organization in some capacity (he held a voluntary office for a number of years), that he only cares about his bit, doesn't feel like he needs to be involved in the overall running of it.  So he attends the meeting, gives his info, then goes.  Now that was directed as a criticism of me, because I am the type to think that I need to be completely involved, (which is time consuming, etc.) but still.  Is he now treating his family as one of these obligations? 

I did think he was reconnecting, now don't know at all.  If my gut says anything it is that we won't hear from him for a while now. 

[OldPilot]

OK, I'm not getting how to do the 'quote' thing. 

For this particular one I hit the quote button and deleted the text I didn't want.  When you hit the quote button you will see  a quote in brackets to start and a quote in bracketswith a / to end.  I also changed the size by highlighting the text and hitting font 10 pt.

On the reconnection, just keep watching, even after the reconnect you still have a very long way to go.

Hope this helps.

[Trustandlove]

Thanks, OP, I'll try the quote thing that way next time.

On the reconnect -- you're absolutely right, this is nothing if not a long, long ride. 

[MarkedandHealed]

I think the hugging and touching of the kids is wonderful. That will be so great for them.