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Author Topic: Mirror-Work Thought Stopping

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Mirror-Work Thought Stopping
OP: August 05, 2010, 03:35:45 PM
In the beginning of this crisis, my thoughts were out of control. 24/7, Round and round they went, activating horrible imaginings and emotions. I looked everywhere to stop them. My old stand-bys, driving and walking didn't help. Cleaning the house, vacuuming, windows, all left my mind free to wander. I didn't want to think! I couldn't think clearly!

I knew I needed to get out of bed and MOVE, so I enlisted some friends for hiking buddies. No time to think about myself with friends to talk about other stuff.

Games with the kids helped too. Rockband and some board games work for us.

Some folks suggested I imagine a big STOP SIGN. This never worked for me in the early days.
Distraction was about the only thing that did.

Setting aside time in the day to dwell & journal (by hand, it slowed them down) my thoughts helped too. Once on paper, the thoughts don't seem to have the same power my mind gives them.

Negative thoughts can really have a destructive effect on your whole body. I lost 20 lbs in 2 weeks. I started out at 145 at 5'8" and started to look sick. It is important to attend to your own daily care as you were your own mom. If i hadn't turned myself around, i would have gotten a script for AD's. Over the counter 5-HTP  was enough to take the edge off.

At this point, I was now able to look at each thought as it occurred. I could challenge each thought. Don't believe everything you hear...even in your own head!

We all use defense mechanisms in our daily lives. It is normal, they enable us to function in this world. Using these to an extreme, they become a pattern of distorted thinking, much like our MLCers do.

Here are some I had to control:

Always/Never: You learned in high school, if a test question said always or never, it was a wrong choice. Nothing is all encompassing.  "I will always feel like this." "It will never end." "No one loves me." "Everyone else is happy but me." "No one can imagine my pain."  "My life is over. I will never be happy again."  and on and on and on.

Focusing on the negative: There are 2 sides to everything, look for the positive not the bad side. "H isn't here for Dinner, he is out with that ho bag, so dinner is ruined." needs to get turned into, "I am having dinner with my wonderful kids and get to hear about their lives."

Fortune-telling: seeing the worst possible outcome. "Me and the kids will be homeless." "we will starve." "I will die from this pain."

Emotions=thinking: Believing your feelings without question. "I feel guilty, so I must be so."

Self-beating:(I would have said flagellation but not sure if I'm spelling it correctly!lol) would of, could of, should, have to. "I should have been a better housekeeper." "H should see how bad this is for everyone." "I have to convince him."

This is a list I copied from trauma awareness:

The following are common thinking patterns that many people exhibit. They are called distorted thinking, due to their irrational nature. Most of the time we use them unknowingly, therefore, by becoming more aware of our own distorted beliefs, we can rationally challenge the beliefs and change. Upon changing, our mood can positively change as well.

1. Filtering: You take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a
situation.

2. Polarized Thinking: Things are black or white, good or bad. You have to be perfect or you are a failure.
There is no middle ground.

3. Overgeneralization: You come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. If something bad happens once you expect it to happen over and over again.

4. Mind Reading: Without their saying so, you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do.
In particular, you are able to divine how people are feeling toward you.

5. Catastrophizing: You expect disaster. You notice or hear about a problem and start the what game: What if
tragedy strikes? What if it happens to you?

6. Personalization: Thinking that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you. You also
compare yourself to others, trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.

7. Control Fallacies: If you feel externally controlled, you see yourself as helpless, a victim of fate.
The fallacy of internal control has you responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you.

8. Fallacy of Fairness: You feel resentful because you think you know what is fair but other people will not agree with you.

9. Blaming: You hold other people responsible for your pain. Or take the other tack and blame yourself for
every problem or reversal.

10. Shoulds: You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. People who break the
rules anger you and you feel guilty if you violate the rules.

11. Emotional Reasoning: You believe that what you feel must be true-automatically. If you feel stupid and
boring, then you must be stupid and boring.

12. Fallacy of Change: You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure them enough.
You need to change people because your hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

13. Global Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment.

14. Being Right: You are continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any length to demonstrate your rightness.

15. Heavenly Reward Fallacy: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay-off, as if there were someone keeping score. You feel bitter when the reward does not come.

16. Passive Thinking: You believe that your wants, needs and rights are not important enough to assert with others.



 I still run into problems on occasion stopping the negative thinking. The tool box can never be too full, so i would appreciate knowing what has helped you.
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"Midway upon the journey of life, I found myself within a forest dark For the straightforward path had been lost"

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Re: Thought Stopping
#1: August 05, 2010, 03:38:49 PM
OMGosh. I forgot to add the MOST helpful one! Reading and posting here! Reading others stories, so similar to my own, enables me to step back and take a fresh perspective. If I don't, I get a 2x4 to help!!!
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Re: Thought Stopping
#2: August 05, 2010, 03:57:37 PM
Very nice LGO!!!  Thankyou so much for posting this! 
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Re: Thought Stopping
#3: August 05, 2010, 08:13:55 PM
Sweet, LGO!  Thanks for that post.  Helps put my thoughts in perspective.

:o
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Re: Thought Stopping
#4: August 06, 2010, 12:09:12 AM
LGO

Boy I remember all that........ I did think I wouldn't survive and I have!

Thanks for the info in letting us know this is a natural reaction to the trauma we sustained and that healing does come and our strength does come back.
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Re: Thought Stopping
#5: August 06, 2010, 05:02:40 AM
I can so relate to your thoughts, they take over your whole being, I've named my Madge!   With the help of my Councellor, I am learning to control them and they are slowly dying.  Someone
past me these today, for when you taken on other people's stuff: 

1.  Can I control this?
2.  Is this my emotion?
3.  Can I influence this?

It does help.
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Re: Thought Stopping
#6: August 06, 2010, 05:10:55 AM
on the frig

FIVE SIMPLE RULES TO BE HAPPY

1. Free your heart of hatered
2. Free your mind of worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less
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Re: Thought Stopping
#7: August 06, 2010, 07:32:43 AM


The end of something is always the beginning of something else.
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Re: Thought Stopping
#8: August 06, 2010, 08:53:32 AM
I learned to visualize a simple STOP SIGN or a blank wall when negative thoughts came about..especially at night when I was trying to sleep....otherwise, I kept my thoughts on the Lord and all that He was doing within my situation to bring positive things about.

It wasn't easy, but I overcame these types of thoughts. :)

I hope this helps, too. :)
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Our marriage survived His MLC, with the help of the Lord.
I have learned that true strength is built through the trials we endure.
There is hope as long as you love your MLC spouse, and, are willing to learn the  life's lessons that are set before you as a result of this crisis.

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Re: Thought Stopping
#9: August 06, 2010, 09:58:05 AM
Great thread, LGO!
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