[JAG]

Just wondering lately....any of you almost feel as though all good memories were fake? As if maybe there really wasn't anything to your relationship? I know it sounds crazy but lately I think about our past and every good moment and time spent together and I wonder if it was really good or just my interpretation maybe it wasn't good...maybe our "fun" was no "fun" at all....

just wondering what this is all about...maybe my heart and mind playing tricks?

[Finding Hope]

I dont wonder if my memories of our past together were as good as I thought they were but I do wonder if it was me that loved him more then he loved me

FH

[Ready2Transform]

JAG, your memories are real, but your mind is help you build up defenses to detach.  The best thing is to practice (and it IS a practice) not dwelling on the memories for now.  Even if you were together and things were perfect, these memories wouldn't be popping into your mind as much as they are right now, so it's ok to keep them in storage.   Your H had some underlying things that lead to his MLC, but your love and your R were real.  Knowing this is kind of painful at what you don't have right now, but also joyful that you never wasted one moment. 

[superdog]

Just like our mlcers being in love hides many things and we would defend them in our own minds too. Its only when we are forced to step back and take our own in love glasses off that we evaluate the flaws.

This imo does not make the good times unreal it just makes the not so good things become very real. We do the same thing as our mlcrs do in order to detach. They destroy what we had with them and it leads us to wonder if we were deluded and they make it sound so bad we can't help but wonder.

I think it takes a lot to marry someone its not done unless we both know we love each other. So yes its very real.

Sd
X

[JD]

I now wonder if it was love or need on both or either of our parts.
I do know this.  I gave away too much of myself for too little.

[JAG]

What everyone writes makes total sense. I guess being that I was only with my husband for 8 years and 5 of those married, we never really had bad or low moments.  I know it sounds as though I am in denial, but really, we were always on the same page....never had any major issues or problems.  We were excited to start our lives together, our family together, and then expand it together....and then BD...all changed...and the rest is history....or rather...MLC :/ :/ :/

i don't dwell on the past...I just sometimes think that my mind is trying to protect me by telling me it wasn't that great after all...it is the only way I can survive..

[Ready2Transform]

Doesn't sound like denial to me - sounds familiar.   Don't be afraid to let your mind do what it's gotta do.  If those feelings of love are meant to come back full force, at the right time, they will.  But if it helps more to defer them for now, I don't think that's a bad thing. 

[In this for ME]

What I honestly wonder is if I know what love even really is...not from them to me but from me to them also!!

Maybe I don't really have the capacity to give it or get it..what I thought was love I was giving as much of as I could up to a point ...but then getting scared at expressing a range of emotions...so I'm doing that now.

And with no practice it ain't pretty.... But I am trying at least.......

[readytofixmyselffirst]

You have received good advice. I don't think you should dwell on the memories right now as they will serve no good either way. You have to just push that from your mind and let it go.

Make good memories of the times you are spending with your babies right now. The swimming lessons and the feedings and the little things that make your life complete.

((((hugs))) and more (((hugs)))

[LoveMeMyself]

Jag,

    I was only with my husband 6 years total. It was both our second marriage.  I KNOW we were both very much in love.  The 5 years of marriage was truly wonderful.  We shared so much in such a short time.  Everything was just coming together......so to speak.......and then BHAM! BD! MLC!  We had shared our dreams/goals for our future.  We had started planning our dream home.....we both had retirements and working second jobs.  Our future together was a beautiful picture.  Funny how it was gone with the blink of an eye.  But........you know what...........I still have a future.  I don't exactly know where it's going but do any of us really know?  I mean, circumstances happen all the time.....changes our situations.........constantly.  So, it's just better to take life one day at a time......continue hoping and dreaming for your future goals.  Nothing is impossible........All things are POSSIBLE through God!

I look at the memories as happy, fun, loving, enjoyable times.  They were real.  Just think........in a few years from now (5, 6 or 10)...........this too will be a memory. 

(((HUGS)))