[Thundarr]

Interesting statistics about how D affects men and women differently.  Statistically, divorced men are many times higher risk of suicide than married men, and single men fall in-between.  Ironically, the author states that women do not seem to be nearly as affected by D (something that I would bet many on here would dispute).  Not good news for us LBS guys at all.

http://www.aolnews.com/2010/03/10/suicide-rate-greater-among-divorced-men-research-finds/

[In this for ME]

Yeah....I dispute it leaves women less affected what a crock of CRAP!!!!!!!

[LoveMeMyself]

I think it would be interesting to know what number of suicides by divorced men were due to the wives leaving and filing for divorce verses the number of suicides by men who divorced their wives.  Does that make sense?  I know of a man who committed suicide prior to his divorce because his wife had filed.  He didn't leave a note or reason for doing it but I'd guess it was due to the fact that his wife was leaving him. 

I disagree with the fact that women are not as affected by a divorce, but in most cases the woman is the one left to care for the children.  Speaking for myself, I feel like women are stronger emotionally and mentally.  Just my opinion so don't beat me up!

[StandandDeliver]

I havent read the whole thread, so I apologise, if I am writing something that is not relevant. Just my musings on this subject.

Women are devasted by being abandoned, I think, as profoundly as men. However, when we are abandoned, most women have significant networks of friends who will rally around and give us love, support and most of all, listen. I for one count myself very lucky as someone who had the most incredible friends. They did not take the pain away, but they did hold me steady. One friend INSISTED I see a psychologist and dr, so that I could get some therapy and medication. One friend brought plates of food over. One friend listened endlessly and was available any time of day or night to support me and listen to me cry. She was like an angel. Iwill never be able to repay her, and I hope nothing happens in her life that means I ever have to.

I honestly think that many men just do not have this sort of nurturing support from each other. Their friends slap them on the back and say hard luck and buy them beers. But the pressure for men to not cry, to "get a grip" is greater. The day I ran out of a yoga room in sobs and locked myself into a bathroom cubicle crying uncontrollably (much to my own shame and embarrassment), my friend came into the toilet, stayed til she persuaded me to open it up, and then held me in her arms while I cried my eyes out for half an hour. Some men may have friendships where that could happen, but I am guessing that many don't. So whilst we may FEEL the same intense feelings (I did feel suicidal at least once after bombdrop), our  female friends rally around, recognise the pit we are in, and cling onto us and remind us of all the things we still have to live for. We are lucky to be female in many ways, even if often we inhabit what is still a man's world. I think the fact that women benefit from their relationships and networks with other women, from their drive to nurture their children (which is generally a biologically/hormonally driven instinct that men do not naturally have in the same levels) which mean that even when we are devasted by the actions of a spouse, we have a lot of other directions that our love is focused in, and we have other people who we can rely on to provide emotional support. Many men rely SOLELY on their partners for that and when the partner walks away they are left with what may feel like NO emotional anchors. Anyway, my 2 cents...

[Anjae]

I think it would be interesting to know what number of suicides by divorced men were due to the wives leaving and filing for divorce verses the number of suicides by men who divorced their wives.  Does that make sense?  ion so don't beat me up!

Yes, it makes sense. Also it would be interesting to know how many of those men were MLCers. And for the ones who were was the suicide when theyb tried to return?

Those rates are for the US so thay don't apply here. Don't think things here are that diiferent but I think here single men have the hightest rate.

Also, females attempt suicide far more than men but males succeed more.

I will not dispute it. I think women are far less emotionally afected from divorce .

S&D, I must be odd because I prefer the way men deal with things. I have problems with the crying and the whole normal female responce. My husband is the emotional one, both before and after MLC. Or maybe I'm this way because I'm the older child, many years older than all my siblings, including my 4 brothers, so I kind of have the role of the older brother.

Of course that having nearly no female friends and not being used to deal with emotions the way most women do left me with no emotional anchors. I have sisters but don't relate to them the way they do with each other. I relate better with the boys.

[Robin Hood]

I was thinking the same thing.

How many of those are in MLC and I do also agree that men have not been told how to communicate their emotions and that women especially with children usually will work through because of the kids.

I mean, I have had the thought, that if a truck came by and it would just be over, the pain would be gone, but then I thought about my boys and it was just not an option.

I am trying to teach my boys to communicate their emotions and feelings, I tell my little one, we are not mind readers and can't do anything about something if we do not know what it is.

We will see how much it actually will stick 

RH

[LoveMeMyself]

Ive read that a lot of unexplained suicides are within the age range for MLC. That really makes sense when you know the details about MLC. My exH is one who attempted and failed...one year ago yesterday.

[Thundarr]

I've had to deal with several suicides in my life for some reason (no family though) and they all revolved around relationship issues.  Often it was exes who were still messing with the peolle's heads.  W has had to deal with several as well, including her best friend when she was in high school.  She also had a friend in the Navy who killed himself inboard a ship when his W Dear Johned him.  All so very tragic.

I think one of the main reasons that the suicide rate would be much higher for male LBSers is the lack of options.  I don't exactly have a line of beautiful women lined up wanting to go out with me.  And what would I have to offer?  A single father struggling to take care of his family and barely getting by financially (presuming I actually WAS) who can't even afford a gym membership?  Not exactly what women put under their preferences on Match.com.  I also don't want to raise someone else 's kids so that leaves out women looking for fathers for their kids.  I'm also not fond of having to deal with the baggage of XH's always around because of the kids.  I speak for myself but I've heard others say the same.  We've been to the mountaintop, and although we may reach the top of some hills we'll never see those heights again.  I would say that has much to do with it.

[calamity]

Suicide:  the permanent solution to a temporary problem.

The only people I have known who killed themselves were mentally ill.  Period.  Maybe there were other things that happened but the illness was the problem.

The statistics you cited were interesting but the statistics would be more meaningful in the context of mlc IF they were analysed in terms of circumstances of the victim i.e. if they were lbs or if they were the abandoning spouse--huge difference.
 
From article: 
...But divorce also tends to crop up more in regions that are susceptible to alcoholism, drug abuse and widespread migratory tendencies -- oil and gas boom towns, for example. So suicide rates might be less about divorce, and more about a confluence of precipitating factors -- factors that are clearly taking a greater toll on men, who account for 79 percent of the 32,000 suicides in 2005.
AND re: women.
Denney's subsequent research, published in February's Journal of Marriage and Family, concluded that children offered a major protective effect against suicide. For each additional child in a household, adults were 6 percent less likely to commit suicide.
 
Denney's latest research, which has yet to be published, indicates that this protective effect is even more significant among women, whether married, divorced or widowed.

Above means also if the father is left with the children, he is less likely to kill himself.
 
 

[Thundarr]

I think that it is a true statement to say that most who commit suicide are mentally ill, but remember that depression is a mental illness as well.  I think a person would have to be at least depressed to end their own life and override the survival instinct.

To clarify my earlier post, I think it is much easier for a female LBS to find a mate than it is for a male.  I'm not saying it's easy for anyone, but I think the chances of a female getting a date is higher than for a male.  That may be incorrect, admittedly.