[stayed]

itina
Maybe, they feel they can fall apart now, that u are doing better.  Sounds like they have a good, sound, switched on mom.   I always found that once I was aware of things, it was much easier to prevent it from escalating. 

Hopefully others will be along who have dealt more with the ages of your sons.  My children were older when this happened... youngest was 19 and just starting university, the others were all in their 20's.  This definitely EFFECTS everybody in the family.  The children feel just as betrayed and abandoned as us. 

They are lucky to have you... hugs Stayed

[itina]

Thanks stayed

H doesn't think it affects them because they are teenagers. but I agree it affects all family

Thank you

Itina

[stayed]

Truth is itina, he's not thinking.  He DOESN'T want to believe it will or is effecting them.  He would have trouble justifying what he is doing, if he admitted that it might effect the boys.  Besides, if there is OW, undoubtedly she has told him that the boys will get used to it... EVENTUALLY... everybody will be happy, blah blah blah... and who knows more about ANYTHING then other woman. 

In my case OW should have known, she is now in her 4th. marriage... hehehe.  I assume her girls don't even notice anymore.  This most recent h is a year older then our youngest son... 26... and her youngest daughter is only a couple years older then my son.  I forgot to mention she is only one year younger then me which makes her 59, or at least as far as we know... h says he looked at her records and she is older then told him... so who knows?

Can we say bat$hit crazy?  It will all work out.  If you are strong your sons will mirror you, in time.

hugs Stayed

[Finding Hope]

itina,

My girls are older but my younger was 16 when this started. It affects them. My son is 35 and is married and it effects him because I'm his mom.

My girls just confronted their dad at Christmas. Everything that they felt came out. So, never think for a moment that what is happening with your h doesn't get to them. Just be strong for them and let them know that no matter what, your there.

And however they feel about their dad, its between them and him. Only thing you can do is be there for them. One day, they will confront them. When that happens just let it be.

Be there for them, thats all you can do right now.

FH

[itina]

Thanks stayed and finding hope

I do think other woman is H's guide.

Hugs

Itina

[Slow Fade]

Someone tagged him in a picture on f/b with another woman at a party he went to New Year's Eve. I believe she is just a friend as I have intercepted texts between the two of them and it's not flirtatious at all



I was wondering and need advice. I think I know the answer but just want some input......

H is going somewhere for Super Bowl, (don't know where) and I was going to casually mention "just be sure your friends don't post facebook pictures of you with other women, its kind of embarrasing."

Should I? Shouldn't I? Will it make any difference or just set things back?

[Ready2Transform]

I don't think you should do that.  Someone else posting something is not under his control, only his own behaviors are.  You can't control these - he's going to do what he's going to do, photographic evidence or not.  It's my belief that longer we set ourselves up as the parent, keeping an eye on them to do the wrong thing, the more they'll keep us in that role, too.  Others will no doubt have more to say from experience, but I think he would view it as "She's watching me - I'll show HER!" or as pressure.  A lot of us get accused of being "stalkers" of our spouses early on, and even though we're just trying to make sense of our lives by looking, it can get used against us.  Err on the side of caution in what you reveal that you know is my advice.

[Slow Fade]

Sigh, I know I shouldn't. Sometimes I just want to try to make him see what he is doing. I know it doesn't make any difference to the MLCr but I just want to scream "dont you know what you are doing is wrong???"

The picture was posted to his fb page, but he hid it on his timeline. His mom is one of his friends so I know he was hiding it from her as well as other family members. (and me too, but that point is moot as I have his login and password unbeknownst to him)

I guess the fact that he is living such a lie and no one knows but me just makes me crazy sometimes. He's such a hypocrite. And he should be smarter than this. I would say that he doesn't care, but he tries to take pains to make sure no one knows or finds out.......but he's not very good at it.....people have seen him, people know. All but his family who have their head in the sand......

I guess I should be grateful that he's not flaunting anything, and I sure don't want to push him into bringing it all public. I think that would probably set back any chance of R in the future......at least as far as he would think.   He has been very attentive and accomodating lately. I don't know whether to be suspicious, or encouraged. This sucks. 

[xyzcf]

I am going to answer on your thread slowfade

[Bailmor]

I have a question that I hope someone, maybe a mentor, can answer.  My W has recently done something that as long as I have known her she hasn't  ever done.  For our entire M she has been a tea drinker.  She couldn't stand the smell of coffee.  Couldn't be around it, look at it, make it, etc.  Well recently she started drinking mocha lattes and now is hooked on coffee!  Something I NEVER thought I would see.  The same for oatmeal.  W couldn't stand smell of it, consistency of it.  Now she is eating that as well.  Talk about when he** freezes over! 

My question that I am asking is this some sign of a change in her, good or bad or indifferent?  I believe W likes the increase buzz from the coffee to continue the high.  I don't think she likes it when there is no caffine.  She is alwaays drinking diet soda, tea, now coffee.  There seems to be a change in W, not only in food choices, but her overalll attitude.

Not sure what this means in the MLC process.  Any thoughts on this?