[Tsunami]

Beautiful thought provoking post xyzcf.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

[ehill]

I have a question. I live on the East Coast and just went through Hurricane Sandy. My H came to our house to stay with me and D18 D16 from Sunday night until our power came back on Wednesday. He came and slept with me in our bed and was very affectionate and cuddled. When he was leaving (after the power came back) I said thank you for staying with us and I really enjoyed cuddling. his response was "It didn't suck" I don't know if this is the begginning of some reconnection or I'm just reading into it.  How do I proceed from here? He has been in constant contact since the day he moved out. Has not monstered for about 6 months. It has been almost 2 years since BD

Answering on your thread - OldPilot

[LearningIamOk]

Not sure where else to post for some legal advice for Nettieboop. Her H has cashed in his 401K and needs advice how to proceed from here. Anyone have anyone in mind that could help her?  I am at a loss, since Condo Carl is content for us to live in Limbo and no legal action has been taken.

[LittleDragonfly]

I was wondering if someone more familiar with the forum/site could point me to some bit of discussion I'm pretty sure I read here, but now I can't seem to find it. I think it was something about wondering whether a spouse's affair was an MLC affair or a non-MLC affair....but that it doesn't really matter, because the steps to healing was the same.

Basically, looking for some clarity on what the differences may be ... and why it doesn't matter. Or something like that.

[FindingJules]

Another question...or need for assure or guidance.  So things have been OK with H.  Went to high school visit day (big Catholic school community here) on Sunday with H and both sons.  Great day - seemed almost like we were together again.  No monstering, nothing  uncomfortable, easy conversation.  Went our separate ways.  Ran into him at Target that evening.  Ended up running into him later in the store and he was talking to OW friend!  Awkward!  But, after making him introduce me to her and then later telling him how hard it was and I hope she's worth it (kinda wish I wouldn't have said one or the other of those...), I kept going back to how things had been.  Forwarded an email from school, easy chat time with him about that.  Didn't interact for a day or two.

So, I had to finally reply back to his initial settlement agreement (which SUCKED by the way).  I finally adapted the attitude of - well, if this is what he thinks he wants, then he needs to see what it is going to take to get divorced.  I did NOT make the return offer over the top at all.  VERY fair.  Thought about A LOT of things (a lot he hadn't even CONSIDERED because I know he is in a fog and just wants this to be OVER so he can have his affair without guilt).  So he's going to get it today.  My attorney was finalizing with me to send it and had gotten a question back from H's attorney that H would like to remove furniture from the "marital home" while I am out of town with the kids at Thanksgiving.  WHAT?!?!  So, expectations were "re-grounded" that my hopes that he was maybe wanting to slow things down were an illusion (or only hopes on my part!).  Yes, I KNOW IT IS EARLY!!!!  But him taking furniture just seems like part of the agreement is going to be implemented....and it seems like then that means we will sign the agreement and be divorced.  THAT HURTS SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

So I need some help and assurance.  I am going to a new counselor on Saturday morning.  I need help in detaching and GALing because if this is going to take another year or two, I have GOT to figure out how to move on with my life and still have him in it because of the kids.  I HAVE to figure out how to keep my expectations in check when we have GREAT interactions about the kids and we are SO cooperative about them....but he still doesn't want me.  That's where my hurt is....and then I get into feeling rejected and cast aside. 

[xyzcf]

Finding Jules, I have copied this onto your thread and answered you there.

[Rollercoasterider]

I was wondering if someone more familiar with the forum/site could point me to some bit of discussion I'm pretty sure I read here, but now I can't seem to find it. I think it was something about wondering whether a spouse's affair was an MLC affair or a non-MLC affair....but that it doesn't really matter, because the steps to healing was the same.
Basically, looking for some clarity on what the differences may be ... and why it doesn't matter. Or something like that.

I know we've had a few topics or posts on that, but I am not sure how to find them if you haven't--I'm no quite sure it had its own topic thread, but maybe.
But did anyone else point you to this? I think this is a great topic and I should write on it for a blog post.

[OldPilot]

I was wondering if someone more familiar with the forum/site could point me to some bit of discussion I'm pretty sure I read here, but now I can't seem to find it. I think it was something about wondering whether a spouse's affair was an MLC affair or a non-MLC affair....but that it doesn't really matter, because the steps to healing was the same.
Basically, looking for some clarity on what the differences may be ... and why it doesn't matter. Or something like that.

I know we've had a few topics or posts on that, but I am not sure how to find them if you haven't--I'm no quite sure it had its own topic thread, but maybe.
But did anyone else point you to this? I think this is a great topic and I should write on it for a blog post.

Here is one that I found quickly it is archived and I could move it out to the main board if you want.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1658.0

[LittleDragonfly]

But did anyone else point you to this? I think this is a great topic and I should write on it for a blog post.

I'm pretty sure I stumbled on it while reading the various threads/articles here, but I didn't bookmark it and wasn't sure if I was remembering correctly or just couldn't find it. I'd love to read a blog post on it, though! My personal interest would be what if my H's affair isn't due to MLC... will I be shooting myself in the foot by trusting the MLC process (when it isn't actually there).

OldPilot, thanks! Lots to read Just one quick question: what's "WAS" or "AWS"?

[LoveMeMyself]

LittleDragonfly,

"WAS" stands for "Walk Away Spouse".  Not sure about AWS.