[xyzcf]

Hi Calamity,

I am going to move this to your thread and try and give my 2 cents worth.

[cherryblossom]

Hi Mentors

Following on from what ehill and Niek were talking about re counseling I was wondering if it is advisable for me to send my H some links to websites that might help.  I was thinking particularly of  "Engaging the Disquiet".  I've read it and it seems like it would be pretty helpful and also good since it's by a guy.

My concern is that my H will see it as interfering and it will do more damage than good.  Alarm bells are ringing as I'm writing this, so maybe that's my answer, but I value your opinions.

What do you think - is it advisable for me to offer him help in any form?

Thanks

CB x

[stayed]

I wouldn't send him anything.  I did that with my h and all it did was pi$$ him off more.   

You said you are hearing warning bells.  Listen to your instincts.  They are far better tuned into the situation then you realize.  When your h wants to know stuff, he will find it himself.  Chances are, he won't bother.  Most don't.  They just want it to go away.  Pity.

hugs Stayed

[OldPilot]

Following on from what ehill and Niek were talking about re counseling I was wondering if it is advisable for me to send my H some links to websites that might help.  I was thinking particularly of  "Engaging the Disquiet".  I've read it and it seems like it would be pretty helpful and also good since it's by a guy.

My concern is that my H will see it as interfering and it will do more damage than good.  Alarm bells are ringing as I'm writing this, so maybe that's my answer, but I value your opinions.

What do you think - is it advisable for me to offer him help in any form?

NO - it is FIXING and CONTROLLING.

He needs to do this himself.

When you tell a child to do something, how often do they do the exact opposite?

[stayed]

Following on from what ehill and Niek were talking about re counseling I was wondering if it is advisable for me to send my H some links to websites that might help.  I was thinking particularly of  "Engaging the Disquiet".  I've read it and it seems like it would be pretty helpful and also good since it's by a guy.

My concern is that my H will see it as interfering and it will do more damage than good.  Alarm bells are ringing as I'm writing this, so maybe that's my answer, but I value your opinions.

What do you think - is it advisable for me to offer him help in any form?

NO - it is FIXING and CONTROLLING.

He needs to do this himself.

When you tell a child to do something, how often do they do the exact opposite?

That says it pretty loud and clear!  That would be NEGATIVE to your question, Cherry Blossom. hehehe. 

hugs stayed

[cherryblossom]

You said you are hearing warning bells.  Listen to your instincts.  They are far better tuned into the situation then you realize.  When your h wants to know stuff, he will find it himself.  Chances are, he won't bother.  Most don't.  They just want it to go away.  Pity.

Thanks Stayed - it is a pity isn't it?  I guess I've just been reading about how if they don't face their demons and return then the MLC will come back.  I will trust my instincts though - thanks

NO - it is FIXING and CONTROLLING.

He needs to do this himself.

When you tell a child to do something, how often do they do the exact opposite?

And thanks OP - I love how you shouted just to emphasise   - got it loud and clear as Stayed has noted lol

Sometimes I just need a reminder that I'm on the right path - leaving my H to his own solutions and not contacting him.

Thank you both for replying so quickly.  I really don't think I would be able to cope so well if it weren't for yours and everyone else's help and support on this site.  I am so glad I found this sanctuary 

I'm gonna give myself a little pat on the back for seeking out your opinion and another one for taking your advice 

x

[Rollercoasterider]

I'm gonna give myself a little pat on the back for seeking out your opinion and another one for taking your advice 
  x

Give yourself  a pat on the back for recognizing the warning bells going off in your head as well! Often Standing is counterintuitive.

[cherryblossom]

Give yourself  a pat on the back for recognizing the warning bells going off in your head as well! Often Standing is counterintuitive.

Thanks RCR x

[Niek]

Just after BD I e-mailed my H some information about MLC. One of the things H said at BD was that he wanted a new life. He read the information, looked up and said: I don't recognize myself in it. I don't want a new life, why should I want a new life?!!!
So it is useless. They have to get out of this mess by their own. It has nothing to do with you and therefore you cannot help them.

[cherryblossom]

Thanks for your input Niek - yep, I've grown accustomed to the contradictions....