[Slow Fade]

Just after BD I e-mailed my H some information about MLC. One of the things H said at BD was that he wanted a new life. He read the information, looked up and said: I don't recognize myself in it. I don't want a new life, why should I want a new life?!!!
So it is useless. They have to get out of this mess by their own. It has nothing to do with you and therefore you cannot help them.

I did this too. He read it and said " I can see how you think I might have this personality, but I'm not having a mid life crisis." I just looked at him and said "well, then you are just an a@@*&(e who is committing adultery!"

Not my best moment but it was early in the process! 

[stayed]

I did this too. He read it and said " I can see how you think I might have this personality, but I'm not having a mid life crisis." I just looked at him and said "well, then you are just an a@@*&(e who is committing adultery!"

Not my best moment but it was early in the process! 

Oh, I don't know about that... sounded like a pretty good retort to me!  ka ka ka!!! Pretty quick of you, actually and considering the state you were in... I'm IMPRESSED!!!

Hugs

Edit for an extra quote - Oldpilot

[Rollercoasterider]

I did this too. He read it and said " I can see how you think I might have this personality, but I'm not having a mid life crisis." I just looked at him and said "well, then you are just an a@@*&(e who is committing adultery!"

Not my best moment but it was early in the process! 

Oh, I don't know about that... sounded like a pretty good retort to me!  ka ka ka!!! Pretty quick of you, actually and considering the state you were in... I'm IMPRESSED!!!

Hugs

I'm with Stayed. Having a good come back can be a good thing. Sometimes we need to just shut-up, but not always.

[brokenhearted]

Wow, my partner said that exact same thing, when I was giving him literature to read, almost word for word,  "Ican see how you think this sounds like me, but I am not having a mid life crisis."  Unreal how he said the same thing to me. Said the same about info on depression I had given him, "I can see how you think this looks/sounds like me, but I am not depressed."

[star1009]

When things first started for me (before I knew what this all was REALLY about..the depression, the MLC, THE LONG ROAD TO FREEDOM, etc), I asked my H to read a lot about saving marriages, etc. He would say that it makes sense but he doesn't feel like it really applies to him.

After the announcement that he was in PA with OW I stopped giving him anything to read. It was only after that, that i started finding resources and information on depression, MLC etc.

I know we are not meant to pursue and initiate talk, etc. Sometimes I want to just shake him and say 'wake up, look at this, see what is happening! SLOW DOWN stop running and we can figure this out. We can figure YOU out'.. Is it ever wise to actually sit down with your MLCer and say "this is what I am seeing and I am concerned". I suppose it could come across as blaming....hmmmm

One time, a few months ago, I asked my MLCer if he would try and intervene if he saw me doing something that was harming myself and my children.If he would try and get me to see and support me. He said yes. I left it at that. But it made me curious about talking to him.

Any thoughts?

[limitless]

Star,

He won't listen....and he especially won't listen if the advice is from the LBS.

This is HIS issue to deal with.  Leave him to it. 

Think about teenagers.  They don't want anyone - especially their parents - telling them anything.  The same goes for MLCers.  And, in many situations, they see their LBS as a parent - attempting to control them.

L

[stayed]

SORRY, Star... there is no reasoning with an MLCer... until they are ready to listen.  The chances are, you won't be sure when that is, but I can assure you, NOW IS DEFINITELY not that time.   

You didn't break him my dear... so you can't FIX HIM!!!

Sorry... hugs Stayed

[star1009]

Limitless and stayed,

Thank you for your responses. I figured as much...I am looked upon as the old and boring authority figure trying to tell him what to do,  and getting in the way of him 'knowing what he is doing and what is best'.

Sigh

Sometimes its like watching someone jumping off a cliff in slow motion.

Hugs to all. 

[stayed]

Sometimes its like watching someone jumping off a cliff in slow motion.

SADLY, we all know EXACTLY what you mean by this... oh hummmmmmmmmmm!!! 

hugs Stayed

[Believer]

A question for those with much more experience at this than I.

My H indicated within the last year - that he will not look back at what went wrong. He will only look forward to building a new life for himself without me.  I wondered if that means his issues will continue to be buried and therefore not addressed or will they eventually fester until he can no longer suppress them?

Hugs,
Believer

Edit: answering on your thread - OldPilot