[kikki]

This is my thinking too xyzcf. 
My MIL loved her children dearly but didn't cope well because of having 5 in quick succession, post partum depression and then major surgery for a heart disorder.  I had forgotten all about this.  Thanks for the reminder.  I think my H was around 11 at the time of his mother's surgery, which was the age our youngest son was when this was all set in motion. 

[DCD]

Hello Mentors - I'm hoping for some advice. I just had a messaging battle with husband and he's now pushing the separation agreement thing again. He presented me with financials a couple of weeks ago but nothing else discussed - no childcare. I don't want to even think about this at this time. I don't want to be bought out.

I want to reply that I haven't presented his proposal to "my people" but will let him know when I do. I want to say that I'm in no hurry to do this. He has had almost three years to get to this point, should I not be allowed some time, too? I don't intend to reply to his text. I don't even intend to go home and talk about it but should he bring it up again, can I say this?  Any thoughts? Thank you - I'm a little unnerved by this.

[kikki]

Hi DCD - I'll answer this on your thread.

[LoveMeMyself]

I have a question........or maybe a couple.  My BD was in Oct. 2009, divorced final in Oct. 2010.  I don't remember exactly at what point throughout all this mess but my exH started telling me he was sorry every chance he got.  He expressed his hope that I would forgive him one day........which I have already forgiven him and he knows this.  He has thanked me for my forgiveness and even expressed that my treatment of him/towards him has truly helped him.  He also stated after his suicide attempt that he really wished none of this had happened and wished someone would have knocked some sense into his head.  It will be two years in July since his suicide attempt.......so it has been two years or so since my exH has expressed how sorry he is/was or shown any kind of regrets.  I'm not sure I can ask my question to cover what I'm trying to get at.......but, since my exH expressed this such a long time ago is this it?  I mean, will there be more from him in regards to his regrets/remorse or will it just be pushed aside by him as time goes on?  I guess I'm just wondering if anybody else has experienced this earlier in the beginning of their spouses MLC or something similar.  And, for those who are further along and experiencing reconnection/reconciliation.......have they experienced anything like this as well.

[stayed]

My h still apologizes.  Out of the blue, often when we are having a wonderful time, he will give me a hug and tell me how GRATEFUL he is to be here living this moment, with me.  Often he will add... "Stayed, I really am, so terribly sorry!" 

It's been 6.5 years for us, I am thinking he is never going to forget this.  He has forgiven himself but sometimes, you really are struck by how FORTUNATE you are.   Whatever we did, if we had not done it, we might not have been here now, doing what we are doing.  Enjoying our family together.  Our lives could have gone in a completely different direction. 

If they don't return, but apologize, I have no idea if they say it a few times and let it go!  You would have to do a survey, I am thinking.

That's my situation.  Do other returners continue to apologize?

hugs Stayed

[kikki]

LoveMyMan - my BD was Feb 2010.  My H too was very very apologetic for a long time, but I haven't heard any of this sort of thing for a couple of years either now.

I think they must be in the 'it gets worse before it gets better' phase.  And there is more light at the beginning and ends of the tunnels.   

It doesn't mean that he isn't making solid progress - just that it is darker in there for him right now. 

[Anjae]

LoveMyMan - my BD Oct 2006. For two years I heard a lot of apologies. Since they have been rare. A couple in 2009 and maybe one in 2010. Mr J is still deep into the tunnel.

It is impossible to say if they are going to keep say they are sorry but when they are finally out of the tunnel I think they will say it often.

One of my cousins had MLC and, like your husband, tried to kill himself. His last attempt was less than 2 years ago, his rock bottom late June 2011. He is now much better.

Sometimes he says he is sorry, other times it is like he has forgot it all. 

[LoveMeMyself]

Thank you, Stayed, Kiki and AnneJ for providing some insight for me.  I'm not sure it really matters very much as to how many times they say they are sorry or not.  I believe I'm just trying to have answers to impossible questions.  I might not ever really have the answers from my exH so I shouldn't put so much energy into the "why's".  It is what it is. 

I suppose we are just curious by nature and want to understand as best we can.  Perhaps this is part of the healing process.......maybe accepting the fact that we may never truly understand.  It's just so difficult to get past all the stuff these MLC'ers put us through. 

Thank you all again. 

[DancingInTheRain]

I'm struggling with including my WAS in family activities or not. He still sees OW. We are 9 months post BD. He lives in an apartment on his own.

WAS asked to be included in family activities but my IC felt that was NOT a good idea. Please read my thread if you have time. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.

[forthetrees]

Limitless was VERY gracious in including her h and from my point of view, it did not do her any good. It made it harder on her to attend the function. Don´t know how his presence affected the experience of her children- older teens and early twenties. You could PM her.