[toughtimes]

I have been thinking alot about unconditional love. I love my children unconditionally, completely. However, I never thought it was possible to love anyone else unconditionally, especially my spouse. But I'm not so sure now. I think I do love him unconditionally? I love him despite the pain he is causing and I think I always will.
Does anyone have any feelings or views on this? I would be so interested to hear.

TTx

[I believe in angels]

Yeah I do think you can love your spouse unconditionally even though what he is doing at the moment is hurting you because we all know that there is a reason that they are doing this.  The problem comes not with loving them unconditionally but whether you can TRUST them.  They have broken that trust with their behaviour and I personally think that you may forgive them and love them for what they have done but trusting them is a whole different thing.

[Sassyone]

I think if you are standing you know unconditional love or you will get there.  When people, even our children, break our trust, it takes a long time for this to come back.  I have been reconciling with my H for more than a year now and the trust is slow to return as I continue to heal over the affair and the nasty things he said to me.  You continue to cycle.  With every cycle you get stronger.  What I can tell you though is I learned a deep unconditional love (not those ooey gooey emotional feelings they all get wrapped up in their adulterous relationships), but true love.  I saw and see a broken man, know what he did, know he is remorseful and even through it all I love him. 

I did a lot of sole searching while H as deep in replay.  I thought to myself, did I not want to lose to OW, was this a competition (H even accused me of that).  The answer was no.  I thought a lot about me, us, and was I just afraid to be on my own . . . again the answer was no.  I knew I loved H unconditionally. 

Trust, now that takes time and no one fools me more than once, including H.

Hugs,

Sassy

[In this for ME]

Nope...I cannot love someone who has shown no compassion for the pain my children are (still)  in. Even if he does deal with it. He's all lip service and no REAL feelings for anyone except himself.
 
I simply cannot love someone like this. And if the feelings I do feel are love for him they are nothing more than a superficial facade.

[Peony2012]

I can say I do love my spouse unconditionally. I really do.

As Sassyone said, I saw and see a broken man. I would take him back instantly and would forgive him for what he's done.

However, recently I have begun to feel (or fear) that I might be disillusional about the whole thing. Or that I might confuse my intuition with my deepest wishes. Only time will tell.

peonyxxxxx

[Believer]

I feel similar to what Sassyone has expressed. I do love my H unconditionally.

It took me a little time though to separate my adoration and remove the rose coloured glasses.

However once I finally did I discovered that the man who stood before was a frail and frightened man with a complete loss of being.

 I certainly do not excuse his behaviour and in time he will be accountable for what he's done.

As I continue on my path I will explore the ways that I can become stronger and healthier.

As Sassy shared trust is a whole other factor. I know though after lots of time spent deep in thought that I am willing to trust H again - that I want to. It will be up to him to though to earn it - slowly and genuinely.

The rose coloured glasses are off and yes I do love H unconditionally...

Hugs,
Believer

[Ready2Transform]

This process has taught me that I do.  I am deeply disappointed in this version of him and the things he does.  The inability to trust his words, actions, and intentions is unbelievable.  But they are not insurmountable, if we can get to the starting gate.  I have cut myself off from many people in my life (including my own mother) without looking back, and I have also restored and renewed relationships post-MLC.  It's possible, and it's my first choice if given the chance.

[LoveMeMyself]

I love my exH unconditionally...........no doubt in my mind.  I realized it immediately.......something I don't think I've ever really felt before.  True, the unconditionally love I hold for my children is different. I've always known it was there for them.  I honestly believe this "journey" has shown me......taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.  It is such a profound realization.  I know I will love him regardless of the outcome.

[Sassyone]

I honestly feel you get to the feeling of unconditional love when you remove those rose colored glasses and you look at yourself and begin to live for you.

For me at least, society always taught you that you loved your parents and sibilings and children unconditionally, everyone else had conditions.  What I learned in this journey is that H is family and once you are family you are always family so he will always be loved unconditionally, perhaps not in the same manner as before but loved nonetheless.

I also believe that this feeling came about when I was able to see that this was about him and he was in a true emotional and identity crisis.  He was broken.  I knew I would love him always in some form or fashion.  I honestly believe that this crisis was not maliciously done to me.  That does not dismiss his actions or behaviors and it is similar to true forgiveness.  You can forgiven without condoning the actions (this takes time of course.)

Hugs,

Sassy

[Anjae]

Yes, we can. That is not the same as be able to trust them again, want them back or reconcile the marriage.