[Doc Hudson]

Thundarr,

You feel that you didn't do what you were supposed to do, or wanted to do, with your kids over the past year.  Okay.  So what the F*CK are you going to do about that?  Start another thread?  Here's some therapy for you: Every time that you feel like posting on this board, go and do something for your children. 

Tough love.

[Thundarr]

Thundarr,

You feel that you didn't do what you were supposed to do, or wanted to do, with your kids over the past year.  Okay.  So what the F*CK are you going to do about that?  Start another thread?  Here's some therapy for you: Every time that you feel like posting on this board, go and do something for your children. 

Tough love.

There is much wisdom here.  In a Pimp Stick sort of way, yes, but much wisdom all the same.  Love ya, Doc!

[hobo1]

T-

I think you out of all the fathers that I know did the most for your kids and they know it.  I think you know it deep down too.
Sometimes you feel like you havent done enough, but when you start counting the things you've done, you will see that you mean so much in their lives....

Heck, even though I am a part time dad, I feel that I've done more with and for my kids in the past year than I ever had.

The MLCer texted a few months ago that she was a good mother, but I am a joke of a father.

I have no idea what prompted her to say that about me...  perhaps I didn't play with my son enough, or perhaps I worked too much.  But nevertheless, I try everyday to be a better father.  Actually at times, I wished I was in your shoes having to care for the kids...  this way - there is no ambiguity of my role. 

[honour]

I appreciate this site is for Standers but Standing is not the only right and proper way to proceed and Standing does not have an exclusive right to the moral high ground.

In fact I would agree that if you tke this context with your spouse, you will never reconnect.

In a few days time she will be another man's wife; is it healthy to be thinking about reconnecting with another man's wife?

honour

PS For the record the divorce was at her instigation, at full speed and do not pass Go.

[Dontgiveup]

I appreciate this site is for Standers but Standing is not the only right and proper way to proceed and Standing does not have an exclusive right to the moral high ground.

In fact I would agree that if you tke this context with your spouse, you will never reconnect.

In a few days time she will be another man's wife; is it healthy to be thinking about reconnecting with another man's wife?

honour

PS For the record the divorce was at her instigation, at full speed and do not pass Go.

My ex-wife divorced me within 6 months of bomb drop.  There was cycling during that entire 6 month period.....and beyond.  The divorce was completely done by my ex-wife.  If it weren't for a signature, I'd have been a non-participant.

My ex-wife has married the OM.  She still seems to have Boomerang behavior.  So, how do I handle it?  Well, these things from RCR reflect what I think.

Give them freedom to ruin their relationship.

Who will be the woman scorned; you or the alienator? You get to choose. (or man)

Fighting leads to violence, Standing is not about fighting for your marriage. It is about peace and surrendering. Let the alienator do the fighting.

This thread is about the differences of male and female MLCers, but it also stands out to me there may be a difference in male and female LBS also.  I have been on other websites in the past (several of them).  I haven't been on them in a couple of years now, but one of the reasons I chose Heros Spouse is that I didn't share the extreme anger and bitterness that seemed to exist with many of the male LBS who posted on other sites.  That doesn't mean I'm not angry at times, or haven't been angry.

[Rebel Yell]

yeah

[Anjae]

Fighting leads to violence, Standing is not about fighting for your marriage. It is about peace and surrendering. Let the alienator do the fighting.

Yes, but if you end up in court you (yoru lawyer) are going to have to fight. You cannot surrender in legal matters if they are trying to harm you. But the fight can be left to your lawyer.

This thread is about the differences of male and female MLCers, but it also stands out to me there may be a difference in male and female LBS also.  I have been on other websites in the past (several of them).  I haven't been on them in a couple of years now, but one of the reasons I chose Heros Spouse is that I didn't share the extreme anger and bitterness that seemed to exist with many of the male LBS who posted on other sites.  That doesn't mean I'm not angry at times, or haven't been angry.

I'm a female and when I come across those other boards I did not like the anger, resentment, dirty language and a few other things going on there both from female and male LBS. Could not identify with those foruns or capable of join them.  I found this board to be very different from all others.

[honour]

but one of the reasons I chose Heros Spouse is that I didn't share the extreme anger and bitterness that seemed to exist with many of the male LBS who posted on other sites.

Doesn't the quote below sound angry, bitter and arrogant to you?

Give them freedom to ruin their relationship.

Why not simply say give them the freedom to have their relationship. It is a big assumption to predict their new relationship will ruin. It may be that your xW and my xW will be happier than they have ever been with their new partners than with us, and if we love them shouldn't we wish them well in that, rather than covertly hope they ruin?

honour

[Rebel Yell]

 I don't think I've ever heard of a relationship starting in infidelity that has been a good marriage. I'm sure there are exceptions though. Just don't know of any.
If they will do it with you they will do it to you IMHO

[Dontgiveup]

but one of the reasons I chose Heros Spouse is that I didn't share the extreme anger and bitterness that seemed to exist with many of the male LBS who posted on other sites.

Doesn't the quote below sound angry, bitter and arrogant to you?

No

Give them freedom to ruin their relationship.

Why not simply say give them the freedom to have their relationship. It is a big assumption to predict their new relationship will ruin. It may be that your xW and my xW will be happier than they have ever been with their new partners than with us, and if we love them shouldn't we wish them well in that, rather than covertly hope they ruin?

I don't feel the need to alter the wording to things RCR wrote.  It's quite helpful as it is.  Certainly you are free to disagree.

And it's not too big of an assumption, simply based on two things....1)what we know about MLC and the anger that often comes with it....and 2) the divorce rate of second marriages whether MLC or not.

Good things don't happen when you walk out of your marriage and divorce your spouse.  They just don't.  Happiness is not finding a new partner or spouse.

I like something Rick Warren said.  He said God is more concerned about your holiness than your happiness.