[In this for ME]

I told d16 yesterday that I didn't want her to lose respect for me...that all I'm doing is sleeping with him Nothing else. And I've been doing that because D19 is downstairs playing xbox starting at about the time I need to go to bed.

I told her I really have no place to sleep other than the couch . But I have to think about my own self and my back is killing me after a few days there.

[kikki]

Hi InThis - I do think at the end of the day that if you choose to sleep or 'sleep' with your H, then you will have very good reasons for doing so.

None of us would take our spouses back lightly after this treatment.  And it no doubt stems from your D not wanting you to get hurt again, and she is no doubt trying to protect both herself and you from that potential.

You must do what is right for you. 

[honour]

I guess we'd all have to admit, that at a grass roots level, your D16 is absolutely correct InThis.
I too sometimes wonder about this, and I have sons.   Will they be disgusted at my 'lack of self worth' (in their eyes), if my H and I ever reconcile. 
With daughters - I can't even begin to imagine the turmoil that they will feel about it all.

My daughter said to me, "if you ever take her (W) back, don't expect me to be there to pick up the pieces."

honour

[Dontgiveup]

Is there something wrong with teaching children lessons of forgiveness and reconciliation?  I think it's a question worthy of asking ourselves.

[honour]

Is there something wrong with teaching children lessons of forgiveness and reconciliation?  I think it's a question worthy of asking ourselves.

As a very intelligent and independent twenty-three year old, living away from home, she can and does, think for herself. As a youngster she learnt right and wrong from non other than her mother.

honour

[Dontgiveup]

Is there something wrong with teaching children lessons of forgiveness and reconciliation?  I think it's a question worthy of asking ourselves.

As a very intelligent and independent twenty-three year old, living away from home

Then certainly in your case she wouldn't need to be there to pick up any pieces

As a youngster she learnt right and wrong from non other than her mother.

I would imagine children learn lessons from both their mother and father.

Speaking only of what I know of my own ex-wife, I am proud of things she taught others......she was in her right "mind" then and had a very very good head on her shoulders.

[Synicca]

I have asked my D now 14...( 12 at BD ) how she views what I have done over the last 2 years with regards to My H...

She doesnt think I am some sort of doormat, She actually understood that daddy was/is sick and I was standing by him
"in sickness and in health" and that I have forgiven him but by NO means was what he did RIGHT. My H has even discussed
his behaviour recently with her and he said that it was up to HIM to make it right with me...(and her) and told her that what
he did was VERY wrong.

[honour]

Then certainly in your case she wouldn't need to be there to pick up any pieces

If "being there" meant being geographically or physically present was a prerequisite for being willing and able to help and give support, then this forum community wouldn't work.

Over the past two years I've received life saving and life supporting contact with people I'm honoured and privileged to know and call friends yet have never met them in person and don't know who they are accept by a username. My daughter and I know each other a little more than that.


honour

[Dontgiveup]

Then certainly in your case she wouldn't need to be there to pick up any pieces

If "being there" meant being geographically or physically present was a prerequisite for being willing and able to help and give support, then this forum community wouldn't work.

Agreed

A point being as her father, you teach her important life lessons.....forgiveness, how to treat others and relational skills included.

[In this for ME]

told her that what
he did was VERY wrong

This is paramount to the kids being able to heal AND so these MLCERs SEE THINGS THROUGH THE CHILDRENS EYES INSTEAD OF THIER OWN. IMHO