[Peony2012]

FindingJojo has just posted on EO's thread that she said to her H that she 'truly knew something was seriously wrong with him' -

And I was wondering how many of you have told their MLC'lers the same or something similar and what their reactions were?

When / How did you approach the subject and what did you get as response?
Did you get more Monster spew? Did some of them even agree or acknowledge?

peony
x

[eternallyoptimistic]

I did but he just gives me this lemon look and shuts down. He doesn't want to talk about it...other than saying he has no idea what he wants and it changes everyday. Right now he is totally acting like a  20 year old guy...partying it up. I don't think he can stand to be sober that long.

[FindingJoJo]

I did but he just gives me this lemon look and shuts down. He doesn't want to talk about it...other than saying he has no idea what he wants and it changes everyday. Right now he is totally acting like a  20 year old guy...partying it up. I don't think he can stand to be sober that long.

Mine still changes and my H even recognizes that something is wrong, he even says what his plan is to fix himself and what he needs to do.  Then he goes off in a different direction and then because he might feel again goes off on his binge again, with booze, women and drugs.  I know mine can't stand to be sober very long and on Wednesday as we were saying goodbye he was sober and willing to talk.  Did he absorb everything we talked about together - NO.  Will he remember the things he told me he was going to do - NO.  H even told me he is so caught up in thoughts of the past that there are times he forgets what he did in the present.

 But when I saw the sober man pacing, crying, wanting to get a D, then telling me how much he loves me, seeing him talk himself into leaving over and over, talking about changing himself to be a better man for me, not wanting to be with a woman that would go to jail then going directly to that person.  Seeing his panic attack on Tuesday and all that led up to this - yeah I truly knew at that point something was seriously wrong with H.  I knew intellectually before and somewhat on an emotional level but I don't think it sunk in until that moment.  H would lay his head on my lap then jump up and say 'No' I gotta go then pace for 5 minutes.  Then come over give me kisses and comfort then ask more about what to do, then cry.  So with all that it finally sunk in just how sick he is and its no wonder he stays drunk it was overwhelming just watching it, let alone to live it I can't imagine being caught up in his mind right now and know why he is so far gone on booze, drugs and sexual acts.

[Thundarr]

I have before but it's been awhile since I didn't get anywhere.  W looked at me like I was speaking Swahili and just stared.  It's like someone with a spell on them or hypnotized or something.  Whenever I make a subtle comment about W "going through" something she quickly changes the subject.  I think deep down she knows I know but doesn't want to.  That, or she isn't really and just thinks I'm trying to manipulate.  Who knows.

It is interesting g how it seems the males are more open about admitting it and seeking help from the spouse than the women are.  My W has never asked for help or, given a hug or reached out like I see the males here do (mostly).

[limitless]

Actually, even from the beginning, my H recognized that there was something wrong with him.  He even went as far as sending me an email - telling me that I hadn't damaged the "goods" (him) - but that I had been given "damaged goods."  I thought, at the time, this was some tremendous breakthrough and that he would be on the road to recovery.  WRONG!

A few days later he was back to Monster spewing and telling me that I was trying to control him.  (It didn't help that I went into full steam pursuit - as I thought I could help him now that he could see that he was not right  )

Honestly, these MLCers may have snippets of time when they are down and they are feeling like they may have made some mistakes....but they cycle (as we do) and many times head right back into Replay.  I guess it is part of the process.

limitless

[FindingJoJo]

It is interesting g how it seems the males are more open about admitting it and seeking help from the spouse than the women are.  My W has never asked for help or, given a hug or reached out like I see the males here do (mostly).

I think it is because they have seen us throughout the years being the nurturer, mother and it also seems that more males are the clinging types of MLC as well.  Could be just the clinging side of their disease and mean only that.  Who knows that they think.

Actually, even from the beginning, my H recognized that there was something wrong with him.  He even went as far as sending me an email - telling me that I hadn't damaged the "goods" (him) - but that I had been given "damaged goods."  I thought, at the time, this was some tremendous breakthrough and that he would be on the road to recovery.  WRONG!

Wow I have heard that one as well.  The man we met with on Wednesday morning even told H, no offense but if you could handle this yourself you would have and it didn't sink in.  H knows he has a problem has known that all along too, even has some thoughts on what he needs to do and they aren't bad ideas.  Will he do any of it, no because it would require him to deal with his emotions from childhood until now and it is too overwhelming for them to deal with and he is so caught up in thoughts of the past he forgets the present.  What I saw on Wednesday just made me understand why he does it and I was overwhelmed watching it from the outside I can't imagine having it in my head.  My heart breaks for the man he is now, the pain he is going through and knowing there isn't anything I can do to fix it.  The only thing for me is to pray he can make it through by any means.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

I don't think I told my H point blank there's something wrong; not that I remember.

What I remember is him asking me (the night he came home from a trip and let me know that he would be filing for a divorce the next day) if I thought he was crazy, but I said no.  He himself has referred to his feelings as "crazy", "dark place", and yes even MLC.  Oh yeah and also that he's got his head in his @$$.  So, he knows.

What I wish now is that I had said something other than No.  I don't know if there would've been any difference but had I known he'd turn into a practical Vanisher I would like to have gotten in more of a talk with him.  I was too shocked at what I was hearing him say that all my training from this site kind of flew out the window!

[eternallyoptimistic]

Actually thinking back....before I found this forum I had sent h a very long text telling him that I though he had MLC. I told him no matter what happened between us right now, he would be unhappy. He did send me one back that said you are right. That was the only time I mentioned MLC...the other times I don't even remember what I said and just got lemon looks.

[FindingJoJo]

I don't think I told my H point blank there's something wrong; not that I remember.

That was the first time for me on that level.  I use to say I understand and what are you going to do about it, I believe in you and wish you could see yourself as I see you and stop talking bad about yourself.  I still did that Wednesday but had probably my one and only opportunity to give him some information about something being serious wrong with him and using booze, drugs, women and gambling to cover it up.  I just pray it does sink in, but right now he is probably self-medicating being told by everyone he is around that nothing is wrong with him that he is okay, he just needs to buckle down and grow up.  Yeah they are all so helpful and loving.  I resent their interference more than anything H has done.

[eternallyoptimistic]

I feel the exact same way! My h has friends where we live, where he used to live and at work. The work and "old" friends are fueling things. The ow is fueling things. I wish someone would take a big frying pan to him and say "wake up! Your life rocks...get over your bad behavior and be a good husband and father!You're acting like a teenager not a 41 year old! You going to be a bad legacy for the rest of your life?! Man up! You have an awesome wife and beautiful children, you're going to lose that if you don't do something about it!" IF only....