[stillhere]

I truly wasn't sure if I should put this in my story or start a discussion thread.

I've had a pretty rough few days and am going between strength and breaking down in tears.  So I began to look back at my story, and am thinking about a time a few weeks ago when I was feeling very strong and becoming more detached.  It lasted for a couple of weeks.  I want and need that back.  That time was preceded by a pretty low moment. 

As I was reading my story and reviewing posts the thought occurred to me that each of us seems to go through a weak time and then become stronger and more detached. 

Thoughts on this?  Have you seen this kind of cycle in yourself?  I have been reading in the posts that the strength returns quicker with each low time. 

[ForeverHopefulOne]

YES!  I have been cycling moment by moment lately.  The cycles used to be longer (weeks of strength, and then maybe a day of sadness); now, I seem to be up and down every day lately.  As you can tell by my posts, the cycle I have been in more lately is ANGER.  It comes and goes throughout the day; sometimes, it brings me to tears.  I know that I will be OK, but it still bothers me.

What gets me through, is to remember THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!  IT IS OUT OF MY CONTROL.  That is my saving grace.  and, of course, ALL OF YOU!!!  Sometimes, all of you give me the strength to get through the tough times.

Thanks for starting this thread, SH!

[stillhere]

Just hoping to learn something FHO.  I know I can't keep feeling what I'm feeling.  I was just reading one of the articles on stages of loss.  It was helpful to know that although I don't feel like it, I'm making progress. 

[trusting]

SH - I am right there with you!  Earlier this summer I was GREAT!!  Strong, detached, happy.  Now, really not so much at all.  I do have some external things in my case that are contributing to that, but I feel I am letting myself get down.  I WANT that back.

We LBSs do cycle.  We move through the stages of grief and that does seem to have back tracking even with forward movement (sounds like MLC doesn't it?).

I think we do need to face our sadness or anger or whatever it is and deal with it.  To stuff it in is unhealthy and we need to do so to move on. 

[Purple stain]

Hi! I also usually feel good (if you can call it that) but than I have moments like last weekend and I get really angry at first than I leave the house and I get really sad then. That's another reason why I start going to IC to better understand my own feelings and to get back in tune with myself. I don't want to get angry anymore. But my IC said that me getting in touch with my feelings will mean that I will get sad, angry etc which kind of scares me. But right now, I get mad over trivial things (totally irrational), not often but it happens.

[Trustandlove]

I find with me it's to do with anxiety/worry.  I can send myself down pretty quickly if I get on the worry train. 

Yes, I cycle.  But each time it gets a tiny bit better, i.e. it's not quite as volatile, I don't go down as far, I come back more quickly.  Sometimes when it's not as volatile it seems that it's more cylcling; it used to be that I went down for days at a time, so by definition there were fewer cylcles....

I am very influenced by words, so sometimes just reading something can help enormously.  I thought for a while that being on the forum was making things worse, then I find that if I read things differently, I can see that even though my mlc-er has been gone longer than most our experiences really are similar; it's a matter of outlasting it. 

there is always something to learn here. 

Still's latest thoughts have been very interesting. 

[xyzcf]

    I also feel some concern re: being on this forum..do I spend too much time here? I certainly learn a lot and it allows me to process my own situation.....wow, some of you have really had horrific experiences and I am grateful that our situation continues to improve bit by bit.
   I also experience anxiety..the waiting is difficult and there are many changes and challenges a head for us and he's still very distant and uncommunicative..sometimes I think technology makes it worse as in our case we are not even living on the same continent so there is no body language to pick up on....telephone calls and texts leave a great deal to interpretation.
    I never did this before but now I analyse everything he says..I need to lighten up.
    Talking to some trusted friends helps, all those things such as journalling, exercise, prayer help greatly. My doctor originally wanted me to take antidepressants but for me, that was not something I wished to do. I do however have anti anxiety meds which I take occasionally when I feel that I'm fighting the panic and cannot calm myself..sometimes they help me to get a rest and then move forward...however,I try to avoid their use as they can become addictive. I think that it's important to feel the pain, that after facing it, I can conquer my fear.....and it's surprising how often you can stare it down..and sometimes even laugh in its face.
    I need to reestablish trust in my H, and he's still got a way to go in his journey and cannot say the words that I need to hear..that in the past I would turn to him to create "peace" for me..but now I find I can create that peace myself. Not all the time, but much more than in the past. Hang in there!
   

[stayingthecourse]

I have found that when I have a low period, I come back stronger and more detached.
As I have been doing the work on me, I have noticed that I will have a low period that is followed by a break through in understanding the why of a behavior I have been struggling with - codependent, control, etc.

And that understanding always makes me stronger and more aware of who I am - which makes it easier to step back from my H and detach a little more.

[Anjae]

stillhere, yes a low is folloew with more strenght and it returns much faster each low time. Also, low times become further and further apart.

Start detecting that of low followed from strenght, and every time more quicker a couple of years ago. At first it was strange because things did not seem to affect has they use to. What was going on? Then I realised it was detachement.

[missybuddha]

I'm So with you all. This week I've been Deeply sad, very very angry and guilty. I want to detach and sometimes feel great but he is still in  the house (moved into son's room) and it's horrible. HORRible and I've told him I want him to move out. I cannot bear it that he is here and want him to go away so that I can protect myself financially and emotionally for my children.
My mind is still full of him and I know this is BAD and I should focus on me. but i'm not doing very well at the moment .