[Dandy Lion]

The only way I can detach myself is by repeating certain phrases over and over again in my head, some of these are:

When I think I cannot take anymore pain .....................................No pain No gain

When I feel impatient for my H to come out of the tunnel..............All comes to those who wait

When I think I cannot go on and missing my H..............................No one ever died of a broken heart

When I think that he just does not care.........................................What goes around comes around

When I feel that I am losing him to OW..........................................Sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war

When I feel like hurting him as much as he has hurt me ...............How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours

I have many more and I use them in moments when I need some strength............they seem to help me!

[growing every day]

Good stuff Dandy!!

[ziggee]

While on the surface... all platitudes.. but like stereotypes... so very true...

Thank you

Me.

and a hug from a stranger!! :/

[kikki]

Found this link from RCR's resources thread

http://jamesjmessina.com/toolsforcontrolissues/developdetachment.html

[Shantilly Lace]

Detachment comes I stages.

I watch mainly with bemusement but this time last year I was recivering from serious suicudal thoughts.
No fun
I spoke to a spiritual counsellor and he was able to guide me and teach me some techniques. And that was when I started to detach.  I still note lots of things. I see it as important to note things.  Small things big things because it could be small things that others will recognise and could be a marker in this thing.

And so I am an observer.

[MsZing]

HI there Dandy
whatever it takes

My IC advised me to think " THats not my future" to the negative things. Doesn't quick kick it for me, but it gives me an idea of how to cope and adapt it for myself.

cheers

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

My IC advised me to think " THats not my future" to the negative things.

I really like that, actually.  I may use that one for myself.

Oh man I have SUCH a hard time with this.  The months of Monster were awful but I had moments where I was detached and looking at him as a person in need of love, and not needing me specifically.  When I took a vacation on my own to GAL, it was the best time...

Now here I am about a month and a half later and I'm buying into what the alien tells me about how his "head is back on straight" and junk like that.  I know he is still running, he has just found "happy" stuff to keep his mind from looking inward, and this will NOT LAST.

[underpressure]

Hi everyone!

Im really in the throws of This: one extreme to another.
I think i am supposed to go "no contact" with my husband.
But we see each other every other day since a few weeks past bomb drop.
Unfortunately he is dating someone as well and may have slept with her.
I want him to come home.

I had an EA long distance (7/11) that became a short-lived PA (9/11-10/11). There were few encounters and it was not that difficult to break free of the alienator by end of 2011.
I wanted to save my marriage but i was so scared I took until january to tell the truth about the PA.

Now my husband says he never planned to reconcile, not even when he said he wanted to in November.
Yet our love affair with each other persists.

He said today he will be angry for atleast another year. If not many years.

Im afraid to cut contact because i think this will give OW more power.

Im generally afraid of no contact because i want forgivenesss and to treat him well. I want to fill up his love bank.

What should i do?

Has anyone ever successfully used detachment to heal a relationship?

[Dontgiveup]

Has anyone ever successfully used detachment to heal a relationship?

Detaching is not about healing a relationship.  Healing a relationship takes two people.  If your spouse is in midlife crisis, he or she is not interested in healing the relationship.

Detaching is to help you

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/self-focus_releasers_detach_practical-applications-to-detachment.html

[underpressure]

Thanks, Dontgiveup,

In the questions on that page, RCR asks "Identify unfavorable belief systems".

Can someone help me with examples from their own experience?

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/self-focus_releasers_detach_practical-applications-to-detachment.html