Hey SuperD,
Interesting reading your post. Took me back to this time last year when I asked, no begged, my H to not bring OW1 into my home.
Fast forward a couple of months. He not only brought her into my home, he screwed her, (sorry to be coarse but I don't think there was actual love involved) all on the night I travelled to comfort a friend who'd been diagnosed with cancer.
When I found this out I felt utterly eviscerated. He only admitted the sex bit recently since BD2, like I thought he was showing her our artwork! By then we'd slept together as we had reconciled, or so I thought. I felt repulsed by what he'd done.
Yet now, it really doesn't bother me that much. I am still here living in the same house whilst he has moved in with OW2. Yet i didn't get here overnight, it took TIME. I worked hard, really hard to detach from it. I thought about it and what it meant to him and to me. I came to understand that for the most part my pride was hurting. He was behaving badly but it wasn't about me. Sure it's disrespectful, heinously so, but I actually felt he was disrespecting himself more than me. Who in their right mind thinks that is ok behaviour? Bottom line, he has to live with that.
I feel the same this time round now he's moved in with degenerate OW2 who makes OW1 look like Kate Middleton. I don't volunteer information about who he's with or what he's doing, but I won't lie about his affair. Let people judge, me or him, I don't mind. So many people think you must be a harridan if your H has an affair or leaves. I truly can say I don't care. It wasn't always like that for me though.
Let me tell you, since I decided to treat him with kindness and compassion, and forgive him for, what I believe ultimately to be, a folly, I have slept better, ate better, laughed harder, and been more at peace. I thought the Divorce Busting MWD was unhinged when I read the DB book. "forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves, what a load of new age hokum" is pretty much what I thought initially. Yet in my opinion she is right.
BUT, it's not easy, it takes determination, time, courage, more time, a conscious decision to do it, a bit more time, fearlessness, and the ability to look into our hearts and recognise the truth as we see it.
Maybe now isn't the right I've, but I am sure you will get there. Good luck.
B x