[mercury]

I have to agree, I believe God gave me a vanisher for a good reason, I would not have been able to handle a CB. One of us would have ended up in the hospital, but I'm not sure which one. Hahaha

Throughout the two plus years, I have always had a vanisher as a H but I have lost and found God a few times. I always believe that God could fix anything and would, I never heard of this free will thing being a handicap. I read the bible, which didn't help, the Old Testament was hard on me, I'm not an Israelite and I read it very cut and dryly. I am disappoint that I was forced to give up the God from my childhood and accept the God of my adulthood. I don't prey anymore for my H, only that I'll be ready for the D, and come out of it OK. I preyed so hard and for so long, begging for his return and with a heavy heart I gave up, it wasn't helping me and the disappointment was becoming too much. I don't know if he is working on my H or not, I don't know if this was what he wanted for me, I just know it is what it is and just because I felt the deepest sorrow I have ever felt, I was never alone, my H left but God did not.

This is without a doubt the worst time of our lives and it will end.

[Mitzpah]

Mercury,

At least God isn't a vanisher! I know that when I thought I couldn't find God, it was because I had moved away... I also know that He is always there and He will not abandon me, and for that, I am grateful!

[Voyager]

Foxy

Just a quick but I think relevent hijack

.I live it every day and sometimes..feel very sorry for myself and rant!  You can ask Voyager!!!!!

I think Fox that if anyone is an example that you can live without your MLCer in your life its you. And the benefits of having a vanisher for you have been immense, not what you wished for I know, but the reflection and growing and healing you have done in his absence just shows what LBS can acheive when they have to go on their own path and are not joined on to the MLCers.

I think, I hope, that painful though that process has been (especially the number of 2x4's you got)  that has been a silver lining for you in all of this.

Even if its only that the last time I saw you, did you know you only got one 1x1 from me?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



 

[Foxberry]

V, I luv ya!!!! You know that without you I wouldnt have made it xxx you listened, advised, 2x4 d me, & hugged me in my sorrow.

V you never gave up on me.... Now, I am woman hear me roar!!!!!!! I want to be here for others - all because my friend Voyager guided me through the minefield of MLC......I'm not healed or through it but I can see the light....

Love & hugs
Foxy xxxx

[LoveMeMyself]

Mercury,
 
    I read your post (Jan. 27) and I can so relate to everything you said.  I do not have a vanisher as you do though. Our contact is very limited and sometimes a month goes by without any.  I just want to share a sign (a real one) that I truly needed at the very moment I saw it.  Perhaps it will help you and others as well.  Anyway, I was driving down the road and thinking that I just didn't know how much longer I can continue praying for my ex H.  Then I saw the sign........it said, "Keep praying while you are waiting.......God is working". 

(((HUGS)))

[good4me]

Not sure how I am feeling about H today. Confusion clouds my mind and heart. Talking/praying constantly not quite sure what will be but I know that God has got me in his hands. Just trusting Him that I will be alright. That isn't to say that I don't miss H- gosh I do ever so very much. It is almost 1 year since I have seen him. People in RL say it should be easier since H has been gone so long so what's my problem- get over it 

I don't care how long it has been. My heart still aches for the man I love and married. 

[forthetrees]

G4M,
It took me about 20 months from BD1 and with some MAJOR MLC bonehead maneuvers til I LET GO, but when I did, I completely let go. So, I can imagine without the bonehead stuff, it may have taken longer. Don´t beat yourself up over it, but IF your health is starting to suffer, then I would say watch out, protect yourself as emotional damage does lead to physical harm.

Hug,
FTT

[Standing in Patience]

I know I don't have a CB, but perhaps my h is changing.

He has emailed me in the last two weeks a little less than ten times about family matters. I read them, set them aside and then respond cordially a little later. I think he is peeking out a bit.

He continues to talk to children one or two minutes every other day or after a couple of days. He seems to ask more questions about how the other children are doing when he speaks to one of them at a time. He tells them that he "loves" them at the end of the phone call. He purposefully sounds "cheerful" like he putting on an act.

[unbroken]

I just wanted to check in with some others with vanishers.
Still not one word from my H.  It's been 483 days since I've seen him or talked with him.
I hope RCR is paying attention to the vanishers as well.  I think it will be important to see what happens with our situations over time.  The boomerang seems much more like MLC to me.  I had one for years.  I wonder if once they finally vanish it's over.  Perhaps they are instead WAS.  I think RCR should be tracking this so she will have some insight for her work.  Right now, that's a big black hole.
I personally believe that NC is a bad thing for more than a few weeks, at most a couple of months.  Beyond that I think it's just too easy for the MLCer to just move on with his life without settling anything.
I really feel like he is just gone now.
I have made contact with him 2 times in the last 6 months.  He responded to the first 3, but not the last 2, although one was just telling him the accountant is ready for his taxes.
He turned in his tax stuff and signed our taxes, so he knows we are still married.    The whole thing is crazy.  My counselor is at a loss.
He is free to do whatever he wants, so what's stopping him from finalizing the divorce???

[good4me]

Yes having a vanisher can be very painful. The complete absence from your life is mind numbing. Then to hear or see news of their activities can be devastating. My snooping on fb doesnt help yet I dont think it snooping when you are married. Guess I am naive
Last contact was from his lawyer making demands about the suv I have and a 1099 form that I supposedly failed to tell him about. Well I never got the 1099 form and he could have just called me about it but  that's not how he does things.  It almost feels like out of sight out of mind.

Caught him with a woman on 03/17/2012 dropping him off at his car 137 am and then last night found fb photo of him and friends with his new harley in Florida

Just keep praying for my sudden return.