[In this for ME]

I think that's a good part of it..this was a gradual thing with us.

I was always dependent on him financially which drove me nuts as he only wanted to work when he wanted to work. He liked constuction when he was younger 6 months on and 6 months off..those 6 months off also DROVE ME NUTS!!

I remeber when the kids were little I'd be raiding the couch cushions looking for loose change for milk money to send to school. Then he'd sell something he had collected and buy a snowmachine! Then he's want money for gas etc.

He's always been extremely self centered. But that's how his father was.

I have always worked but it wasn't until last year I got a decent job. He had lost his job 2 years before due too his anger issues.

So now all of a sudden it's OK to kick me out of his life because I can make it on my own?? WTF?

[readytofixmyselffirst]

My w's OM is someone she met online. They have never met, but w thinks he can read her mind and is her soul mate. She loves the fact that he is from the UK. She fantasizes about going to the UK to meet him and have their tender moment together. I would love to go to the UK and have my own tender moment with him. He is married too, but she says she respects his honesty. Of course, my w does not work and spends days on the computer without leaving the house. Talking about having it hard. As a therapist told her- she pointed to the sky and said, "Fantasy will always beat and she pointed at me and continued, "reality." However, you have to accept that this man is fantasy and you have built him into more than he is. My w would accept any of it. She said the thought of giving up OM would kill her. Talking about feeling like chopped liver during the session.

Well, my spouse may not have had a history with OM, but she is making the most of it now. By the way, has anyone ever taken the opportunity to slap the taste right out of om/ow's mouth. Not that I am violent, but I have my own fantasy world as well.

[In this for ME]

Oh yeah
I go back and forth over who needs to be slapped harder H or the OW.
It really is ridiculous when you think about it . She respects his honesty? GOOD GREIF!! She doesn't even know him! He could be telling her anyrthing! So could she be.

I inadverndntly got an email from some chick that bought a gutar from H As I scrolled down I was floored at the way he was talking to her. How attractive she was and how hot it was to have a girl play bass in a band..and on and on. I just about split my sides laughing. Thank god she was on the west coast of the US or he's probably try her out also.

This was NO where near what the man I knew acted like.

He goes on and on in the email about the gigs HIS band was doing.

The band he formed has fallen apart at least 6 times and they NEVER EVEN PLAYED OUT

I thought to myself reading the email while he's fawning over this chick; Boy I wonder what OW would think about this email??

It's a chance for them to be something they aren't; BOTH of them.

You however ARE the real deal and if that W of yours doesn't wake up soon someone should take a swipe at someone. It's so frustrating!!

[hurt01]

Bumping this up.   I am still very interested in what our H are dealing/living with as far as these OW/OM are concerned. Especially since I feel things might be unraveling with my H and OW, or at least I hope so.

H has withdrawn after his brief and I do mean brief show of wanting to see D and GD.

I know he misses them, would just like to know what goes on that keeps him from seeing our beautiful grandaughter. For a man that could not wait to have grandkids he has not seen her more than an hour total the first whole year of her life. We are expecting our second grandbaby in Dec.

I know OW is wacked, but I THINK it was RCR not sure said Ow might be HPD. My IC thinks NPD and I,m thinking BPD. Maybe we should take a poll.

[Sideways]

Hello,
I didn't know if I should post this in a new thread or not.  I post questions sometimes in my original thread, but I think it is easy to miss them.  (Please let me know if I should not start another thread for this and just re-submit my posts.)

This is a question for HB - and I welcome any advice from others as well.

Hb, had written:

One of the biggest problems with MLC'ers and their OWs is usually when they start exposing the relationship(such as it is) on their own; they encounter heavy resistance from their families; and hopefully, it is enough to help break down the affair.

HB,
My question:

So, even if H is trying to pass off OW as a relationship that has only begun recently, will family respond the same?  He has been hiding her well, for at least a 1-1\2 years, and now  that he has  filed for divorce, I think he is going to try to pass her off as a "new  relationship."  Or doesn't it matter if they know this?  I would hope family will see through.  Many in his family do not know of affair. 
Thankyou.

[Rollercoasterider]

For an example of an alienator that I think may be NPD, look at Writingmom's situation. The alienator does things that seem directly motivated to antagonize Writingmom--sending her daughter an email with photos of alienator and MLCer...well and getting pregnant is pretty big. The alienator had already given a child up for adoption when she got pregnant from a previous affair--she's married too.

And NPDers will be envious rather than jealous. Jealousy is about possessing something and protecting your possession, whereas envy is about wanting something that belongs to someone else not because the person wants it but because they do not want the other person (owner) to have it.

Here is the Jealousy versus Envy article link.
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/affairandmidlifecrisispersonalitydynamics_personalitydisorder_jealousy.html

[hurt01]

I have reread Jealousy vs envious and I do beleive OW is envious. OW has flaunted H all over town and on her face book. She posted pics of them togather for all to see. While she parades H around he is in duck and hide mode from anyone that knows him. H facebook is blocked to where noone can even friend him and from what I understand OWs family and his boss is the only friends he has.

In the past couple of months I have noticed OW has Blocked her wall , pics and has removed in a relationship from her fb. Don,t know what that is about. H has also stopped takeing OW to his parents house. When I seen them at the fair they were not even walking close together. But H had seen me earlier and knew I was there.

I would have thought if they were so IN LOVE they would have been arm in arm or at least holding hands. Even after 25 yrs together H held my hand everywhere we went, even in the car. Maybe H is growing a set of B@#$S.

But earlier in this affair OW was trying to take over my life. She wanted my H , home , pool , kids , in laws. H and OW were talking about moving into OUR house but H grandfather put a stop to that. (He owns the land). OW wanted my kids to love her but that backfired on her to and they hate her. SO now H can not see his kids.

Sorry for rambling again.

[Writingmom]

Very helpful link that I found!  This addresses my sitch especially with baby making but very insightful info about Borderlines.   

http://gettinbetter.com/blackmail.html

[Buggy31]

WM
I read the article...thanks for posting

as far as the info..... ....god help them......really

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Seeing the dynamic from the other side, it does take two to tango. At first, I raged against om. After all, I did not know him and it is easy to despise what you do not know. But, it was my w that asked him for his love. Now, a strong married man would have told her that while he was flattered, he would have to turn her down. He is not a strong man.

I am like HB in that I have never strayed, thought about straying, or pursued anyone other than my wife. If the roles were reversed and I was having an affair, my parents would have hit the roof. My oldest brother would fly out and work me over. It is not just in our blood.

The one thing that I see my w has done in the writings to the om is she has set herself up as the damsel that needs to be rescued. Om is her knight in shining armor. That is something that I have seen over and over throughout the threads that the om comes across as needing to be saved or protected. The om becomes something special.

Now neither of these two have ever met. They are separated by an ocean, but the emotional connection is so strong that my w told the MC that the thought of giving him up would kill her. About made me puke.

Talking about senseless. Not only has she pushed me out, she has pushed her oldest daughter out as well. So, having a ow living in my house, they are borderline. (((Hugs))) and more (((Hugs)))