[ForeverHopefulOne]

My H has not apologized for the affair, but, like most of your spouses, has apologized over and over for hurting me.  I have not told my S about his dad being with someone else; however, my H did sneak OW in to meet my S without my knowledge, under the guise that she was a friend of a friend - YUCK!!!  I was mad and he acknowledged that it was not a good thing to do and apologized for doing it.

I too find that if he is in good with OW, he is affectionate towards me; he wants to see me more, etc.  However, case in point last night, if things are not so good, he doesn't want to be around me.  That hurts too.

[Still]

I was texting a female friend, good morning and good night and my wife had a fit. I told her we were just friends but she would have nothing to do with it.

I would just like to offer a word of caution on this. Even though you are viewing this as a "friend" contact, you should be very careful not only how it looks to your wife, but how it looks to the person you are texting. Times like these when affection has been withheld for long, long periods of time we can become very vulnerable to the attention from others. Just be careful that you aren't sending out the wrong message, to your wife, to your friend, or most importantly to yourself.

[Buggy31]

My husband has not apologized for the affair.  It's still going on.  We had an inciting incident which resulted in him being asked to leave although he had made the decision that he would anyway the day was sooner.  OW H relatives showed up at my door to confirm the affair because they didn't think I knew.  My husband thinks he told me although he never confirmed anything.  I felt the whole thing intuitively and felt we had reached enabling (cake-eating).  Anyway during that incident he came and  tried to talk to me.  I used that time to plant some seeds since I knew he was going.  For a brief moment tears welled up and he choked out the words "I'm sorry....pause......my actions".  I was detached and made eye contact just listening waiting.  He immediately ate the emotion wiped his tears put on his tough guy mask, said "but" (it is what it is attitude) and continued to put his stuff in the car. 

I've seen no remorse.  In fact he actually showed some remorse for her and the fact that he could of broke up her family.  That was last year BD, it ended for three weeks and reignited,  at this point her family is broken up, he's living at his parents and I am in NC/severe dark. 

They don't apologize because they've stuffed those feelings.  If they felt them they wouldn't be able to continue the affair or the denial.  They must lie to themselves to do what their doing which is incredibly ugly and desperate. 

[Rollercoasterider]

They don't apologize because they've stuffed those feelings.  If they felt them they wouldn't be able to continue the affair or the denial.  They must lie to themselves to do what their doing which is incredibly ugly and desperate.

It is not true that those feelings, such as remorse, cannot coexist with adultery. For some MLCers their feelings are acute...heightened. I don't mean the in-fatuation, I'm talking about the remorse and guilt as well as empathy. Some do not apologize because they have stuffed those feelings, some don't apologize because to do so would be to acknowledge them, thus making them real and once something is real it is much more difficult to deny and avoid.

Some are empathic sponges and in the dysfunctionality of crisis are unable to separate their emotions from their feelings and they are unable to separate them from those of others. For them, attitudes and emotions are contagious. A desperate and needy alienator is a powerful pull because this person seeks an emotionally connective high with which a pathological empath can bond.

[Buggy31]

RCR,
what is the difference btw an emotion and feeling? 
Do you have any information and insight about the dynamics of a crisis when both H and OW are in MLC?  Does it make any sort of difference?

[stillhere]

RCR,
what is the difference btw an emotion and feeling? 
Do you have any information and insight about the dynamics of a crisis when both H and OW are in MLC?  Does it make any sort of difference?

Buggy, I too have wondered about the crisis when the H and OW are in MLC.  I suspect that is the case with the OW in my sitch given her age and the few bits I know about her from my H.  No matter though, I know she is seriously emotionally flawed.  She is "just juice" and comes with a big set of problems and drama of her own. 

[MarkedandHealed]

I suspect my H's OW Is in MLC as well.
It would be fun to start a thread of your H's OW traits and have everyone join in. I know RCR knows many of the traits, but if we get enough participation, we may be able to chart and see what is most common.

[Mermaid]

OW is young (26), perfectionist like H, high achieving, but apart from that, egocentric, manipulative and extremely spoilt. This means she has difficulty in taking other people's point of view.

[Buggy31]

My H other woman is not much younger than he (33) but she looks a lot younger.  She is about 29 or 30.  The little I know of her is that she is/was supposedly married to a violent, abusive husband (she filed) yet not sure the extent of it because I believe she is playing the damsel in distress with him.  He has told me that he thinks she likes him because he's "this stable married man"  (DELUSIONAL).  Anyway she comes from a divorced family herself and has violence in her own family.  SHe has laid low with me and I believe is playing more of an innocent role with him.  He's CLUELESS to the manipulation but I see stuff going on that is passive manipulation.  She is the mother to three children and the sick thing is (and my H has confirmed this with many comments) they bonded with each other about family.  They also have a FANTASY that they'll be hanging out with all six kids my three and her three. 

Her H has told me that it is out of character for her.  That she has always been about family.  That she has only had a few long term boyfriends.  She got pregnant before marriage and that inititated marriage to husband.  He talked about the laughing she does during conversations which really made me think that she's in MLC. 

[Flowerpower]

OW is young, 22....childish, materialistic n egocentric. prob desperate for some attention.  H says she is sweet n perfect n can do no wrong!! she also doesn't see that going on with someone else's H is wrong!!