[Still]

So weird to see current posts to a thread I started in 2010.

My MLC'er seemed to have gotten completely stuck. He has been in crisis for many years. What he thought would make him happy......affair, new car, new house, new job, new life.....none of that made him happy.

He is still miserable and very focused on my life...trying to cause problems for me.

I stepped out of the way, moved on with my life, found out who I was, and quite honestly, I am better than ever. His crisis caused great heartbreak in our lives, but out of the ashes rose good things.

[xyzcf]

Oh my dear Still, I can tell from your wonderful sense of humor when I read your posts on FB how very good you are...will we ever be completely 100% at peace...I don't think I can be because I still hurt about the destruction of our precious family and nothing can give me that back...but like you, I too am learning that there re much worse things in life than having my marriage destroyed.

For I know who I am, I know that I live my life with integrity...this is what matters to me, not his lies, not his cheating, not his superficial attempts at being a "nice" guy, showing the world how "big" he is...no, none of that for me.

Take care!!!! One day we shall have to get together again...just don't tell the border people that you are meeting up with someone you met on the internet . In this day and age, that might not go over so well 

[trusting]

Still!  So good to see you posting.  Sorry to hear your MLCer is still MLCing and causing you problems.  While mine seems to be making progress, it is sloooooooooooooooow and he is still in crisis and still chasing all those things to make him "happy". Good luck to him.  I have wondered if you were seeing any movement at all from yours. 

I agree with XYZ about your FB posts.  Love reading them - you make me laugh.    You and that dog of yours who is no doubt God-sent.

Low energy MLCers may take even longer than the norm to burn through the crisis, in my opinion. 

[MIMIx]

My MLC'er seemed to have gotten completely stuck. He has been in crisis for many years. What he thought would make him happy......affair, new car, new house, new job, new life.....none of that made him happy.

He is still miserable and very focused on my life...trying to cause problems for me.

I stepped out of the way, moved on with my life, found out who I was, and quite honestly, I am better than ever. His crisis caused great heartbreak in our lives, but out of the ashes rose good things.

Still,
Your experience seems to be my future road to walk.  I've pretty much done everything I need to do to navigate this storm.  Its encouraging for me to hear that you have survived and thrived. 

I must say, my H's coming and going in my life is crazy making.  I try to not think of this behaviour being a step toward coming home.  I think he is simply trying to find his new normal...hang on to as much as he can while still feeling free from responsibility.  Some days it feels good to have him around . He helps me with things around the house and this makes life a lot easier.  But the drama, the back and forth, the uncertainty of him just one day vanishing, is hard to take.  I never know what tomorrow will bring.  So,  I just keep reminding myself to not have any expectations.  This helps a lot.

[Thunder]

I've found that Low Energy Micer's move at a snails pace and can be very aggravating.  You just want SOME kind of movement....anything.

Mine is still chugging along since January 2012. 
A few months ago he hit, honestly, what I thought was "rock bottom."  The depression was black and disabling...but he bounced back to my amazement.

He seems less depressed now just in a buying mode.  He shops all the time.  Only sale items or uses coupons and specials but it all the time.  I think he has 10 new pair of running shoes now.  ALL on sale so how could he pass them up?   

I don't see much fantasy pretending anymore.  It's like he has a need to buy things to make himself feel good.  Problem is it only lasts for a little while and then he needs to buy something else.  Oh and he even picks up little things on sale for me too.     He's SURE it's something I really need.  Like my "new" umbrella.  Now I have 3 of them.   

[Still]

Thanks for you responses, XYZ and Trusting. Thanks for the list of who is still here. Interestly, I interact with most of them on FB. Funny how many of us are still friends after all the chaos that forever changed our lives.

I think the low energy MLC'er may be the ones who seem to forever change. Some people go through a midlife crisis and they rip apart the people they vow to love the most and then somehow they come back to their previous values and want to build from there.

My ex-husband is a shell of the man he once was. I don't even care for him. He is childlike and obnoxious and arrogant and entitled. He still finds ways to try to upset me. We share children yet he has blocked me from emails, calls, and texts because I called him out on his affair. He didn't want to hear it and suddenly Still, who always kept silent, told him just how she felt. I have zero regrets on that.

I probably shouldn't even be posting on this forum that I was once so involved and moderating. I don't want my husband to return. I will not ever allow myself to be destroyed in the way that I was. I will never lie on the floor and wish to die to avoid my children's heartbreak of a broken home. I will never be ashamed of who I am because I allowed myself to be a doormat in my own belief that it would bring him home.

I am so happy for all of you who have your spouses return and you're able to move forward. I am no longer at the place where I could move forward with my ex.

I was divorced and lost both my parents in a six month time period. It was a moment of clarification for me. I was pining for someone who didn't want me, while losing two people who loved me unconditionally. That opened my eyes to be own worth. It was then that I knew there would be no going back.

[onlyjo]

Still
This:

He is still miserable and very focused on my life...trying to cause problems for me.

Sums it up for me...
Not sure the MLCer is miserable, but as rainbowgal says
Happy people dont act that way

Have 3 d's though, somit is a built in way for the mlcer to maintain "contact"
His latest tactic-today- is to call me a bully and  that i scare the d's
Project much?
I am tired of his crazy making crap
Have been for years
Glad you came back!
Onlyjo

[Thunder]

Still,

I hope you don't feel you shouldn't be on this forum.  Hey, we need to see how others progress though this.  You're a good example of someone who has come out the other side.
You're important, just as the newbies are.

I think we do gain clarity over the years.  In the beginning you're just a mess.
You sound really good.  I want to be you when I grow up.   

[xyzcf]

Bravo Still for speaking up!!!!!!!

You are right, why do we pine for someone who doesn't care about us. AS someone once said, we need to wrap the love we have for them in a box and put it away on a shelf somewhere.

Each one of us will eventually know when there is a point of no return.

[Still]

Onlyjo,

Not sure the MLCer is miserable, but as rainbowgal says
Happy people dont act that way

I used to think he was happy, but my kids say he is always angry, yells constantly, and seems very unhappy to them. He has been with OW for years. He has aged two decades over the last few years and is very skinny. If that is what happiness looks like, no thank you.

I want to be you when I grow up.

Thunder,

LOL, XYZ and Trusting can confirm that I have not grown up! I am loving life right now. I have the best friends, travel, enjoy my kids to pieces, love my dog (s)  (yep, two now ladies!), and have learned to absolutely love time with alone with me. I feel like a new person in a million different ways.

But the drama, the back and forth, the uncertainty of him just one day vanishing, is hard to take.

MIMIx,

I thought my life would end when he finally packed up and left. Truth is, that was the day my life began. No more eggshells, no more insults, no more treating me like a disease, no more vomiting and crying in the night. I was able to breathe and pull into my driveway with no fear. It was truly liberating.