[Still]

My rule of thumb is:

If the answer to any question has the potential to hurt in any way, DO NOT ASK IT.

[trusting]

That is my rule of thumb, too, Still and has been since the beginning.  Since it is MLC, you are most likely going  to get an answer you don't want to hear.

FWIW, my H is not what I would consider a low energy MLCer but he hasn't done anything around the house for a long, long time.  The last time he did any projects was probably three and a half years ago at least and he used to be always fixing things up, constantly making improvements on the house, and was so proud of the way it was looking.  Now things are literally falling apart around me and I can't fix them all by myself.  I have done what I can and will continue as such. 

[Still]

T,

I certainly would have thought your H was Low-Energy. Out of curiosity, why would you think he isn't?

[trusting]

During replay he was acting out and was really almost manic both in behavior and actions.  I do believe he has had an EA.  He does his share of running now, but it is in the form of working waaaaay too much.  I don't know. 

[Faith]

I wonder how long a low energy MLC'er can go on in roommate mode.  I have seen several here who are in the 2-3 year timeframe.

I've also seen a few here who have noticed their H's persuing them, at least a tiny bit, after they let them go and started getting on with their own lives.  This definitely hasn't been the case with me.  My H seems perfectly happy to have no contact all day and a brief "how was your day" "fine" "good night" whenever he decides to come home in the evening.

I'm really feeling like I want this to end.  I want a shot at a real relationship with someone who actually likes me (maybe even loves me - imagine that!).  I love coming here and feel encouraged after reading how strong and positive you all are, then H comes home with his black cloud and I feel like I can't stand it one more day.  It's tempting to hire a P.I., just to know the truth about what I'm dealing with so I can make an informed decision.  Ugh...just one of those nights I guess.  Tomorrow will be better.

[limitless]

Hi Faith,

I guess that's why they tell us to stop focusing on our spouses and focus on ourselves.
There is no answer to your question.
In the early days - I would go to work and ask my co-worker "how long."  She would tell me that he'd be back  by Christmas and I would cry - I can't wait until Christmas.  (Note - she didn't say WHICH Christmas).

That's why we need to take the focus off our MLCer and put it on ourselves.  My H's journey will take as long as it's going to take.  I have no impact on shortening it (I think that I could only make it longer).  It's possible that he will be stuck in MLC forever.  I have NO control or impact.

Let it go.  Let it be. 

Take care of yourself.  Do something that you have always wanted to do.  Enjoy this time (I know - I also thought that I would not ever be able to smile or laugh again.  I didn't think that food would ever taste good again.  I thought my life was over).

Trust me, it will get better.  It wasn't until I realized that I was only going to be as miserable as I allowed myself to be - that I found that the key was within me to make my life happier - make my life better.

You will be okay.  Every day it will get easier.

L

[Still]

Faith,

The only thing I can say is that you are stronger than you ever imagined....we all are. If you decide that you are going to stand, you will find a way to do so. As limitless said, you HAVE to take the focus off of him and what he is doing. I truly believe the MLC'er is incapable of truly thinking of anyone, but themselves. I am willing to bet he rarely, if ever, gives your feelings much thought.

Sure, it would likely be easier to start fresh with someone new, but we have invested so much time into a relationship we vowed to last until death. I, personally, can't just give up until I know that I have done everything I was called to do with every fiber of my being. I don't feel that I am there yet.

Like so many here, my H was a good, kind, compassionate individual. He cared about others and was passionate about life. The person who comes home now is not that person I have known since he was 16. I know that as much as he has expressed that he doesn't want me, there is something inside of him that still clings to me. He has NEVER verbalized this, but I know this through God's voice or intuition, I just do.

[Faith]

Thank you limitless & Faith.  I need to stop being so whiney.  God must still have lessons for me to learn. 

[Still]

God must still have lessons for me to learn.

There are always more lessons to be learned....it is lifelong. 

[LoveMeMyself]

Faith:

    I just finished reading your posting regarding how you feel like just giving up.  I think we have all been there and done that.  My H and I are divorced (4 months) now and I've struggled so much with this same idea.  Why should I keep waiting?  I know in my heart that I truly love my xH and I feel like he is worth the wait.  I'm so much better now than I was 6 months ago...........it does get better.  I pray constantly.........well, as much as I can.  I sometimes get a little "jealous" when I read here that some H's are starting to come around some but then again everybody is different.  Each MLC'er has a different journey they must take.  It could be that you truly need to start focusing on yourself.  I know it's not easy.........but you can do it.  I don't know which is worse...........being totally separated from H or having them live with us and having to watch/deal with their issues.  Either way it's still very hard.  You will make it though.........just keep trying to focus on yourself.  Let him go.