[trusting]

I see similarities in my H.  He still lives at home.  In other aspects of his life he is also high energy with the workaholism, very driven, etc. and was like that pre-MLC so it is interesting to me that he is a low energy MLCer.  But he most definitely is.  He is moving very slowly through it, smoldering rather than firey (except for very initially).  I did see replay actions but also short, probably only about a year for the worst of it.   

He has been MLCing for probably three years noticeably now.  He seems to cycle between more withdrawal and depression and right now is deeply in both.

[stayingthecourse]

I have been reading the posts here.  I think that my H is also a low-energy type.  He moved out at BD but moved in with his dad.  He moved to his own place a week or so ago - a little more than a year after BD.

I also think he would be a vanisher if we did not have children because he has never wanted to talk about our relationship.  He stated at BD that he was done, that he had been unhappy for years, that he loved me but was not in love with me, that we should never have gotten married, that if we had dated longer we would never have married.  It took me a good month not to get hysterical and cry and plead after BD.  We have never had a conversation about our relationship that he initiated, and when we talked a few days ago he said that there were probably things that we needed to speak the truth about but that some things did not need to be discussed because there was nothing more to be said.

He has admitted to an EA, a couple of months after BD, but no "manic" replay behaviors.  He did reiterate that he still had feelings for OW a few days ago - so far that seems to be the extent of his type of replay behaviors.  His EA is with a married friend of mine.  She is still in her marriage, but H has told her how he feels.  I do not know if they are still in contact.

He did disconnect from the childrent but has started to try to reconnect. He has continued to deposit money in our account, he still keeps me on his insurance, and has stated clearly that he does not want a divorce right now that we need to wait until we are both in a better position ?? to make that type of decision.  There are very few people who know that we are separated.  H has not told anyone, other than a couple of close friends, at his work. 

So, being aware that this may change tomorrow, I think that he is pretty low energy compared to others on the board.

I also don't see really much movement forward from him.  I wonder if living with his 89 year old father in some way slowed him down even more?

STC

[WarriorPriestess]

Hi, I just posted my intro on the board, although I have been reading here for awhile now.  I believe my boyfriend is also a low energy MLCer.

[Still]

Stayingthecourse,

Wow, so much of what you said could have come directly from my Husband. The words they use are often consistent from situation to situation. A low-energy MLC'er just seems to do things at a much slower pace. My h stated he was leaving over two years before he actually did. Though he seems content with his situation of being on his own, he still has many connections to me that could have been separated (accounts, etc.). He never speaks of the relationship and I don't believe there is anyone else in the picture (though we can never really know).

All you can really do is take care of yourself. Keep moving forward in your journey and perhaps, one day, your paths will cross again.

[NvrSayNvr]

Hi OP - where can I get more info on these "low energy MLCer" types?   I've tried a couple of the links in this thread and another, but they don't work (at least not for me).   I think my H is a low energy because he's not into all the crazy antics and does seem pretty depressed (i.e., the first time I've seen him dressed nice, hair combed, shaved, etc. was 1 week ago - gone for 4 months now).    First time he joked with me was yesterday - haven't heard him really laugh since he left either.   I could go on and on, but I'd be curious for more info.

Thank you!  )

[hobo1]

I too believe my xW is a low energy MLCer.  She had an EA, early on prior to BD, but then after that I've seen monster, but not consistent.  I see that she has anger brewing underneath the surface but for the most part she is just quiet and avoids me.

When I was living in the house, all she does was lock herself in the room.  She refused to leave, and was trying to force me to leave, which I did do... She didn't do anything.  Only thing she did actively was call a lawyer, filed for divore, and went through with it.  That's mainly because the lawyers were pushing for her.

After D, she still avoids me and won't talk to me...  when i pick up and drop off the kids, she stands behind the door, and sees me as little as possible... let alone talk.  She won't even respond to texts unless absolutely crucial.

This is 16 post BD.  I don't think her stance has changed for a year....  no cycling.  If we didn't have kids, I also think she would be a vanisher.

[OldPilot]

Updated first post on this thread with links to the blog article and the name change to wallower

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/?p=1023

[HurtSoul]

Wallower with ow...txt affair

[Thunder]

OldPilot,

Tanks for posting that article.
I read that article about a year ago and FINALLY something explained my X.

He was so different from others I read about.  No monster, no ow, no spending crazy...always nice to me.
I believe if I hadn't moved out he wouldn't have either, but we were divorced and I needed to move on with my life.
To me a Low-Energy MLCer lives more in a fantasy life in their head.

He is in depression now and has been for a long time.  He pretty much just works, sleeps and is exhausted all the time.

I DO think it takes them longer to go through the tunnel because they move so slow.  Not burning their way through it like High-Energy MLCers.

[OldPilot]

Bumping this thread up - I am having trouble reading  replies 70-79, there may be some malware on that page so others please be careful.

I want to try it on another computer to see the problem more clearly

Edit - I was able to read this on my phone with no problem but cant seem to read this one page on my computer.

Weird!!