[Still]

I know a few of us on here have what I have heard called the "low energy MLC'er". My understanding is that these MLC'ers are typically the ones who do not leave the home, do not do the crazy spending, have more of a fantasy than an actual uprooting of their life, and seem to be more likely to have an "internal" MLC.

I am curious as to what anyone else has read or experienced.

EDIT: RCR has now renamed this term Wallower
Here is the thread with the discussion about the name
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2399.0

Blog article
http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/?p=1023

Edit - another thread on High vs Low energy
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1301.0
EDIT:
Link back to contact types to register your MLC type
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1530.0
Oldpilot

[Buggy31]

RCR has referred to my MLCer as a "low-energy type".  Basically, he shows signs of overt depression throughout the crisis but not the liminality that is a stage.  His behaviors are just very depressive.  He never spent a lot, never did any crazy partying or risky behavior.  He has been carrying on an EA which started 18 months ago.  He was home for about a year after BD April 09 and BD again in April 10 this time saying he wanted to leave. He has displayed some antics since leaving but they are mostly aimed at me and are kept secret.  Nothing to crazy.  So him and OW are still quiet.  This could change as he progresses but I don't know.  Other people might not see it as MLC but I see the children, monster, script and cycling. 

[Still]

Interesting, Buggy. Thank you for your input. Yes, RCR first mentioned that I had a low energy MLC in a conversation I had with her well over a year ago.

She told me that he may leave, but that all of his behaviors indicate a "low energy MLC'er". I wonder if they are more likely to have an EA, than a PA.

[Rollercoasterider]

You may want to review Amazing's thread in the Coaching Archives also.
 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=13.0;all


EDIT
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OldPilot

[OldPilot]

I am certain that my W is low energy also.
Her replay antics were mostly spewing and rewritten history.
Everything else is just plain depression.
No excessive spending, in fact exactly the opposite of that an obsession about money in general.
No risky behavior.
Very secretive and  some lying.
I agree with Buggy as hard to see as MLC but when all get said and done I am sure it is.

[StillStanding]

This sounds a lot like what my wife is going through as well. There was the EA, and the spewing and rewritten history.

I've known that she was looking for places to live, but tonight was a surprise to me -- more that she told me, pretty much out of the blue; she's talked about leaving or running away on several occasions.

Of course, we're nearing our 10th anniversary, and a year from the bomb drop. Her 34th birthday is in a week as well.

[Still]

Wow, so much about Amazing's story is so similar to mine. It seems like even though there are so many similarities with MLC'ers, there are also numerous subcategories.

Thanks for drawing that to my attention, RCR.

[OldPilot]

Still that is a good question, how many subcategories of MLC are there(I would say according to RCR) and what are they?

[Purple stain]

My H is also low-energy MLC. no excessive spending or affair just the need for lots of space, individual time. Just found out that he wants to travel, see places. First time I've heard of this! And I reacted the wrong way...oh well, I'm back on track.

[BraveNewWorld]

My wife has been low energy so far, but I have a feeling that things are going to change soon. After her emotional affair she told me that she just wanted space. Then came the monster and the negativity, the 10 years of crappy marriage, the 'I was mentally ill when I married you'. Then more space.

I feel in some ways that space was the wrong thing to give her - but truth is that it doesn't really matter what I do or did. She used the space and time to emotionally disconnect. To do what I should be doing and detach. As the weeks and months progressed she became more detached until now it feels like she has only resentment for me. She is being really careful to not engage me at the moment.

She has been spending more money. Her brilliant OM told her to make her own account - it's the 21st century. So she did and we proportionately divided our bills and income. She spends money on clothes and make up. Dresses in clothes that late teens/early 20 year olds would wear. Some things look good, other things just don't work for her.

She changes her story about things pretty routinely. Isn't too reliable. Disconnected from the kids too at first, but has improved her relationship with them. Still doesn't help in the mornings or at bedtime though.

Earlier today I noticed that she had looked for a mediation lawyer in our web history ... so it seems like the low energy might be coming to an end after 16 months. The low energy, stay at home MLC really changed after her trip to the UK.

I'm not cut out for the rejection and my brain almost hurts sometimes in trying to understand it all.

I have a question. What do non MLC divorces look like? Are they similar?