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Author Topic: MLC Monster Why Stand?

M
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MLC Monster Re: Why Stand?
#100: April 24, 2014, 11:17:07 AM
Quote from: Mermaid on April 24, 2014, 07:47:27 AM
The truth is that I was a clinger. Many of us cling to who and what we know. (It's the cause of a lot of pain, and one of the 4 noble truths of Buddhism, a philosophy of life that I consider very wise).

 In my case, the truth was that I didn't want a life without H. I had given up literally everything to be with him; job, home, culture, language, country... I gained a lot too, but without him I didn't know who I was or what my life was about. I know I am not the only one, but I didn't have my family around to return to.

And then, when I was at my deepest point of despair (those moments when we want the earth to open and swallow us whole, with all our pain and anger with us), I suddenly felt a voice within saying "he still loves you really".

I am not religious, but it felt almost divine. What was it really? Wishful thinking? Intuition?

It kept me going.

Mermaid, I can so relate to your post.  I was always so independent, probably one of the things that attracted my h to me in the first place.  But now I'm a clinger, as you put it.  His children and family have become my family and now I am so lost without them. I too have heard that voice in my darkest moments telling me it will be okay and he will come back.

Thank you for sharing your story.
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The very purpose of our life is happiness, which is sustained by hope. We have no guarantee about the future, but we exist in the hope of something better. Hope means keeping going, thinking, ‘I can do this.’ It brings inner strength, self-confidence, the ability to do what you do honestly, truthfully and transparently.  The Dalai Lama

SSG

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  • If you're going through hell, keep going. W.C.
Re: Why Stand?
#101: April 24, 2014, 12:01:19 PM
I too had become a clinger....I gave up my career, home, language, culture and country. 

Before I found this forum and the ideology of standing.... I had decided at BD I would not divorce him.

Before I moved to Germany I was very independent, never relied on a partner for support, etc.  I have changed in the last 17 years....

Since BD...I have finally gotten mentally stronger, seeing glimpses of the old me.  Wish H was still around to see it, it was what attracted him to me in the first place...the strength, the independence...  I had made him my world, suffered after BD because of it.

I understand a lot of what transpired to get H to the place he is at now.  I understand the motives of OW (was friends with her several years, know her history)

I know in my heart, inside the alien which has taken H over, he still loves me. 
I will not give up.  So happy to have found this forum.

SG
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Even if you are the minority of one, the truth is the truth.   Mahatma Ghandi

Together-17 years
M- 15 Yrs
BD- June 24, 2013
Affair began May 2012
moved in with OW August 2013
Aug 2014, H diagosed with terminal cancer
H filed for divorce Sept 2014
H Died 3 March, 2015
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