[OnMyJourney]

The other interesting thing from Anne Sheffield's book is it says "Moving forthrightly toward divorce frightens depression sufferers...sitting on the fence seems safer.  Manipulation allows them to stay there, and they count on partners to opt for even a brief ray of hope.  This explains why depressed partners talk about but shrink from initiating divorce proceedings."

Now I know that this isn't true for all on this Board as some of you are D...so maybe it is the MLC part makes some run faster and further??

OMJ

[Rebel Yell]

I don't mean to sound ugly here but have you all read the articles on the home page?

[LoveMeMyself]

OnMyJourney,

I never mentioned depression to my exH. It was him that told me he was "ill" and that I should run as far away from him as possible. He was in a lot of emotional pain.....I could see the panic and turmoil twisting around his mind. Before I found this forum I did tons of research....as I'm sure we all did.....I found some information regarding MLC. It was several pages of questions to be answered by the person experiencing this (MLC) thing.  There was a point score at the end and it the person scored in a certain point range then they were more likely having an MLC. Anyway, I printed it out and gave it to my husband. I begged him to read it.  A few weeks later I asked him about it. He told me he "failed" miserably.....especially the depression part. Then he asked me why women don't experience this "thing". I felt for sure that I had my answer and knew then that it was MLC for sure. So, throughout this entire experience my exH has grasped onto the diagnosis of depression as his only problem. I have mentioned MLC to him a few times but he snapped at me and said no. I even gave him Conway's book. I stopped bringing it up and didn't mention it for a while. I've only brought it back up once more a few months ago. He made no comment. So, not sure what to advise you as to what to do. Just thought I'd share my experience with you.

Thanks for starting this discussion. I think it's good to get thoughts and experiences from everyone here.

Take care.

[OnMyJourney]

Thanks Rebel Yell -   I'm not hearing ugliness

I've been reading RCR's articles for over 2 years ... over and over.  Maybe I'm in the fog, now

Would you direct me to the specific one(s) that you think I would benefit from reading.

[Anjae]

MLC starts with depression and unrest. JAG, you’re wrong, my husband has been depressed (what we can call normal depression) twice before MLC depression. He knew he had become depressed, a third time, before BD and leave. MLC happens to men that know depression can happen to them.

Shortly, MLC usually takes the form of covert depression (for those who go through Replay) while normal depression is normally overt. A man (or woman) in severe overt depression is not going to run anywhere. They’re lucky if they manage to move out of the bed. Many times MLC becomes similar to Bipolar disorder, MCLers haev several Bipolar Disorder traits but they are not really Bipolar.

RCR articles on the main page and the several ones here, on the fix threads, under: Resources on MLC, will provide further and more detailed insight into MLC.

[moc]

sassy you said: I agree, MLC is a severe form of clinical depression.  There is an overwhelming need to run in depressed men, whereas women tend to shut down...OK, so at first I read this ALL WOMEN...my bad...my wife did shut down for a few weeks and then RAN!  And ran, and ran and ran.  Still running to this day.  Rarely settles and takes responsibility for her children.  So unless you count that she has shut down to me and the kids, she runs.  No ugliness, just my observation on my sitch.

angelgirl you said: women, in general, are more likely to identify that they are feeling "blue" and are less likely to be embarrassed by it and seek help...OK, here is the realization when you said IN GENERAL.  My wife tried to seek help twice in the past 16yr for her childhood issues but gave up.  The therapist would ask how she was doing that day and wifey would say fine.  Not try to really draw out her issues.  So wifey gave up.  This is typical for her as she rarely finishes what she starts.

onmyjourney I like what you said here: The other interesting thing from Anne Sheffield's book is it says "Moving forthrightly toward divorce frightens depression sufferers...sitting on the fence seems safer.  Manipulation allows them to stay there, and they count on partners to opt for even a brief ray of hope.  This explains why depressed partners talk about but shrink from initiating divorce proceedings."...I do hold onto this as sort of a constant.  Wifey has mentioned this a lot in the first 6mo after BD but never moved on it.  Still hasn't moved on it after us being separated for 2 months now.  I know when or if she mentions it to me again, she will have OM.  I am not stupid and she can go for it.  She has no money to do it so she can live in her own filth and sin.  This was very profound to me, thank you.

[kikki]

Have you read the Depression signs in MLC?

Apparently the person who wrote this works in the mental health field, and adapted the commonly known signs and symptoms of depression to the MLC scenario that she observed with her H and others going through this.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2177869

[OnMyJourney]

Kikki -  That's a great list! Thanks for posting it.

OMJ

[JAG]

kikki,

Thank you so much for that website.  I have read it only once....but I am about to print it so that I can re-read and re-read.  As I read down all those points I just kept smiling and nodding my head.  Smiling because it was as if I had written those words.  Almost every point on that list my H has hit.  Funny side note....I spoke to his best friend yesterday via skype and he saw me on video.  The first thing out of his mom "wow, you look great!".  He repeated that a couple of times and then said "I am sure inside you are not great, but you sure look great".  I said thank you....and then he continued and in a chuckle stated "when I ask H how he finds you , he says you look tired"....I then chuckled and said "well, I think he is the one that looks exhausted and not very put together...and of course I am a little tired....raising two children on my own is not a walk in the park".  Can you say projection from my H? He feels awful so he has to project how he feels onto me....classic!

[kikki]

It's a great list isn't it.  I printed it out months ago, and read it every couple of months or so. Think most of us can relate to nearly every MLC depression sign on that list, sadly.

Jag - we sure do get exhausted by this whole thing, but my MLCer looks like he's aged 20 years.  Scary stuff.