[Azioni]

I saw this and thought...yes! yes! yes! yes!.... So I decided to open up the floor to them.  Feel free to post your own.

" It bothers me I only learned after my husband’s affair that the biggest vulnerability was believing that infidelity would never happen to us. I thought if you love one another and enjoy each other, your spouse will never stray. I thought that true love meant there would never be deception. I believed my husband would never be involved sexually with another woman because he was so physically, emotionally and intellectually attracted to me. I believed that we shared the same values and morals and that meant lies, cheating and adultery did not exist in our lives.

It bothers me that I cannot escape the incessant conversation in my head about my husband’s affair. Remember before your D-Day and you could live in each moment of your day? I remember the happiness I felt and the way I loved my husband without thought. Now my brain is running 24/7 with questions, fears, anxieties, mistrust and loathing. All qualities I now hate about myself. Even if I feel a moment of happiness, I then start to think about my new normal–being aware of happiness despite my inner pain and struggle. The roller coaster conversation in my brain is exhausting. I hate driving in the car alone and talking to myself about the aftermath of his infidelity.

It bothers me that my husband’s character is marred and our marriage is scarred. No matter how we come out of this mess, the story remains in our lives. She becomes part of our marriage–the person who challenged us to love each other and strengthen our marriage? Or the person who destroyed it? At this point, I believe we will make it through. We love each other and my husband is doing the work and trying to live an honest life true to his beliefs and values. He is exploring his weaknesses and how he ended up in a situation he did not want to be in with this woman. But regardless of what he learns, the story remains the same.

It bothers me that I have to talk about this $hit every f*cking day. Seriously. If I don’t talk about my feelings and fears with my husband then they take on a life of their own. It pisses me off that this Bat-$hit Crazy woman has one second of a thought in my brain. People I hate should not take up space in my mind. Why do I continue to brainstorm ideas of how I could screw up her life? Why am I such a good person that I will never carry them out. I believe in karma and I don’t want any bad karma in my life. I am hoping that some day it will end. This affair will not define me, my husband or our marriage. But right now, it feels like a shadow I cannot escape.

I could keep going but I am exhausted just thinking about my list of frustrations. "

(((HUGS)))

Azioni

[stayed]

It bothers me that for the rest of my life, I will never again say to myself, "my h would never do that"!  I was so confident in my h's love for me.  It bothers me that I know what it feels like to be betrayed by somebody I trusted with my life, my love, my heart.  I trusted him so completely and now, if he is late coming home from work, I cannot rule out that he might be BETRAYING me with somebody else, because I know that he has in the past.  It it not outside the realm of possibility. 

Passing the baton...

hugs Stayed

[offmyrocker]

It bothers me that... my now exH made my children and I another statistic of divorce. That even though Ive shown my loyalty and love during all of his absolute crazyness... He chose destroy every part of anything we had ever built together so that he can live in a drunken stupor with a woman who is as toxic as he has allowed himself to become.

It bothers me that...  my children have nothing left to what a father is and should be. That they have been hurt my someone who once claimed to love them more than himself. That he still is trying to wedge that 'woman' into their lives and gets angry because they don't accept her and most likely never will. That he is still giving her that kind of control. That he is unwilling to for one moment to put his children's feelings first.

It bothers me that... He doesn't see the pain he's caused.

[Ready2Transform]

Wow...lots of head nodding reading these!  Even without reconciliation of any sort, so much of it still fits.  I remember readytofixmyselffirst summing it up along the lines of "not feeling special anymore", and that has stuck with me as a really appropriate way to describe this feeling.  I resent having to be distracted from my own freedom to carry the burden of his limitations.

[stayed]

I resent having to be distracted from my own freedom to carry the burden of his limitations.

Oh man... this really hit me! 

This is a great thread, looking forward to seeing what REALLY BOTHERS others!

hugs Stayed

[Finding Hope]

It bothers me that I have given 26 years to a man that doesnt think Im worthy.

It bothers me that I believed everything he ever told me just to find out that alot of it wasnt true.

It bothers me that he has set me on this path and I seem to be getting to the end faster.

It bothers me that I have had to learn to live my life for myself (well, that part doesnt bother me that much). 

It bothers me that I MIGHT become a statistic of divorce.

It bothers me that my children may have the stigma of "children from a broken home".

Actually EVERYTHING about MLC bothers me.

It bothers me that there are alot of wonderful people here that deserve alot better.

FH

[Finding Hope]

OH, and one more thing.

It bothers me that Im almost 56.....................................
FH

[stayed]

OH, and one more thing.

It bothers me that Im almost 56.....................................
FH

Hehehehe!  hugs Stayed

[kindler]

it bothers me that.... he put so much energy in trying to make affair work, but not interested in making "us" work.  So much thought and planning and secrets, strategy into a person who would toss him out in a blink. 

it bothers me that..... I put so much energy and time into a 30 year marriage and he seems to have spent his time on how to get out of the marriage...

It bothers me that ....I can't tell when he's lying....and I have no way to know if he's telling the truth....

[Mitzpah]

When I first read this on your other thread, this really resonated with me:

" It bothers me I only learned after my husband’s affair that the biggest vulnerability was believing that infidelity would never happen to us. I thought if you love one another and enjoy each other, your spouse will never stray. I thought that true love meant there would never be deception. I believed my husband would never be involved sexually with another woman because he was so physically, emotionally and intellectually attracted to me. I believed that we shared the same values and morals and that meant lies, cheating and adultery did not exist in our lives.

What also bothers me is how my children have been affected, how their innocence and happy, carefree existence was ripped from them, how their views of marriage, love and trust were just - shattered...

It bothers me that so many people in our families and around us have been so affected by this 

It bothers me that I want to be in a marriage and I am facing the possibility of never being married again.