[superdog]

I have a question about how your parents interact with your mlcer.

Unfortunately my mum has taken to handing the children over outside her house. My h has mentioned this a few times now and it clearly bothers him.

Previously me parents had a lot of time for my h but unavoidably they have seen the devastation we have been through.

Two things. I can't make my mum allow anyone in her home she doesn't want there but I will broach it with her. She is PA too in her own way.

I asked h do you want me to ask her why. His response was " it is how it is there is a reason for it and there is nothing I can do about it". Not taking responsibilty.

I guess their relationship with our parents is just another consequence for them to deal with.

Just interested to know of this in other's sitch's.

Sd
X

[Ready2Transform]

My dad loves Hoss, but he has no trust for him.  The one time since BD that he has seen him, my dad was cordial, but I know he wouldn't allow him in his house, either.  It is a consequence, for sure. 

[DCD]

my parents were so proud of their son in law - a good man with a well-respected job.  he would often bring cigars when we would go visit so he and my dad could sit out and have a puff.  my mom would always ensure that he got his proper meals and special breakfasts.

they were devastated by this.  my father had a very hard time, as he is not one who is overly emotional, but he felt betrayed personally and hugely saddened for me.  my mother was much more verbal about the betrayal but was very civil to him.  my dad would leave anytime husband would show up to pick up or drop off our son during summer and school break visits.  eventually, so did my mom.  it was often left to my sister, who could pretend to be pretty clueless and indifferent about stuff to hand off son to his dad (not an insult, by any means, just to say that she was perfect for this kind of exchange).  things warmed during his attempted return but then went boobies up again when it was found that he never stopped seeing his ow. 

my parents and my inlaws weren't super close but mil and fil did feel the need to visit my parents and apologize for their son.  my parents said the embarrassment was palpable.  in laws still aren't fully engaged with their son and it does really seem like efforts aren't being made on either side.  ugh...

at any rate, if they are somehow forced to interact, as in drop off and pick up, you can count on my dad not being there, my mom likely not being there, depending if she can move fast enough  bad knees, and most likely my sister there with big baby blues going "huh? oh! right...here for son, aren't you?" and that about sums it up after 20 years of being family 

[Slow Fade]

My Father is deceased and my Mom lived with us at BD. She has helped care for our S10 since he was born. She is concerned about how it would be if he came back. I think she is scared. She retreats to her room when H comes over. Very sad. She is very angry and would like to speak her mind.

Time will tell......

[Magnite38]

It's early yet since BD but my mom cycles with me.  She hates him, feels sorry for him, disappointed, confused...you name it.  I think she is very emotional right now and would most likely cry In his presence.  I think tho she will try to be nice if she sees him, h will avoid at all cost.

My dad works for h, so he is stressed 24/7, thinking the OW (h's assistant) will try to get rid of him.  Dad works in one of h's companies that is not in the same office but has to talk with him almost weekly.  H tries to avoid dad and doesn't answer many of the emails.  My dad has to try to get answers else where, frustrating.  Right now it is business only and just tries to leave emotions out of it.

I think both of them would be accepting of h if he were ever to recover and admit his crisis.  My brothers on the other hand..maybe not.

[everhopeful]

My entire family is full on embroiled in this drama and, though it is my fault, I hate it! I kept the affair a secret from my side of the family until the day h told me he wanted a divorce. Then I told my mom, dad, brother and sister in law. At that point, my mother refused to speak with H's family anymore. She says she just can't hold her tongue. I feel very bad about this, and have tried to discuss it with her several times, like "it's not like they support his decisions", but she feels the way she feels. Since we've been talking more and more about the potential for our marriage ultimately working out, my h has mentioned this--feeling that my family hates him. A good friend of mine summed it up thusly: "well, a heartfelt apology would go a long way." He's nowhere near being able to do that.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

It's tragic.  My H didn't grow up close with his own mother.  He and my mother got along great instantly and became very close and had a lot of fun just doing things together, and talking regularly.  He remarked many times over the years how he'd felt closer to my mother than his.  Enter MLC.  The first "casualty" was when she'd closed her facebook account due in part to my H's angry often incoherent postings.
They stopped calling each other.  Our Christmas get-together was strained, to say the least.  She's told me several times she intends to tell him off one day, and the most recent "warning" was late last month after I'd told her his divorce from me is final.  Someday she might do it but I hope not.  Their relationship was really sweet.
It's something I hope can be repaired if Mr. Wed and I ever actually get re-wed lol.
There's no telling, though.  When someone's hurt your child, forgiving gets difficult.

[I believe in angels]

Not that my h comes into contact with my parents, if he has to pick the boys up from there, yeah he honks the car horn.  MY dad is angry and disappointed with him so i think that he would defo not be allowed in the house. My mom would let him and be cordial but if he dared say anything negative about me, he would get get it full force thrown back at him.  THe last time she did that was two years ago and he hasnt bothered since.

My dad and mom are different, my dad will support his girl (me) before anyone but my mom although she would come out on my side, she could be persuaded quite easily not to.  Love her to bits though.x

[superdog]

Wow, every story is pretty similar and not surprisingly. If any man treated my daughter this badly I don't know what I would do. Don't even want to think about it actually.

My dad has no contact with him at all and stays out of even the shortest interactions. I think he does not trust himself not to let rip.

I agree that I should not have shared as much as I did but I needed my parents at that time. However, I know that if my h ever goes to them and is genuinely remorseful for the things he has done the damage could be vastly limited. I don't think they will ever think the same of him again though.

My h seems on the surface to just swallow this down, but knowing him as I do the fact that people think so badly of him will be eating away at his insides. The whole nothing I can do about it etc is a denial, defence mechanism.

I have resisted the urge to try and fix any of that situation as it is not my damage to repair. It's his problem at the end of the day and just one more thing to add to his list of things he has to deal with. It's really no wonder they run from all this, even the sanest of people would see the enormity of the challenge of getting others even remotely back on side. They really do ruin their own lives.

SD
x

[Still Kicking]

At first I was inclined to say that it's the consequence of his behavior but then I remembered there is a child involved.  Will it harm the child to see his father treated as a second class citizen?   I don't have children but I am from a divorce plus see how some of my friends let their bitterness spill over onto the relationship the children have with the other parent.  The kid knows they are half their father so when they hear bad things about their father then they can feel that they are half bad, too, or destined to follow in bad footsteps.  I think in decisions like these, it is good to consider what would be best for the child, too.