[Rollercoasterider]

I just looked in my files and found an article I last looked at in May on the Replay and Alienator topic. I even found some of the same phrases I used above! But I think working my thoughts through here helped to clarify. In May I was still uncertain as to how this could be given what Liminality is, I had not considered Limbo as part of that yet--and though I knew it, I had not verbalized to myself that the depression of the In-Betweens (those stuck in Limbo) is not Liminality.

It was a few years ago that I wrote about Replay not equaling Liminality as I watched a particular MLCers. I've seen others, but one in particular was striking and after awhile I wrote a little paragraph to add to my Liminality article about what I then called the Living Dead. I've since removed it because I took it and expanded it into the present series in the Newsletter--chaning the term Living Dead to Lost Souls.

I am going to work on this article for an upcoming issue--I think I only have an article for section 3 planned for the next issue and thus I need something and this may be good timing. It may also tie into what I've been writing for section 2...and I need more articles for the next issues for that section also and this may have given me more to say.

Everything is still jumbled in my brainstorms right now, but this is why I love this forum!

[OldPilot]

But this is why I love this forum!

If you don't love it we are in MAJOR trouble! 

[Butterfly]

Exactly! This forum is a Godsend.

[Trustandlove]

Although at some point we need to ask ourselves whether we are simply passing judgment on a lifestyle choice. Are we casual or intimate observers? What we see is only part of the story.
 

But he has not shown significant (or any?) signs of reflection.

I've been reflecting (or perhaps grinding) on this today; if I've understood correctly, for it to be a lifestyle choice there would have to be that reflection?  Or is that something that just "happens" if Replay behaviours just keep going for years and years. 

[mercury]

RCR -- the living dead is perfect title already, I like to refer to mine as zombie <name>, I know that is not sweetheart but it a tad better then the other name I use sometimes.  I felt in the beginning (being that I love horror) that he was just a walking corpse and his behavior to me was devilish.  Until reasonly I felt like a lost soul, but I can see why you changed the name. 

I can so pictures ows/oms shooting up in drug houses.

What does this mean to us with vanishers, there is no way for us to know if the mlcer made a decision and that is that.  I know we are suppose to be living our lives as if they aren't coming back, and with a vanisher we are already doing that but we are still all basically waiting on them.  We can always stop at any time we choose, and as the months go by and ow still around there is nothing but faith for us to hold on to.  And for me faith fading.  The more I read, the more I learn, I've concluded that vanisher are weak, pure runners, imbrassed, and scared but maybe they just already made up their minds and they are gone for good. 

[hurt01]

Mercury ,
You seem to always be thinking the same thing I am.

And it will be 1 year next month since BD , Affair has been going on 1 1/2 yrs ( at minimum ) and H has been living with OW 11 mo . Is this still considerd early in the crisis?

[mercury]

hurt01 I know we are in the same sinking boat.

I'm one year, 2 months since BD, not sure how long affair has been going on, my guess is 10 months, living together a little over 4 months.  I'd like to say no that we aren't early in the crisis but we are. 

[OldPilot]

Bumping this up for watching and waiting.

This is the discussion we had so far.

Hope this helps.

[HeartsBlessing]

The "BOMB DROP" is the beginning of the nightmare for the LBS; but it is NOT the beginning of the crisis for the MLC'er.

The MLC'er will have been within the crisis for some time BEFORE the Bomb Drop that sends the LBS scrambling to change things to the tune of the MLC'er's litany "It's ALL your fault we are in this mess!"

The Bomb drop also marks the beginning of an awareness within the LBS that something is very wrong...it is also the start of the battle within the LBS; fighting for normalcy within a NOT SO normal situation.

When people tell you that it's time to change; the LBS fights this; why?  Because UNTIL they get some kind of understanding of what's happening; they go through the definition of insanity several times....trying to do the same thing, expecting different results.

What is the hardest to understand is the fact that YOU, the LBS cannot "fix" this; the MLC'er is the one who has to fix it...it is all about them; and not at all about you; regardless of how much blaming and justifying they may try and do in regards to their own actions toward the LBS and the MLC'er's marriage as a whole.

Even after you gain some understanding; there is much more to learn; but it is mostly about YOU; and what you can fix within yourselves.

The Bomb Drop is generally a "wake up" call to the LBS; and the result of that is the LBS Journey that is taken ONCE the LBS understands what they MUST do in order to get through THEIR part of what was wrong within their marriage/relationship.

I was talking to my sister earlier; I'd not had contact with her for some time....I have been finding out in bits and pieces that her first husband(she is divorced and is now remarried to a wonderful man); is deep within his crisis, and has been for around 6 years; he's still within the Replay with a vengeance; drinking himself half to death, doing cocaine and other drugs and he'd tried to kill her several times...that was why she threw him out.

At this point in time; he's finally gotten another woman because my sister won't take him back under ANY circumstances; once he'd hit her, he'd crossed a line NO ONE should cross, and he's come to several realizations so far; but still hasn't moved forward within the tunnel.

What I cannot get her to understand is the journey she must take; she is trying to understand what happened to this first husband; and I'm having a very hard time getting through to her.

I've sensed that she's going through a transition, herself; but doesn't see it; and her short term memory is damaged at the moment....she had totally forgotten the conversation we'd had before on this subject.

I know Son told me that it was a 'waste' when one doesn't "get it"..but I told him that sometimes you just have to keep trying; you will know when to give it all up. 

She says her first husband acts just like a "little kid"  "hides" from his son(who is almost 21); and she made some graphic references to something her son said....apparently he could hear his dad and the girlfriend having sex one night as he was spending the night with his dad....asked his mother(my sister) how many times a day had they had sex before he told her what he'd heard the last time he'd spent the night there.

She let him know this was a subject she would NOT answer him on...that was NONE of his business.

You know, my own son has never asked me that; and I don't think he ever will; that would certainly be a "taboo" subject...too personal for words.

After I could find my tongue, LOL! I was explaining that they have "highs" and "lows" due to some hormonal changes; she wanted to know if he had become "nympho"..and I explained that that extreme doesn't last for long before the bottom is reached once again.

She says he talks about this woman like a dog; calls her bad names to my sister; yet the woman cooks for him; cleans house; and has sex with him.

She has also remarked on how "OLD" he looks; he's my age, and my sister is 41.

He has told my sister he is "still in love" with her; and I let her know right quick that the typical MLC'er doesn't KNOW what love truly is...this is within the place they are within the tunnel.

He has also told her that her remarriage was "illegal" in the eyes of God; that my sister was still married to HIM; he's not recognizing their divorce, wanting to still control what she does.....I told her that if he ever says something like that to her again; let him know that when he got this woman he's with; and he got her BEFORE my sister remarried, that due to adultery; HE has already put the marriage asunder.

I advised her to cut contact with him completely; she says she has.

Anyway; I've done a great deal of listening today; trying to get her to understand that it is possible that he may not ever come out of this; and since he'd attacked her physically several times; she'd done the best thing she could do, and that was leave him.

She's comfortable with her decisions; but I sense she's trying to understand this; and she still doesn't get what I'm trying to tell her.....I believe she is also suffering from PTSD, and that can cause short term memory lapses, as well as an unhealthy focus on what has been done to her.

I could counsel and help her;  I understand where she is; but she is so emotionally all over the place; I'm not sure I can do her much good; I'm praying on the situation for the Lord to guide me as I need to step with her.

Lord's it's been crazy around here; I'm currently at home; inherited a little chihuahua named Bandit from my husband as he's showing signs of allergy; so, I will have a tiny running mate within my truck.

Much love to you all; I think I hijacked the thread with what I've said later on about my sister....but here's another that started through the crisis; divorced her husband because of physical abuse; has now remarried..and is STILL having trouble from him.

Have a good one.

[mercury]

HB
 
I am sorry to hear about your sister.  If there is physical abuse, I believe that  you get out permanently.  I use to believe if there was solid mental abuse you should get out too, but I can't say that anymore since I haven't.  We come to this website for help, we read and in the beginning we don't want to accept but in time, we do. She will accept when she is ready.