[rover77]

I just like the occasional affirmation from outside our little club...and the words of wisdom aren't for us..they are for those on the precipice.

[xyzcf]

Thanks Rover for sharing that.

Although the time frames are not as extreme as what we are seeing, the issues are dead on. And, like everything else I have ever read, it seems like eventually the mid life crisis burns itself out and they may want to be home again.

I think that the more different authors who address this issue and the more similarities there are in their findings is very helpful in verifying what we read and hear else where.

[Tsunami]

Beautiful post Finding Hope!

[Finding Hope]

Hello T, missed you.

FH

[Songanddance]

Sorry I'm going to be contentious here and say that I found that article a little patronising in places with a few sweeping statements that did not serve to reassure me at all.
Here's four for starters:-

The never married .. "Also among these singles are many homosexuals"  What

The men and women who say, "All the good ones are married", aren't just letting off steam. When you look at the numbers, you realize the grain of truth behind what they're saying.

Do abusive relationships, addictive adultery etc fall into this category?

The overall concept based on the film Scenes from a marriage and "Ruth" suggesting that if you don't take your MLCer back then you will end up lonely and unmarried.

After a few years, you simply lose interest in contemplating your midlife crisis, and you move on to more worthwhile topics.

MLC is not something that the MLCer "loses" interest in. The above comment makes the process seem whimsical and just something you pick up like a hobby that you stop because it gets boring.


Talking of  hobbies....Hobbies are not always something that you start at midlife.. My H's rather expensive hobbies (flying and sailing) have been with him since I met him - he just chose to spend that time with someone else. We also shared other hobbies which TBH since BD have kept me going.

Sorry - whilst there are some good points here re the destruction of the family - I am not particularly taken with this article. That's my personal opinion.
However, I do recommend that it is read so that it adds to inform - that's the beauty of all the articles, podcasts and websites we share on here; they help inform us and help us to make better decisions.

[Anjae]

For me the article is simplistic. The person who wrote it seems to think it is possible to address those, like Rover put it, on the precipice. If it was none of us would be here. Also, stating that MLC lasts 1-3 years and then it is over, or that in 1 year the person in crisis realises what they have done and gets its act together is simplifying something that is much more difficult and complex. Let alone stating that it only happen to those in their forties.

After what you wrote, Songanddance went back and reread the article.

The never married .. "Also among these singles are many homosexuals"  What

Right, what?... Plus, some people never marry but have a lifelong partner. Also, is the person who wrote the article unaware of same sex marriages?...

The men and women who say, "All the good ones are married", aren't just letting off steam. When you look at the numbers, you realize the grain of truth behind what they're saying.

Do abusive relationships, addictive adultery etc fall into this category?

Probably...

The overall concept based on the film Scenes from a marriage and "Ruth" suggesting that if you don't take your MLCer back then you will end up lonely and unmarried.

Since Scenes from a Marriage is a film directed by Bergman, a man that married 5 times and end up divorced 4 (his fifth wife died) and was a certified cheater, it is a little odd to use him and one of his films/TV series in an article about the defense of family. I had to re-watch Scenes from a Marriage to my Scandinavian Film and Television course. If I remember correctly the two main characters remarry other people. At least in the series version they do.

After a few years, you simply lose interest in contemplating your midlife crisis, and you move on to more worthwhile topics.

MLC is not something that the MLCer "loses" interest in. The above comment makes the process seem whimsical and just something you pick up like a hobby that you stop because it gets boring.
[/quote]

Yes, it does make the process seem whimsical. But the same happens with  Jung's theory of self, separation, rebirth and reintegration. If one reads it, it is beautiful. I knew Jung's theory but never in a million years thought it translate to what we deal with.

No hobbies are not something one only starts at midlife but it is true some MLCer pick totally new dead expensive or insane hobbies.

[Searching4Answers]

No hobbies are not something one only starts at midlife but it is true some MLCer pick totally new dead expensive or insane hobbies.

Does the OW count as a hobby? totally new, dead expensive and insane!

[Thunder]

Finding hope,

This is only the second time in 3 1/2 years that I read something that made sense to me.  Thank you

I have read and read and read everything I could about MLC.
My X was always so different from most I couldn't relate to the things I read from other people.  He was never nasty or mean or found an ow, but his words and actions were very similar.
He had the script down in many ways but still was different.

I found an article about Low-Energy MLCers about a year ago and I FNALLY could relate to something.
It fit him like a glove.  His crisis was more of a fantasy.  He saw his fantasy life as real.  (hard to explain).

Anyway, all that you said in your posted response was very valuable to me.
My X found it very important to divorce me and attain his "freedom" but he has yet to enjoy it. 

I have changed so much over this time.  I have gained strength and like who I have become. 
My life is fuller now. 
I spend time with my X now and see he is happy to be with me.  His fantasy life is getting farther and farther down the road, even though he clings to it.

I still love him but I now know if he chooses to keep going down the path he chose 3 plus years ago I will be ok.  I'm not waiting any more.

So thank you for our post.

[Finding Hope]

Thunder,

Look at me growing up. Good to hear from you.

FH

[Anjae]

No hobbies are not something one only starts at midlife but it is true some MLCer pick totally new dead expensive or insane hobbies.

Does the OW count as a hobby? totally new, dead expensive and insane!

Of course! 

Thunder, some MLCers do not show the signs most MLCers exhibit. Maybe they are having a difficult mid life transition rather than a MLC, maybe they are on the milder spectrum of MLC.

The time frame, doesn't matter. No 2 MLC'ers follow the same path. Just find your path and stay on it. Don't let anyone detour you from it. 

True, not two MLCers follow the same path and each of us has to find our own path. However the time frame matters. It is not the same having a MLCer returning to what they were in 2, 3 or 4 years or having a MLCer that 5,6, 7 or more years into replay keeps getting worse and worse.

If one is dealing with the latter we will have changed so much and, in many cases, be apart from them for so many years that MLCer and LBS may totally lost any common ground. Not to mention all the damage the later type inflicts to themselves, spouse, children, finances, marriage, you name it.