[toughtimes]

Now we can just get divorced without a lawyer - we can do it all online and I'm happy to be amicable.

Almost word for word (he didn't suggest online probably because it would mean effort on his part)!  The whole "it's only amicable if you don't have a lawyer and just let me walk away with no responsibility" thing would be funny if it weren't so infuriating.

Oh, and if I say anything that makes any sense, even if it's totally unrelated, he will yell, "But I'm not trying to hurt you!".

WOW, mine, too!

Just the word, "Amicable." Most overused MLC word, early on, when they are all infatuated.

"We can keep this amicable. We don't need lawyers. We can go through mediation. It will save a lot of money."

See? Easy! I've got it alllllllllll figured out! And we'll all be friends, and you two women can dote on me! Awesome!

yep, me too!

[kikki]

Me.........why are you with o/w you know you don't love her
H what i do and how i feel as nothing to do with you get on with your own life
me....i would if you stopped texting me every minute of the day.........IL remember that though the next time you need to talk
h....NO i didn't mean that I'm sorry..........newbies this is much further along in the process though

I got a version of this the other day, WGH.

My H said, for the millionth time, that he wanted me out of the Company.  I said he'd have to buy me out, and pay X, Y and Z.  He said great
I said, you know that means you are REALLY choosing to give up your family.
He said yes.
I said, you're going to have to leave me alone then.  There will be no more coming around here to talk to me.
He looked really alarmed, and said, But I have to.   We need to have these business talks.   

On his way out, he apologised if he said anything that hurt my feelings. 

[kikki]

Early on - I am no longer prepared to live by your or your children's morals  Huh?

[toughtimes]

H: I'm changing, you're not letting me change
me: we are both changing, let's change together
H: I don't want to change with you

[calamity]

Change should be a separate category!

You've changed.

You never changed.

Said within hours of each other. 

[Slow Fade]

I got the we can do it on the internet crap too and it is going to be amicable. I will never abandon my kids. Huh, REALLY?!

Oh I got this too. He said.

"We don't need to get the state involved, we can figure this our ourselves." (Oh yeah, because the state would garnish the child support you should be paying!)

And this.

"I'm not leaving our s10. He is the most important thing to me." (This right before he called us on the way home from church to tell us he was moving out before we got back.)

[toughtimes]

Me.........why are you with o/w you know you don't love her
H what i do and how i feel as nothing to do with you get on with your own life
me....i would if you stopped texting me every minute of the day.........IL remember that though the next time you need to talk
h....NO i didn't mean that I'm sorry..........newbies this is much further along in the process though

I got a version of this the other day, WGH.

My H said, for the millionth time, that he wanted me out of the Company.  I said he'd have to buy me out, and pay X, Y and Z.  He said great
I said, you know that means you are REALLY choosing to give up your family.
He said yes.
I said, you're going to have to leave me alone then.  There will be no more coming around here to talk to me.
He looked really alarmed, and said, But I have to.   We need to have these business talks.   

On his way out, he apologised if he said anything that hurt my feelings.

Kikki this is brilliant! Absolutely priceless!

Why do we bother talking to these MLCers?

[UKStander]

Folks,

If I don't start at the tail end of this thread, I'm never going to catch up. But I have to say I've been in stiches. Sorry, I can't remember the names, but the fat dog cracked me up. And the one about you cook too much.

I have MANY to add, so I'll just debut here with one or two of the best. The first I have posted elsewhere but it's worth another outing, I think.

(To S)  Your mother never bought me an Easter Egg in 20 years of marriage.

She and I (ie OW and me) don't have what you and I had (ie H and wife).  No, really?

You're chalk and cheese - I can't decide between you. But sex is very high on my agenda right now. (Sub-text, so you loose.)

You smother me, you're just like my mother.  On a different day:  I had a nervous breakdown and you didn't even notice. 

You're thin, but you're not thin enough.  (At size 12)

When did we last have sex three times a night?      Sorry, this is now cracking me up. Actually, very, very often in our early days - like everybody else's early days. 

(To S) Your mother and I are going through some weird stuff right now. Anyway, it's all her fault. And she's not as upset as she appears to be.   (Right... That figures.)

UK-S

[UKStander]

Let's talk about your faults as a wife....

[UKStander]

Superdog - controlling with your face!?!? 
I am literally now rolling on the floor. 
UK -S