[Reinventing]

Reading these is bringing back memories. This one was not right at BD, but a few months later:

I have the oh, so strong feeling that this is all a dream and I'll wake up at X Street (house we lived in last).

[riverbirch]

Well I was a $h!tety wife,not just a bad wife.
Hmmmm,working a full time job,raising four kids,cleaning up after everyone and taking classes isnt enough anymore.
Im never coming back,but he still comes home,about once or twice a week now.
All you ever say is I,I,I
He told our kids he didnt abandon them.Funny thing is he went to work one day and didnt come home.Bought a slide in truck camper without anyone knowing and sleeps in it in his workshop. :PWhen he left he said nothing.I didnt know if he was going to pay the bills or anything.
You should find a boyfriend so you have someone else to bother.
He told his sister this one - I think its best I move on but I will be upset when she finds someone else!

[toughtimes]

When I explained how insecure I felt about him possibly having an affair he sat me down in the bathroom and said "all my friends fancy you!"

I just can't bear the thought of you with someone else

I'm bewitched by you

We just need to get away from each other

Trouble is I just don't like anyone else as much as I like you

[HurtSoul]

You never listen...you make all the decisions

[Mamma Bear]

  Mine just said "Going on that field trip with D13 and the other 7th graders, makes up for anything I ever did wrong in my whole life!" 

  Me:   

[cherryblossom]

Now we can just get divorced without a lawyer - we can do it all online and I'm happy to be amicable.

Almost word for word (he didn't suggest online probably because it would mean effort on his part)!  The whole "it's only amicable if you don't have a lawyer and just let me walk away with no responsibility" thing would be funny if it weren't so infuriating.

Oh, and if I say anything that makes any sense, even if it's totally unrelated, he will yell, "But I'm not trying to hurt you!".

WOW, mine, too!

Just the word, "Amicable." Most overused MLC word, early on, when they are all infatuated.

"We can keep this amicable. We don't need lawyers. We can go through mediation. It will save a lot of money."

See? Easy! I've got it alllllllllll figured out! And we'll all be friends, and you two women can dote on me! Awesome!

yep, me too!

Yeh, the whole amicable thing is just part of the denial that they're projecting all their anger and venom.  If they say amicable enough then surely they're nice.  Eh, no!   

This is such a useful thread - especially for newbies.  Not long after BD 2 close friends also started putting pressure on me to be more amicable and not involve lawyers.  I confronted them that my H must've gotten into their heads - it was EXACTLY what he'd been telling me.  They didn't like that but I know, now seeing that it is pure Script, that that's EXACTLY what happened.  This KNOWLEDGE is not just hilariously funny (in retrospect) but also pretty darn powerful....  Confirms that none of us are going mad...   

x

[NoRegrets]

Not long after BD 2 close friends also started putting pressure on me to be more amicable and not involve lawyers.  I confronted them that my H must've gotten into their heads - it was EXACTLY what he'd been telling me.  They didn't like that but I know, now seeing that it is pure Script, that that's EXACTLY what happened. 

Unless you've been through it personally, you cannot understand that what comes out of the MLCer's mouth is complete bull. And, as a casual, innocent (not so innocent, in some cases) bystander/friend, it is easy to get sucked into what sounds like rational discourse from the MLCer--all the trite little clichés that people love to spout. Why, we could have a section called "Bystander script," couldn't we? Stuff like, "Oh, you must be amicable." Or, "Oh, you really need to move on." Or, one of the most gag-worthy, also said by MLCer's, "Oh, children are resilient." All you can do is smile and thank them for their concern. It's really not worth arguing with them, because, in their ignorance, you will look like the bitter, nasty one.

Grr! 

[cherryblossom]

Unless you've been through it personally, you cannot understand that what comes out of the MLCer's mouth is complete bull. And, as a casual, innocent (not so innocent, in some cases) bystander/friend, it is easy to get sucked into what sounds like rational discourse from the MLCer--all the trite little clichés that people love to spout. Why, we could have a section called "Bystander script," couldn't we? Stuff like, "Oh, you must be amicable." Or, "Oh, you really need to move on." Or, one of the most gag-worthy, also said by MLCer's, "Oh, children are resilient." All you can do is smile and thank them for their concern. It's really not worth arguing with them, because, in their ignorance, you will look like the bitter, nasty one.

Grr!

Yep, so true NR   And sage advice there not to get drawn into any of these discussions with these Bystanders.  They have often made up their mind already.  Baffling as it seems they seem to look for a reason why the MLC-er has behaved so badly.  Me, you, all of us must've done something to cause this.  As if we are some kind of crisis catalyst.  It is the most basic notion and for that reason also ridiculous.  None of these people have even Googled depression, but they know it all...  LOL I am properly getting on my high horse about this, but these people are toxic - even if they don't mean to be.

I think the whole not understanding something until you go through it goes for many facets of life.  If you have no experience sometimes it's difficult/impossible to relate.  And that reminds me of some other classics from Mr CB:

If your mum hadn't died everything would be fine - none of this would've happened 
and
When I was cheating on you I thought your mum would haunt me, but she didn't so I carried on 

Brilliant idea to start a Bystander thread because those people can be (unwittingly) toxic.  The more and the sooner newbies know this the better - more power and more protection...

x

[Mamma Bear]

  One of my closest friends acts like she gets MLC and then says "OK so if he's not normal by Labor Day you'll file?"    lol
At BD I asked "Are you gonna have some guy throw blue divorce papers in my face?"
   
  He said "Oh no I don't want to have lawyers or anything like that..." 
  Me:   

[Forever]

My H said

-we are not good for each other anymore
-OW is not the reason for him wanting divorce
-I was lazy and didn't do anything about my life
And this one is my favorite
- he said to me: I am not even happy going to yoga anymore.... And I don't know why I just can't pin point it .....))

Forever.....