[honour]

Hi All!  I'm back!
Genius said to me, "We just can't be together.  We have fundamental differences."
Me: Really? What are these fundamental differences?
Genius: "For one, you don't like horror movies."
Me: Actually I said they scare me.
Genius: "So of course that means you don't like them.  We could never watch them."
Me: When did you want to watch one?
Genius: "Well I know I probably did at some point in the last 12 years.  And you did not let me.  So I am mad now."
Me: I see.  Are there other fundamental differences we have?
Genius: "Damn don't be so obtuse.  Of course there are."
Me: OK, what are they?
Genius: "Well, you don't like storms and I do."
Me: I see. And what makes you think I don't like them?
Genius: "Well, you slept througth the one when the tree fell on the house."
Me: You weren't even home that night.
Genius: Well if I had been, I would not have slept through that probably.  I would have been sexually aroused by the storm because that is what happens to us free spirits.  And you didn't even try to stop it.  Look at the money that cost the insurance co.
Me: I see. You expected me to have been awake for a 3am Microburst, be sexually aroused while alone and prevented a 50ft tall pine tree from falling on the house all in the 4 minutes it took the storm to go through the area? 
Genius:  Yes, if you valued our home.  You never even tried.  That is why I love storms and you don't. 
Me: And when did you become a free spirit? 
Genius: I have always been one. 
(This from the man who goes to bed at the same time everyday no matter what, eats the same dinner 5 of 7 days a week, awakens at the same time everyday, has a Monday, Tuesday, etc suit, writes daily lists of things to do, complained the night before that going to the movies was not on his list of things to do so could not be done, works out at the same time everyday, and complained I am too spontaneous. Yep a real free spirit there.)

The next sound was the dial tone.  He hung up because I was being obtuse and stupid.

Pure gold.

I'm going to add an edit here. On reading the above I laughed but I've just gone back and looked at your earlier posts, in the light of which the above is anything but funny. This man is unwell and dangerous. I hope you have a safe distance between him and you, LP. Take care.

[Mamma Bear]

   And all of us keep a safe distance. Safe for our health and well being.
   Just a thought about how suddenly all this gibberish came flooding out. I have a low tolerance for BS artists. Anyone for that matter who flies by the seat of their pants and gets mad and has a pity party when the caviar is too cold!   lol
   So letting them fester and not have our company is best!
   We're having too much fun writing down the crap they do anyway!
   Thinking of a good one....
   Says to me right after BD Feb 2011 walking by our barn, "At least I never cheated on you while we were together!" 
   I said (thanks to RCR)  "You're having an affair in the middle of our marriage!"   
   H :  "Oh yeah" 

[cherryblossom]

LP, OMG!  That is off the scale bonkers!   

Is anyone still doubting that this is a mental illness?

Yeh, exactly Kikki!

x

[riverbirch]

Well,I was accused of faking menopause.Yes, I want to fake going through menopause.This was brought because of my low sex drive at one point.
I didnt like the tv shows he watched - War movies over and over,Fox news,Glenn Beck,more war movies,all depressing
I didnt like to do His hobbies

[Thundarr]

Well Mc (I pronounce your name as "McLovins" every time I see it! lol) it seems that not liking Glenn Beck must be a divorceable offense now.  We should all get together and write a book about what are divorceable offenses as a comic spoof or something.  It would make a great gag wedding present for someone.  Or, it might scare prospective spouses into heading for the hills!

[Jagger]

This one is priceless,

The other night, mothers day spent at my BIL house together as a family . Afterwards at  my house eating Chinese take out he says out of the blue: very random expressed thought.

I never drink at work (our restaurant) the only time I did was that one  New Years Eve.

D16: good one Dad, that was the night you had to drive us home.

H: I wasnt thinking straight.

Silence

H: I thought someone ELSE (meaning me)  was going to drive home.

Silence

Me: WE came straight from the airport in a cab

H: ya I wasn't thinking straight.

Background: bd was APril/May 2011 , came home then had to  kicked him out 2 times,  then November through december, professed his love and said he was going to move home while we were home in Canada for Christmas. We came straight to the Restaurant from the airport  to celebrate NYE together and then were leaving for a family cruise 2 days later. Found emails sent by wacko weirdo to H of pictures of herself with the sad duck lips and with the Caption: IM ALL ALONE. On NYE

Needless to say, that cruise didnt go so well!!

[Jagger]

Forgot to mention that H got drunk as a skunk that night, it was  so embarrassing, must have been all that teenage angst he was feeling 
I tried to get a cab but was told it was impossible, all cabs were occupied so we had to wait until he semi sobered up  , 5 am in the morning.  Ahhh memories....

[Mamma Bear]

      H texted me this last weekend:
    " Your stepson 22 (his son) does not deserve the honor of being your stepson!"
     
     

[Ready2Transform]

LawProfessor's thread reminded me of a few good ones!

"I accidentally punched myself in the face."  (trying to explain the fat lip that I had not asked about or even really noticed)

I got another big "I don't know!!" about a month later in regards to how he broke his ribs.  A month after that when seeking medical treatment because they still weren't right it had morphed into the famous "I don't remember!".  He was dead serious both times.

[Mamma Bear]

    They can't remember anything and it scares them.
    My H, Sabotage Sam, told D13 to "keep reminding me about the school field trip I am chaperoning. I can't remember anything!"   That was the night before they left at 9pm!!!   She had been reminding him for 1 month.
    She said ( I could hear her on the phone) "Dad it's in 11 hours!!!"