[Thundarr]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karen_Horney

One of my major influences in psychology is Dr. Karen Horney, a friend and understudy of Sigmund Freud who ended up pioneering the school of Neo-Freudianism along with Alfred Adler.  She also began what came to be known as "Feminist Psychology" (not like we think of feminism today, but diverging from Freud's male-centric views).  Horney's mother left her father (but never divorced him) when she was young so she grew up in a broken home and I believe this shaped many of her views.  Attached is the Wikipedia article detailing her life and touching upon her works, but I encourage everyone to check out her writings and examine her influence on the medical and psychology fields.  I titled this thread after one of her concepts surrounding what she termed "neurotic people."  Horney believed that neurotic people were like a pendulum who alternated between self-love and self-loathing based upon whether or not they were living up to the standards they felt they "should."  The term "neurotic" likely indicated anyone in crisis or going through depression and we as LBSes can certainly relate to both of those, oftentimes for much longer durations than we ever imagined.  So, apologies for this thread not being as funny as the MLC Script or even the Bystander Script threads that Kikki started but I think it's important for us all to realize that we are not "different" and that the things we think and feel are very much normal for what we are going through.  So, without further ado the first 3 examples of the "LBS Script."

"I should have made more money"

"I should have taken on more responsibility"

"I should have payed more attention to her/ him"

[riverbirch]

We all think this of ourselves at some point in this mess,but it doesnt matter what we should have done or shouldnt have done,they would still find something to blame us for their crisis.

[Thundarr]

Exactly MC, I don't want to focus on what they say to us but rather what we say to ourselves.  Horney believed that the key to overcoming the neuroses was to challenge the thinking errors that we are so reactive to.  So by coming forward with the negative things we all tell ourselves hopefully we can ellicit change in each other through "mirror work" and accepting that these things we have told ourselves simply aren't true.  Here's a couple more that I would bet others are guilty of:

"I should have been in better shape"

"I should have dressed differently"

"I should have been a better person"

[JD]

This is not psychology based and may be off topic, but it seems to fit to me somehow.

This weekend I was talking to a co-worker who happens to be from Fiji.  He asked " you know Fiji?"  I said, in a way...Paul Gaugin (1848 -1903), middle aged  French stock broker, leaves wife and kids to go paint naked Fijian women and have unhibited sex with them.
Then my own words caught up with my brain.
Paul Gaugin may have been undergoing a MLC, this is not new to this particular century.
I now wonder how his wife and five children coped with this. 
He died in Fiji of syphilis at 54 years of age.

[Trustandlove]

There is a thread somewhere more appropriate for this I'm sure, but as you mentioned Gaugin I'll put in Charles d!ckens....  left wife and many children to take up with an actress, blamed it all on wife....   very interesting biography. 

[Thundarr]

REALLY off-topic, but I'm snickering that the name d!ckens gets caught by the censor.  Hey, we have to find humor in life somewhere!

[Thundarr]

Since I started the thread I'm going to be a bit naughty:

d!ckens
kittywillow
cockerel
$h!tezu
lass
class
bastardize


Yes, I'm a dork.  LOL

[Duthla]

I try not to should all over myself, but here's a few I did:

I shouldn't have been so complacent

I should have been more tolerating of H's foul moods.

I should have seen this coming.

I should have taken the "big lie" told 5 years ago and used that as a warning sign.

I should be moving on by now.

[cherryblossom]

Thanks for sharing this Thundarr - it's very interesting.

This jumped out at me:

The goals set out by the neurotic are not realistic, or indeed possible. The real self then degenerates into a "despised self", and the neurotic person assumes that this is the "true" self. Thus, the neurotic is like a clock's pendulum, oscillating between a fallacious "perfection" and a manifestation of self-hate.

Seems like a pretty accurate description of what our MLC-ers go through.

x

[riverbirch]

I actually caught myself doing this today after having a down day.

Should have been a better wife
Should have been a better lover
Should have payed attention to him more
Should have tried to do his hobbies with him

Its funny how they find your weakness and pick it apart and blame you for those things.

Thundarr youre not a dork