[Slow Fade]

He seems to have landed on the excuse that the reason he left was because living with my Mom was intolerable. I guess that gives you license to have an affair (or several) abandon your wife, abandon your child and not pay child support. Is this still MLC? Do normal people do this?

I guess I'm just looking for a little reassurance today. My Mom's stroke has left ME a little wobbly! Thanks!

[Musica]

Sounds like a typical MLC comment to me SF ... Normal people would never say /do that.

Any excuse they can find will do .. Doesn't seem to matter what, or how hurtful.. You know it's not true, hope your mom is ok xxxx

Take care X

[Lovely1]

thank you Ready2 Transform and AnneJ. I think we are a fair few months away from the crisis starting to end ... but I think H is having bitter quarrels with OW, and is starting to look at his old life again. He says he feels 'hugely guilty' now, and has asked me for the first time in 13 months how I am feeling. I said that I had been thru a lot of pain but a few days on I feel so so angry. When he talks, he asks me why this A happened, that there must have been something wrong in the marriage. I told him there was little wrong in the marriage but that as soon as he had his own flat in the city that he lost his head. He agreed.

I wonder now whether there was something wrong in the marriage, and this is an A and not an MLC.

[panda]

HI - I'd just like to ask anyone out there if there is a kind of 'severity' scale to this awful thing - I know this experience is horrendous for all involved but I've seen on other posts on here, it seems some of the people in MLC actually voice their moments of regret - ie in kk's post above 'I only said those things to get out' or they come back to the marital home, albeit briefly.   Well my H has never said anything like that at all - he continues to go down the same path that I am 'no good' and I just wonder if that means anything.  Does that mean a bigger crash at the end?

[justasking]

Panda

Each situation is the same but different. There is a script but they use it in various ways. What would be a blip for you maybe a major tsunami for someone else. That's why her is no gauge on the depth or length of MLC.

Your H may well be trying o convince you to leave or divorce him as then he would e free to follow his dream. Or he does have some insight into this mess. Either way none of us know what the end looks like. Keep moving forward 

[Lovely1]

And now I hear that the OW is leaving the country to work abroad for six months ... it is the beginning of the end for H and  OW I feel.

Waiting to hear from H ... have told a few friends but not the children.

Feel I have run a marathon and ready to collapse. Have turned to praying. I am not strong enough for this any more. I am putting our marriage in God's hands. Never thought I would say that.

[justasking]

Lovely

Don't assume anything. OW's move abroad may heighten their fantasy world because of her being 'out of reach'. It may give your MLCer a buzz. Even if this one is over your H is unlikely to give up the heady days of replay yet.

Although you have started your marathon there are many corners yet to go round. Sorry just want you to protect yourself. He has to complete this journey and there are no short cuts.

If you hand him over to God get out of God's way and drop the rope and live your life for you and the children. Then He can work on your H unhindered 

Hugs

[Stillpraying]

Lovely1,
I would second what Justasking has posted above.
My experience with H's OW1 was that he broke up 3 times.  The first time he told me they had and then the kids noticed he took everything he stored at her place, back to his little bungalow (Bedsit).  It also appeared to me it was the end (I posted on here about it) but a week or 2 later they were back in full force.  The second time he didn't tell me.  it was a longer break (about a month) and again seemed final.  However, they were back on again.  The final break cam and it wasn't long before he was noticed by the kids to be texting all the time.  yep, a few weeks later he announced he had an OW2.

Sorry this may not seem like a positive story but you really don't know what's going on.  It can take multiple breakups for the final one to blow.  No expectations, as they say.

Handing it over to God is a good thing.  I did that with my finances on day one when H left and although I live from pay to pay, I am never without and I don't feel the need to worry.
Hugs,
SP

[Lovely1]

Thank you so much Stillpraying and Justasking.

You are right. It could be a temporary bust up. Although she is not the sort of girl to hang on in there if he is not buying them a flat, getting a D, not spending money on her, seeing a lot of his children etc etc. And there have been many arguments between them recently, and he has got sick of being controlled. I feel it may have burnt out; it was just about sex and a 'fantasy life'.

She says that she got too much hostility from everyone ie MIL and FIL.

My H, however, told me last week that he 'wants peace' (ie what he found in me) and not 'excitement', which he wanted three months ago.

I feel terrible and exhausted. Will leave in God's hands, I  no longer have the strength. Hugs.

[Lovely1]

It still hurts.

I am giving H about two to three weeks to work things out and contact me. At least to start a reconnection...

My timelines are normally quite accurate.

OW looked very flat today; her peachiness and perkiness have gone. I am pretty sure this is the beginning of the end, if not the end for them. Why has H told his mother it is nearly the end, and not me?