[calamity]

That's a story I would not have believed.  Before BD.  My BD was exactly 2 years ago today when I discovered the affair by accidentally opening an email not meant for me--kinda made me resent computers but then I wouldn't have this support group.

Thanks for sharing Braveheart.

[Trustandlove]

I completely agree that we each have to navigate this our own way, however would add that 2 years is very little in the MLC world. 

I remember being at that point and nothing had changed at all; anything that did change happened long after that. 

And regarding anger, I think it's a necessary step; it took me ages to get there -- I felt some at 2.5 years, but it was something like 4 years in that I really felt it.  If you are working through it earlier then that to me would seem to be a positive. 

I totally agree with your kids needing you and that needing to be your first priority. 

[forthetrees]

The MLCers´ability to act as if half a lifetime together did not exist- so mind blowing.

[cherryblossom]

it's like I never existed and the 24 years we were together never happened.

Braveheart, I recognise that and it's a horrible feeling   Thanks for sharing your story.

I'm just over a year past BD and I have been working hard on GAL.  I feel that I've let go of a lot of anger - really most of it has gone - although I do find myself having conversations (sometimes out loud) with him here (when he's not).  Although my H is making some moves to reconnect (and I'm well aware it may only be a touch n go) it does not automatically follow that remaining married to my H will be the right decision to me.  I am prepared to divorce him if this isn't right for me and that's something I've learned from Standing (whether RCR intended me to learn that or not) - to be prepared for the timeline, and not get hoovered, and in amongst that cautious approach listen to my intuition.

My approach has always been to read all the information available and then make decisions based upon that knowledge, but also upon my specific situation.  There is no blueprint or magic bullet.  That is why I believe that GAL is so important - that builds self-esteem and self-worth - when you have those you have the confidence to make decisions that are right for you.

We may have pulled together all these behaviours and characteristics under the umbrella of MLC but it's still a very individual experience.  My understanding of this site is that we share experience and information in order that the LBS can make informed choices and decisions that will improve their life - protect themselves emotionally and financially, and ultimately live a fulfilling life.  That's how I see it anyway...

x

[Braveheart]

it's like I never existed and the 24 years we were together never happened.

Braveheart, I recognise that and it's a horrible feeling   Thanks for sharing your story.

I'm just over a year past BD and I have been working hard on GAL.  I feel that I've let go of a lot of anger - really most of it has gone - although I do find myself having conversations (sometimes out loud) with him here (when he's not).  Although my H is making some moves to reconnect (and I'm well aware it may only be a touch n go) it does not automatically follow that remaining married to my H will be the right decision to me.  I am prepared to divorce him if this isn't right for me and that's something I've learned from Standing (whether RCR intended me to learn that or not) - to be prepared for the timeline, and not get hoovered, and in amongst that cautious approach listen to my intuition.

My approach has always been to read all the information available and then make decisions based upon that knowledge, but also upon my specific situation.  There is no blueprint or magic bullet.  That is why I believe that GAL is so important - that builds self-esteem and self-worth - when you have those you have the confidence to make decisions that are right for you.

We may have pulled together all these behaviours and characteristics under the umbrella of MLC but it's still a very individual experience.  My understanding of this site is that we share experience and information in order that the LBS can make informed choices and decisions that will improve their life - protect themselves emotionally and financially, and ultimately live a fulfilling life.  That's how I see it anyway...

x

Gal and NC are probably the two most important things you can do for your own sanity. It's a rollercoaster ride for most of us, the harder you work at your own recovery the shorter the ride seems to be.  In reality I think I knew our marriage was finished when the mask came off at BD. The look she gave then said it all, it it was one of absolute contempt, and she could not leave quick enough once she was found out, I just had to work through the denial phase to have that sink in. It's frightening to think of how someone you'd trust your life with all those years could come to loath you, it truly seems like a mental illness when you been subject to it.

[alwayshope]

It's frightening to think of how someone you'd trust your life with all those years could come to loath you, it truly seems like a mental illness when you been subject to it.

Yes.  It is frightening.  Earth shattering.  Beyond belief.  I am still grappling with it.  The amount of venom and spew directed at me is hardly believeable, except that I have seen/heard it myself so I know it's real.  It leaves me not knowing how to process, because it doesn't make sense.

[Braveheart]

It's frightening to think of how someone you'd trust your life with all those years could come to loath you, it truly seems like a mental illness when you been subject to it.

Yes.  It is frightening.  Earth shattering.  Beyond belief.  I am still grappling with it.  The amount of venom and spew directed at me is hardly believeable, except that I have seen/heard it myself so I know it's real.  It leaves me not knowing how to process, because it doesn't make sense.

What worked for me was everytime I was having a "Coulda, woulda, shouda" moment I'd call up that look on her face and it would set me straight.  I spent over a year trying to process MLC, reading everything I could find on the topic and there were a lot of possibilites, eg.  PDSD, BPD, Menopause, childhood abuse etc......but in the end the only sense of it I could make was that I would be just as messed up as my X if I allowed dwelling on her to consume anymore of what remained of my life than necessary.

[honour]

As far as biblical grounds go, the bible is pretty clear on divorce

And equally clear on reconciliation

Are there any biblical examples of marital reconciliation after adultery?

[OldPilot]

Are there any biblical examples of marital reconciliation after adultery?

http://www.openbible.info/topics/marriage_reconciliation

I am not religous but google revealed this website.

[trusting]

Are there any biblical examples of marital reconciliation after adultery?

Hosea and Gomer.